sengwahMTP
Posts: 6
Joined: 7/16/2007
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just a reminder dont not use these they will get you in trouble trust me
bad things on owning a rl gorean slave & things not to say
First one is Top Ten Bad Things About Owning a Real Life Gorean Slave
by Virgo
10) She constantly uses "I was checking for poison" as an excuse
when she scarfs half of your coke at Burger King.
9) By the time she finishes her elaborate serving ceremony and gives
you your drink you have already lost consciousness and are in need
of medical attention for dehydration.
8) She compares you to those fantasy pics of Gorean warriors that
you find online, then laughs and calls you "Master big sword".
7) Having her depreciate in value to the point where you can only
get 3 chickens for her instead of the 2 pigs and a fox pelt you
originally paid.
6) When the tavern dance she does starts to look an awful lot like
The Macarena.
5) The "this is my slut fuck-whole slave who isn't worthy of having
a name" introduction always gets family dinners with your parents
off to a bad start.
4) "Spanker's Elbow" isn't covered by your health insurance plan.
3) Confusion and constant "A girl? What girl are you talking about?"
questions when she starts talks about herself in third person.
2) She insists that she only truly feels enslaved when you take
control of the home by washing the dishes, doing laundry, and
scrubbing the toilets.
1) Having sex with her anywhere and anytime you want has led to 4
warrants for indecent exposure, and 3 for lewd behavior in a public
place. The courts are still mulling over the "can a true slave be
raped" issue.
1. Pushing limits does not mean making Master so angry that the vein
above His right eye throbs.
2. "Quit it!" "OW, Damnit!" "i'm hinding that toy when You go to
work tomorrow" and cursing a blue streak are not safe words.
3. "Oh my God, where did you get those. They are gorgeous!!!" is not
considered boot worship.
4. "Ya want fries with that?" "Want me to drink it for You too?" are
not appropriate remarks when Master gives you an elaborate drink order.
5. Flipping your Master off while your hands are cuffed behind your
back is a bad idea. Owners have a way of knowing these things.
6. Putting lube, goop, superglue, ink or any other substance that
will sully the of Master on His toys while setting up for a session is not a good idea.
7. Kicking the toy you hate far under the bed is futile. Master will only secure
your wrist cuffs to your ankle cuffs and make you crawl for it....repeatedly.
8. "Bite me." is NEVER an intelligent response to a command.
9. Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fire play safety is considered rude.
10. Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing, Grand Imperial
Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are comfortable during a bondage scene.
11. Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Master
practices His Japanese rope work on you will try His patience....quickly.
12. Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while Master is
discussing your punishment is not wise.
13. There is no such thing as slave immunity, fee slave day, or the
PMS defense. The slave jury might not convict you, but the Dom judge will
override the verdict. Count on it!
14. Pretending Master's collection of butt plugs are toys and singing
the "Weebles Wobble but they won't fall down" song is not a good idea.
15. Repeatedly blowing out each candle Master lights during wax play
will get you punished.
16. Checking Master's head for the 666 symbol after a harsh punishment will only get you more of the same....or worse!
17. "i know You are but what am i?" is not the appropriate response
when called a "raunchy little whore" during humiliation play.
18. Using spreader bars, paddles, or canes for the fireplace is not
a good plan.
19. "Missed me missed me now ya got to kiss me!" is an unacceptable
remark when Master's flogger slips.
20. When Master pulls out his bullwhip and says He wants to play, He
doesn't mean hide-&-seek...He WILL find you eventually.
21. Calling Merry Maids when you are ordered to spruce up the place
is not what your Master had in mind.
22. "Faster faster we need a new Master" is NOT the song to sing
during a scene.
23. "Oh and You think i am?" is an unacceptable response to hearing
your Master say He is not pleased.
24. During a play party is not the time to do your hilarious
imitation of Igor and hunch over, moaning "Yes Master" when ordered to fetch something.
25. Adding "Sir" or "Master" to "Fuck that!" will not save you.
26. Singing the chorus of "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better"
under your breath during a session is considered foolhardy.
27. Reciting nursery rhymes during an interrogation scene to crack
your Master up only lasts for so long. Then you will pay....BIG!
28. Arguing whether "Master may not be right, but Master is never
wrong" is Zen or Buddist philosophy will only get you rewarded with kneeling in
the corner of a bed of Lego's "to help you consider the question in quiet
contemplation."
29. Asking "Is that as HARD as you can hit???" is considered a cry
for help among submissive suicide prevention workers!
30. Attaching a clapper to the light right before a spanking session.
31. When he does go to give you a spanking, don't hold up score
cards on his swats.
32. When Sir goes to give you your punishment, Don't writhe on the
floor screaming "THE PAIN! WILL THE PAIN NEVER END?!?!" before
Master even touches you and you are laughing histerically.
33. When Master askes you a question, don't cross your eyes and toss
your head while saying, "Well, Duh!"
34. When Master compliments you for giving a good BJ, don't respond
with "well your {insert family member here} likes it too."
35. Play kitten when Master is trying to flog your chest... He is
not wanting you to claw up the flogger.
36. Don't put confetti on the ceiling fan blades right before a
scene... Master will make you find and pick every one of those
little round bastards up with your pussy lips.
37. Before Master gives you your paddling, don't say "Hey
batterbatterbatter! S-w-i-n-g Batter!" before each swat.
38. While Master is thinking about what to do to you next, don't hum
the theme to Jeopardy.
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