Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette"

Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (Full Version)

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RegiaSADICA -> Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/22/2007 10:37:14 PM)
I'm a Domme and my sub is DYING 2 meet me in person. We're from 2 very different countries and since I'm willing 2 travel 2 his, we agreed 2 do that. As a Domme, what do I do? Nothing? Is it my RIGHT 2 just let my sub (or even force him?) take care of everything (by that I mean expenses: plane tickets, hotel (just in case), transportation, meals, etc)? Should I pay for something? As a sub, is he "allowed" 2 say NO 2 taking care of it all? (even if we had a previous "agreement") Does this make him less of a sub? On my part, I am always upfront and HONEST, and I'm not the richest person nor the poorest, but since I'm not able 2 afford the trip (and he's been told from the beginning), is it right 2 assume he'd b taking care of it? Anyway... What would U (Dommes/subs) do if U were in my Domme shoes? (Please b as SPECIFIC as possible). Thanks

laurassecrets -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/22/2007 10:39:40 PM)
if he pays you are beholden to him... regardless of what you think, you owe him... and if it turns out he is a jerk or not what he says he is, do you really want that?

mnottertail -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/22/2007 10:40:52 PM)
eye would want 2 know what country you would b travelling 2 before I proffered an opinion------------then a little background would be helpful.

southernstyle -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/22/2007 11:04:11 PM)
I make it a point of never going anywhere with someone or to meet someone, if it's a first trip or meet, unless I have covered all of my own expenses. That way, if something doesn't go right, I know that I owe no one for anything. That has been my policy since I was in my early 20's...I never allow anyone to pick me up the first couple of times we go out..I drive myself. I don't want someone to accuse me of using them for their $$, and I don't want to be marrooned somewhere without transportation if things take a dive.[sm=idea.gif]

mantis65 -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/22/2007 11:07:39 PM)
If this were me in a vanilla relationship I would feel obligated to pay for everything. Within reason of course he may only be able to afford so much especially on a trip. Does he cook? Maybe “forcing” him to cook you a meal would be cheaper than eating out? Actually cooking for a Domme would be way more intimate than eating out at a restaurant for me. I believe the man should pay (old fashion) but I also understand his resources are finite. I would keep money set aside for a cab and hotel incase it does not work out. But other than that I believe the guy should pay.

NefertariReborn -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/22/2007 11:11:18 PM)
Go half and half. That way you're both taking some of the responsibility. p.s. love the pic but wow those journal fonts are tools for blindness. Still rubbing My eyes.

WyckedMystress -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 12:04:53 AM)
I would go half and half - if there is a cost involved which it sounds like there is - make it a joint cost. Afterall Yyou both want to meet. I wouldnt let him pay for Me simply for the reason that I dont want to feel like I owe anything to him on a first visit. Maybe after the first visit you can discuss the travel costs then? WyckedMystress

LadyPact -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 2:15:12 AM)
Without knowing a lot of detail, I would say split the cost, but have the resources to cover the whole trip if it doesn't pan out. Maybe you could pay for the travel and he could handle the accomidations. If you can't afford the cost should something go wrong, either skip going to meet him or have him come to you instead. Personally, I would prefer this last idea most of all because that way, you are not out the expense and it puts the responsibility on him where it belongs.

MisPandora -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 3:49:48 AM)
If it were me and I'd never met him before, he'd be flying here to see me and taking care of his own expenses. He could then later, if we liked one another, fly me there to see him on a subsequent visit. If you can't afford the trip there, you really wouldn't be able to afford getting there, having it not work, and then being stuck in a foreign country with no means to get around, etc. It sounds like you're really new to the psychology of D/s given that you're not sure if him having limits (financial or otherwise) makes him "less of a submissive." Really, I'd focus on that before worrying yourself about meeting some slave in another country. Do things on YOUR terms, not his. Your email leaves me curious as to what happens after you in two different countries meet -- then what? What is the goal and the point to meeting a submissive from another country? Is this just a play relationship? Is someone going to relocate? And who? And who pays for all of that? An aside-- I were in your shoes, I'd also take the time to spell out words like "two" and "you" and "be". If you're trying to make an impression, you want to put forward your best, right?

SunNMoon -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 7:18:10 AM)
I’d play it safe, which for me would be covering all my own expenses just in case if doesn’t work out. At the very least I would cover my own airfare and accommodations; this way you will have a way home and a place to stay there no matter what happens. I would also want to have a way to cover meals and sight seeing. The concern for me is what happens if he freaks out? If he pays, he could cancel to hotel or not pick you up at the airport. Now you’re stuck in a foreign country where you know no one. How are you going to be able to get home? Yes, I’d love for someone to pay for my trip to a foreign country but I don’t want to end up stuck there. Just my two cents.

LotusSong -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 9:58:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurassecrets if he pays you are beholden to him... regardless of what you think, you owe him... and if it turns out he is a jerk or not what he says he is, do you really want that? Ditto!!!! Go dutch. It does have it's advantages.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 2:49:52 PM)
Frankly, I wouldn't even consider traveling to another country to meet a sub (or having him travel to me). But if you must, remember one thing: Always, always, CYA. Plan your trip as if you were going there to be a tourist on your own. Pay your own plane, hotel while you're there, and other expenses. If you can agree to split the costs by having him reimburse you after you've already covered expenses, great. But if you get there - and he's a no show (all you have to do is comb through threads to see how common that is) - then you're safe and not stranded in another country.

MistressRouge -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 3:17:42 PM)
As a Dominant, we like things in order and organised. I pay My own way, and would not rely on others to pay for Me. When you reach your destination, then maybe your sub may ensure you are pampered etc. But things like flight tickets, and hotels I suggest you pay :).

PairOfDimes -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 5:50:27 PM)
I don't do relationships that will involve my travelling. That is, outside the city. So I've never had your precise experience. But I've dealt with money issues in multiple relationships, and I doubt it's very different. You say something like, "I'd love for us to see one another, and from our previous conversations I think you agree. It's unfortunate that I don't have the money but I have the ability to travel (what is it--time? visa?), and you have the money but not the ability to travel." Generally, it would be good for him to take the hint at this point and either offer to pay for your trip, or observe that while he could offer to pay for your trip, he doesn't think that would be a good idea. If he doesn't pick up on this, you could then ask whether he would be willing to pay for part or all of your trip, noting that it's not likely that you would see one another for some time if he didn't, but also noting that you're okay with waiting a while longer if he's not willing or able to fund your travel (that is, if you are--and I think it would be difficult not to be!) Feel free to use d/s rhetoric--if he gets off on being a "money slave," by all means, you can do that roleplay if you like--but know that BDSM relationships aren't that much different from other ones.

DrkJourney -> RE: Foreign Domme/sub "Etiquette" (7/23/2007 5:57:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail eye would want 2 know what country you would b travelling 2 before I proffered an opinion------------then a little background would be helpful. [sm=biggrin.gif]

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