RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (Full Version)

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NControlofU -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 1:46:41 AM)

When I took ownership of my slave she became my property and since I own her I decide when, where, and how she does anything, including using the toilet.  She has no privacy from me.  There are no closed doors and no locks in our house, other than the locks I use to restrain her, at times.  There was no dating phase in our relationship.  We wrote to each other, spoke on the phone, met to make sure we were both just as we had said and to make sure we had the right chemistry for each other, I took ownership of her and she moved in and has been here ever since.  I have complete control over my slave.  She does nothing, not even take a piss, without my knowledge or permission.  Of course this isn't the case for every dom.  Everyone is different.  But for me, I demand complete control and total obedience of my slave all the time.  Also, being the sadist that I am, there have been plenty of times that I wouldn't allow her to go pee for a few hours, even after she made it clear how badly she needed to go.  Seeing my slave squirm and wiggle and hearing her beg is one of my pleasures and rights as her owner.



MaamJay -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 2:05:17 AM)

There is no bathroom privacy in this house ... if anyone dares to shut the door ... there are 2 dogs banging on it in an instant! And the cat's not beyond wandering to check out the way we use our kitty litter!

That said, my sub side willingly relinquished bathroom privacy to Master so i ask His permission to go and the door is not shut, however, that doesn't mean He chooses to stand there and watch everything everytime. Smelly deposits are dealt with, the toilet cleaned and air freshener is always on hand! The permission thing has turned out to be a great blessing, He now has better control over my errant bladder than i have, which is just wonderful when i am caught short in the shopping centre with a trek to the nearest loo! A strict admonition of "no peeing until you are seated on the toilet and have counted to 3" is amazingly effective! And i don't even have to do the "snakehippy, cross-legged walk" to get there!

My Domme side is working with a rather shy new fem sub. So far she's got over the shock of wearing a skirt (after a steady diet of shorts and track pants), no panties (and she's realised how comfy it is without them), and having to ask permission to go ... and the occasions when I say no! I'm working up to leaving the door open (given that Master is also in the house, that could be a tad more intimidating than in a couple situation). Although the dogs may yet force the issue before Me LOL! For Master and I, it is more a matter of openness and control, rather than humiliation play, though I know others see it differently.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



NControlofU -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 2:18:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Oh yea... and if you're a guy with a knife, Aquifina bottles have MANY uses - just cut the top of it off and viola! Instant urinal. For us, that saves on the risk and expense of funerals for idiots drowning because they had to stand on the edge of the boat to relieve themselves.


I agree that peeing over the side of the boat is dangerous, but I have one better than your water bottle, its called my slave.  She's my instant urinal whenever and wherever I need her to be.  Yeah, we love to go fishing too.  Its very handy to have a personal urinal with me all the time, and a warm soft mouth feels a lot nicer than hard plastic.



julietsierra -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 2:28:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Oh yea... and if you're a guy with a knife, Aquifina bottles have MANY uses - just cut the top of it off and viola! Instant urinal. For us, that saves on the risk and expense of funerals for idiots drowning because they had to stand on the edge of the boat to relieve themselves.


I agree that peeing over the side of the boat is dangerous, but I have one better than your water bottle, its called my slave.  She's my instant urinal whenever and wherever I need her to be.  Yeah, we love to go fishing too.  Its very handy to have a personal urinal with me all the time, and a warm soft mouth feels a lot nicer than hard plastic.


yea, well, that's quite lovely and all, but also quite inappropriate when your son is calling "mom! I think I've got one!!"

I'll stand by Aquifina.

juliet



eyesopened -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 2:30:04 AM)

To no one in particular-

i wonder why humans are the only animals who prefer to eliminate in total privacy.  Truth is other than changing menstrual pads or tampons there's nothing i'm going to do on the potty that He Himself hasn't done and if He wants to hang around to experience all the sights, sounds and smells well that's His business. 

in my very vanilla marriage we had an "open door" policy and at times we would simply warn each other... This ain't gonna be pretty...



NControlofU -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 2:30:59 AM)

Point well taken, juliet!  Little eyes need to be protected from adult kinks.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Oh yea... and if you're a guy with a knife, Aquifina bottles have MANY uses - just cut the top of it off and viola! Instant urinal. For us, that saves on the risk and expense of funerals for idiots drowning because they had to stand on the edge of the boat to relieve themselves.


