submitting a request for training and other recipes for success?

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submitting a request for training and other recipes for... - 7/22/2007 11:31:23 AM

fantasyweaver

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

I am a submissive, new to the lifestyle and became involved in local BDSM organizations to learn and meet others. I met a Dom whom I genuinely like as a person and friend, and we did explore the possibilities of a relationship--but although we click on alot of levels, it didnt click enough for him at this point in time but we remain friends. I have been observing, listening and studying all I can on my own, but know that is limited and want some experiences with someone who will provide me with the right introduction into play. Of course, I have an instinctive trust with him and wish i could learn from him--but not certain how to go about that request...Any guidance would be appreciated as i certainly dont want him to percieve that i am just "chasing"him vanilla style. I genuinely admire and respect him as an individual and his knowledge and feel comfortable in his presence. Thank you!

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RE: submitting a request for training and other recipes... - 7/22/2007 12:43:45 PM

PAcpllooking

Posts: 73
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline

Bottomline it isnt much differant then going after a vanilla guy.
If you have a trust and it seems like you have seen him in action, seen him interact with others and so on then you have the basics.
The play part will come naturally and progress, if he knows what he is doing.
Above all be honest with your level of experience then he will know how to progress.
Try not to get hung up in all cocerns about how you have to be so afraid and careful about playing with him or that there is a wrong way or right way to approach him.
Now I am not saying that you should caution to the wind, but many will do nothing but talk about the negatives and how you shouldnt play with him and so on and so. If he is in the local there and people know him that is a good indication that he is probably ok.
Then after you approach him use common sense and if your gut tells you something isnt right then listen to it.
So dont be afraid or shy or worry about protocol, walk up, introduce yourself and tell him that you respect him and are wanting to see if he is interested. He may ask questions of you, answer im directly adn brutally honestly and let what happens happen.

William

(in reply to fantasyweaver)

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RE: submitting a request for training and other recipes... - 7/22/2007 2:46:13 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I think honesty should win the day here, as long as your feelings about him (friend, but no more) matches his for you.

There's no reason why you can't be play partners, which might or might not be sexual as well, as long as you keep your perspective. Years and years ago, I had a 'dance' partner. It wasn't official, and we never dated, except for the odd 'breakfast' at Denny's after closing the clubs. Never got further than that (although I might have been interested, that's certain), and I never really inquired. But whenever she wanted to dance and didn't want to alone, she would come find me in the club where she knew I'd be. It was nice. Probably the only purely platonic non-relationship I ever had.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: submitting a request for training and other recipes... - 7/22/2007 2:56:07 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

As I understand it, you're already friends with this person and he's already said he isn't interested in or dosn't think a romantic D/s relationship would work between you. So accept that, and don't pursue him in that sense, as it will simply push him away. But it makes perfect sense to me to simply talk to him and say that you feel comfortable and trusting with him, and you want to experience some things and possibly be mentored a bit (i assume he is being somewhat of a mentor if he's more experienced and you're friends). Just let him know that you understand his limits, that you aren't trying to change his mind but rather learn from him so that you can be more successful in your pursuit of future relationships.

He may still turn you down -- simply engaging in BDSM activities can create a lot of emotional energy and he may want to stay on the safe side rather than risk getting caught up in something he doesn't feel will work. I only add that because I don't want you to assume if he turns you down it's because of you or something you did wrong. I've accepted and rejected such offers before, simply based on my gut feeling of whether both of us could keep our heads.

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