I agree that peeing over the side of the boat is dangerous, but I have one better than your water bottle, its called my slave.  She's my instant urinal whenever and wherever I need her to be.  Yeah, we love to go fishing too.  Its very handy to have a personal urinal with me all the time, and a warm soft mouth feels a lot nicer than hard plastic.


yea, well, that's quite lovely and all, but also quite inappropriate when your son is calling "mom! I think I've got one!!"

I'll stand by Aquifina.

juliet



slaveluci -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 3:09:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
She was required to pee in a kitchen pot, not in the toilet......
That started with our first meeting, and it seemed as if it might go on indefinitely.  She never once quibbled over it

Master went out to local antique stores and shopped around for a couple different glass bowls for this purpose.  One is crystal-cut and one is this fragile, crackly-looking glass that is held up by a brass pedestal-type-thing shaped like angels.  When I came to spend time with Him for the first time, I had to pee in these for Him (He has less than zero interest in that other bodily function[:'(]).  I still do this from time to time, depending on what He desires.  It's always a nice surprise when I ask permission to go pee and He says "Get your bowl."  Mmmm.....sends chills down my spine[;)]............luci



SlND3R3LLA -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 3:17:06 AM)

I had many doms tell me this in the beginning when I first started talking to them.  Needless to say, I am not with those doms.  Master doesn't really care to see or hear me use the restroom, though he isn't against taking a look when I take a shower or something like that.  I always go in and take a pee when he is in the shower, I think that is enough for him.[;)]
 
I had most use it as a power trip, or their idea of a "fantasy" M/s relationship.  They would name the restroom thing off in a list of the things they allow or don't allow.  I got bored with that laundry list that sounded the same from dom to dom very quickly.
 
I think there are times when everyone needs a bit of privacy.  Perhaps while you are showering or something like that is a time for you to gather your thoughts, get prepared for the day, and just be alone with yourself.  I agree in giving up all control, that is what I have done, but that doesn't get rid of the need for me to still feel as though I can be alone once in a while.  My Master knows if he wants to come in, he is more than welcome and is free to do as he pleases.  I personally appreciate that he gives me that time that I require for myself.  This all works very well for us, but to each their own.
 
Sin

edited to add this PS
 
Master just came over and asked what I was writing about.  He jokingly said that he might just make that a rule from now on, to leave the door open.  I informed him that the biggest portion of the time, I leave it open anyway....he then informed me, that he does the same thing (the restroom upstairs).  So, guess we already practice this and neither one of us knew it[:)].  You learn something new everyday, even after living in the same house for quite awhile.  ~S



blmtrsne -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 4:42:18 AM)

My slave/husband has no privacy and does not insist on it. If he's in the bathroom and I need to be there, I won't think twice. My privacy is sacret, so he does not enter if I don't want to. But in general the bathroomdoor is shut because I like it to be.



chiaThePet -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 6:29:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blmtrsne

My slave/husband has no privacy and does not insist on it. If he's in the bathroom and I need to be there, I won't think twice. My privacy is sacret, so he does not enter if I don't want to. But in general the bathroomdoor is shut because I like it to be.


So as with most issues here at the collarme hive, this one also raises as a rainbow
of resplendent reasons. (Sorry Eva, didn't really mean to semi hijack the thread)
There will be those that do, those that don't, those that will, those that won't.

For me, it hasn't really been a control, privacy, surrender, or obedience
tissue issue. i would simply wish to spare those around me the lovely journey
into the sensory zone. When it comes right down to it, i really don't give a hoot
nor holler about open or closed doors, they tend to become non-existent when
in a relationship anyway, humility takes a back seat to necessity just about every
morning before work ya know. Many more issues of greater caliber have been
raised here for future discussion, and the debate will live on and on and on. But
that's a good thing. In the meantime, i'll just offer a courtesy flush before heading
off to work, though the next time my boss starts grandstanding about his open
door policy, it's gonna be a real challange not to break up nor break wind.

chia* (the pet) 

edited cause i forgot the spray the strawberries and cream glade. 



Lashra -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 6:41:50 AM)

No I don't agree with this new Dom friend of yours. I believe my submissive (or anyone) has a right to some privacy. I think if someone is unwilling to give another person any privacy at ALL, that they have some issues going on.

I give my sub his privacy as I feel each person deserves to have some. I know others will disagree with me, but this is how my relationship is run.

~Lashra



ownedgirlie -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 7:19:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

No I don't agree with this new Dom friend of yours. I believe my submissive (or anyone) has a right to some privacy. I think if someone is unwilling to give another person any privacy at ALL, that they have some issues going on.

I give my sub his privacy as I feel each person deserves to have some. I know others will disagree with me, but this is how my relationship is run.

~Lashra



But....do you see the conflict here?  No problem how you run your relationship, but you're suggesting that about three pages of dominants have "issues going on" here. 

I get my privacy in other areas, btw, just not in the bathroom when I am visiting him.

Then again, I grew up in a household where 5 siblings shared one bathroom.  Getting ready for school meant one in the shower, one at the sink and one on the toilet.   Privacy?  What the heck is privacy? [8D]




octavia -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 7:21:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

heck, I don't even burp in front of people. 
But in that case, my evil side would demand attention.  I would be very tempted to eat broccoli, cabbage and beans for lunch, and take a nice laxative before my "date". 
Kyst


Talk about topping from the bottom!

chia* (the pet)

[:D]LOL[:D]



Missokyst -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 7:47:01 AM)

For me the point of it was that she was not his submissive, YET.  If I went to a party and the host demanded that the bathroom doors remain open I am probably not going to eat any snacks before it is time for me to leave.  Dom or not, unless you are dictating to someone who is yours, it is just impertinent to demand the removal of privacy.  Now, if she did have the privacy to use the facilities and THEN he talked to her about what his preference was should she become his, that is another matter. 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

No I don't agree with this new Dom friend of yours. I believe my submissive (or anyone) has a right to some privacy. I think if someone is unwilling to give another person any privacy at ALL, that they have some issues going on.

I give my sub his privacy as I feel each person deserves to have some. I know others will disagree with me, but this is how my relationship is run.

~Lashra



But....do you see the conflict here?  No problem how you run your relationship, but you're suggesting that about three pages of dominants have "issues going on" here. 

I get my privacy in other areas, btw, just not in the bathroom when I am visiting him.

Then again, I grew up in a household where 5 siblings shared one bathroom.  Getting ready for school meant one in the shower, one at the sink and one on the toilet.   Privacy?  What the heck is privacy? [8D]





CelticPrince -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 8:00:09 AM)

Nefertari,

So if the stream goes awry, your the clean up person?

CP



slaveluci -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 9:31:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
I believe my submissive (or anyone) has a right to some privacy. I think if someone is unwilling to give another person any privacy at ALL, that they have some issues going on......I give my sub his privacy as I feel each person deserves to have some

I see your point.  In our relationship, there's kind of a fine line with us in this department.  Master can have access to everything (all bathroom activity, pin numbers, passwords, contents of purse, journals, logs on my cell phone, etc).  You name it and He has the right to be privy to it.  However, He does not care to be privy to all of it.  He doesn't want to refuse me any shred of privacy though we both know and believe that it is well within His rights/ability to do so.  He doesn't desire that so He doesn't do it.  If He did, that would be fine too. 

I see all sides of this issue.  I have nothing to hide from Him and want Him to know that.  He, on the other hand, does know that and doesn't feel driven to know every detail of everything I do just to show that He can.  I understand that others do it differently and again I say "wonderful!  Whatever works best"..............luci   



slavegirljoy -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 10:16:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass
His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship.
This is also the case in my relationship with my Master, but it wasn't the case until He actually took ownership of me and i was His full time, live-in slave.  Wwe didn't have a "dating" period and, if Wwe had, it would have been very difficult for Him to have this kind of control over me, as i was living 2 states away until i moved in with Him.
 
quote:

For him, the control aspect of a D/s relationship is very empowering, so I am assuming that he would choose a partner who enjoys giving up control. His contention was that his partner should regard the action of giving up privacy, including in the john, as a way to open herself up more to him, permitting him more control, and reliquishing more of her autonomy..
Since being His property, i did relinquish all of my individual rights to privacy, and did so willingly and gladly.  i want and fill a strong need to feel that depth of enslavement to my Master.  He owns my body and my mind.  He doesn't allow me to withhold anything from Him, not even a silly or negative thought that i might have.  He makes me tell Him what i'm thinking and feeling all the time.  That was a very hard thing for me to do and it took a lot of strength and determination, on His part, to get me to stop holding back.  Keeping ownership of my private thoughts had always been very sacred to me in all of my relationships, as a part of my defense against anyone getting "too close" to me.  Letting down that privacy wall to my thoughts was, by far, much more demanding and liberating, to me, than keeping open the bathroom door. 
quote:

I am curious if this is a common element in D/s relationships even during the dating phase. I want to hear from Dom/mes and submissives/slaves alike about this topic - including any examples of how it has affected or enhanced the D/s connection.
eva 
i don't know how common it is, but, for me, the fact that my Master controls my bathroom use is no different than His controlling my bedtime or where and how i sleep.  He does enjoy being able to control all aspects of my life, but there are also a reasons behind His rules.  They aren't just rules that popped into His head to control me, just because He can.  For instance, He knows that i tend to not get enough sleep, because i get so busy and wrapped up in "doing things" and "getting things done" and i can be a little too hyper, at times, and even an insomniac.  So, He makes it mandatory that i get 8 hours of sleep a night, (even though i don't like it), for my own health, as well exercising His control over me.   The same with my bathroom use.  He's not interested in watching me use the bathroom, although He has on occasion.  He doesn't want me wasting my time and He knows that i can "piddle" away time too easily, just playing with my hair or some other silliness.  He also knows that, ever since i was a young girl growing up in a small house with a lot of kids and very little privacy, that i will tend to "hide" in the bathroom when something is bothering me and, like i said, He won't let me hide my feelings and thoughts from Him.  He makes me open up to Him and talk to Him about what's going on inside of me.  So, there is a very positive aspect to the control my Master exerts over this slave's life. slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

Edited to add:  i just saw my horoscope for today and thought it was fitting for this discussion, especially since exposing ourselves to another can make us feel so vulnerable, so here it is.

July 23, 2007
Aquarius Horoscope
Showing vulnerability is a tricky thing -- on the one hand, it is the fastest, most powerful way to make a connection with someone. But on the other hand, it may also make you feel more emotionally exposed than you are comfortable with right now. When in doubt, you should opt for protecting yourself -- at least until you feel more comfortable in this situation. Things can change quickly, especially where the human heart is concerned.





EvaLass -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 1:05:55 PM)

While this post may be less than earth-shattering, I found the views aired (pun intended) fascinating. I am finding it hard to withhold (another pun) my own personal viewpoints. You have all shared so generously that I feel selfish not weighing in. It really wouldn't bother me in the least if the Dom himself really wants to subject himself to the sights and sounds emanating from the bathroom. To me, it would be an awful trial to be the Dom in question, since the bathroom is right by the bedroom. It is an issue of control, yes, but perhaps it is also a litmus test to see if a prospective slave or sub will do something that he already guesses she most likely will dislike. He gathers this evidence from the fact that the submissive closes two doors - one on either side of the bathroom -  tightly when she is in there: thus, a soft limit emerges ready to be taken down. It is also in my view seeing whether the submissive will take a step along the path to being a slave willing to give up most or all privacy when in presence of the Dom. D/s relationships are surely as individual as the two people who become involved in them. Nobody can ever really get inside to know what makes them work.

I will be at the M/s conference next week in Washington, DC. Just watch for the sub with the Dom (not her official "Sir") waiting within about three feet from the bathroom door. Tehehe.



Wildfleurs -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 1:22:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass

I was speaking with a Dom friend of mine who I am getting to know. After a brief period of getting to know a new submissive, he requires her to leave the bathroom door open at all times, regardless of what she is doing in there. His feeling is that the submissive must give up all rights to emotional and physical privacy when she is with him at his home, even if they are only dating but not yet in a committed relationship. For him, the control aspect of a D/s relationship is very empowering, so I am assuming that he would choose a partner who enjoys giving up control. His contention was that his partner should regard the action of giving up privacy, including in the john, as a way to open herself up more to him, permitting him more control, and reliquishing more of her autonomy.

I am curious if this is a common element in D/s relationships even during the dating phase. I want to hear from Dom/mes and submissives/slaves alike about this topic - including any examples of how it has affected or enhanced the D/s connection.

eva 


Thats not something thats been a part of our relationship - if anything its the reverse.  I was raised in a household that didn't believe in closed doors, that includes going to the bathroom.  I have to remind myself to close the door behind me because my owners preference is to not see me going to the bathroom.

C~



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: D/s relationships: the submissive's privacy (7/23/2007 2:51:14 PM)

ok i just do not understand the whole fantical thing about bathroom fantasy stuff.. but its ok we are ok life is ok if you like this dom would say compromise and have fun shrugs



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