Age: Life And Death? (Full Version)

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noumenon -> Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 2:50:10 AM)

Guten Tag.

For those of you who do not know me, I am 18 years old. I am finding it very difficult to relate to girls my age in and outside of the community. Being mildly intelligent seemingly eliminates half of the world as potential candidates to begin with.... combine that with my young age and interest in BDSM and the situation looks hopeless. I have considered several times dating older women and have had the opportunity a few times in the past. They have been anywhere between 20 and 45 years old. I think considering older women would greatly increase my chances of finding Mistress Right. However, I definitely worry about the repercussions of dating someone 5.. 10... even 20 years older than me or more. Even excluding the way society views such a relationship, which is not really a big concern with me. There are other very serious issues to address including the following.

#1. Peaking at my prime while my mistress is just starting to wind down. It's not that I would mind serving my mistress at an older age, but I would like to do more than just BDSM activities with her, such as sports and other sorts of adventure. This would be less viable of an option with a lady-friend hitting her 50's or 60's while i am in my 30's or 40's.

#2. Money trouble in the beginning. I like to think I have a very bright future both financially and otherwise, but that doesn't mean i'm going to be able to help pay the bills before I get a degree or at least some decent job experience. I'd have to worry about travel expenses, living expenses... everything costs money. We won't even get into what it would be like if she were to be relying on me for money instead of the other way around. At 18 I can't even move out of my mom's house yet, let alone move into her house and support this lifestyle with my limited funds. A 30 year old woman can't live with her parents while we get to know each other online and plan for the future like someone younger could.

#3. There are many other reasons both good and bad i'm sure you will all bring up that are very valid. One of the most fearful for me is the simple fact that my mistress/wife would die so much earlier than me ( statistically speaking ). I'd be worried about this dating a woman who was much older than me. I'm sorry if that sounds bad. I just always hoped of growing old together.. and not having to live for too long without the woman I loved. Being into athletics I already expect to live a little longer than the average person... take into consideration the possibility she could smoke and be overweight. God forbid, she could end up dying 20 or 30 years before I do. I don't want to live with having to worry about that. Would you?

I am horribly sorry if anything i've said offends anyone, that was not my intention by any means. I am simply asking for your opinions on an 18 year old male considering the possibility of serving/dating an older mistress. If you have any pro's or con's that you would like to mention please do, they would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for all your kind words!



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 5:37:21 AM)

First, welcome to the boards noumenon.

quote:

#1. Peaking at my prime while my mistress is just starting to wind down. It's not that I would mind serving my mistress at an older age, but I would like to do more than just BDSM activities with her, such as sports and other sorts of adventure. This would be less viable of an option with a lady-friend hitting her 50's or 60's while i am in my 30's or 40's.


1. I'm not sure if you are aware of it but women reach their sexual peak at a much later time them men do, am not sure of the figures but I'm confident someone will share them with us. Personally, I'm 47 and more active now then I was in my 20's.

quote:

#2. Money trouble in the beginning. I like to think I have a very bright future both financially and otherwise, but that doesn't mean i'm going to be able to help pay the bills before I get a degree or at least some decent job experience. I'd have to worry about travel expenses, living expenses... everything costs money. We won't even get into what it would be like if she were to be relying on me for money instead of the other way around. At 18 I can't even move out of my mom's house yet, let alone move into her house and support this lifestyle with my limited funds. A 30 year old woman can't live with her parents while we get to know each other online and plan for the future like someone younger could.


2. In my 20's and 30's I was busy raising kids and trying to survive, now my kids are grown and gone and I'm settled in my life. My (Our) home is paid for, so are all but one of our vehicles, the only bills we pay each month are the utility bills...... score one for being older... lol

quote:

#3. There are many other reasons both good and bad i'm sure you will all bring up that are very valid. One of the most fearful for me is the simple fact that my mistress/wife would die so much earlier than me ( statistically speaking ). I'd be worried about this dating a woman who was much older than me. I'm sorry if that sounds bad. I just always hoped of growing old together.. and not having to live for too long without the woman I loved. Being into athletics I already expect to live a little longer than the average person... take into consideration the possibility she could smoke and be overweight. God forbid, she could end up dying 20 or 30 years before I do. I don't want to live with having to worry about that. Would you?


3. Statistically speaking, women live longer then men. I'm not saying you should date older women, I'm saying that you need to do what you are comfortable with. I do understand the idea of having to watch someone you love grow old years before you could be heart breaking, but in the same respect... young people die every day. You can't seal yourself away from that possibility. As I told my kids... if I were to die tomorrow, know that I died happy, that I lived and loved with all my heart and it was worth letting go of the fear.

My advice... live like there is no tomorrow and love with everything in you, there are no guarantees written or implied. No point in wasting precious time worrying about what we cannot control.

Jewel



MHOO314 -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 6:00:09 AM)

Welcome as well! Many things said, I agree with--I too am better than ever as they say, however, again it is not about the sexual but the D/dance of the D/dynamic-- I have shied away from those much younger due to their lack of world experience-- to be able to share a common intellectual ground--that does not imply that you do not-- many that approach Me don't and many seek the Mommy dynamic which is not where I am either--but you seem very serious and that is an awesome start--IMHO, life is too short to worry about what others think and a good Domme if you click won't give a hoot about age, but be careful you do not fall prey to the wannabes--My best wishes...



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 6:02:32 AM)

Quite honestly - I wouldn't worry so much about finding a life partner at this point in your life.

You are quite right about one thing - in order to have a bright future, what you DO need to do is get a degree or two. That needs to be your focus in life right now - look at it as setting yourself up to be the best sub you can be later on.

I'm not saying that you need to put your interest in the lifestyle on the backburner right now. However, focusing on finding a life partner is generally a sure way to NOT find one. Take some time to enjoy yourself, spend time with friends, find a local TNG group to get involved with.




SecretDomme -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 6:02:48 AM)

I think the points you present are valid, and you wouldn't have thought of them if they weren't meaningful to you. Many couples with a large age difference exist and do make it work, but I know many that have gone through the same thought process as you before feeling "comfortable". I think the most valid point you make is the one that involves having similar life interests over time. That would certainly be my greatest concern. It's sometimes difficult to find someone my own age with the same interests :-)

Have you looked into some local BDSM groups that include a section for younger members? Many have groups that cater to the 18-35 year old crowd.

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

Just a small comment on your profile. I found it well written and interesting to read. I do get a slight feeling of you putting up a "wall", however. Being true to yourself is very important of course, but to make comments like you are "not easy to get along with" and that you are "guaranteed to make enemies" with your personality might be pushing people away. But I suppose you are seeking the one that will accept that challenge. :-)

I wish you the best,
Julie



MstrssPassion -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 6:53:03 AM)

Your words do show that you are taking careful consideration of a potential partners feelings as well as your own. That is quite admirable.

I agree with what MsSonnetMarwood had to say... "Quite honestly - I wouldn't worry so much about finding a life partner at this point in your life."

I have had the chance to speak with many younger submissives & dominants, both male & female. I sympathize with their dilema of finding a partner within the context of D/s at such an early age. Often they are not taken seriously about their inner feelings & desires by people they talk with. They are also often faced with giggles or flat out disgust by people within their own age group.

I actually had one experience with a younger sub that brought me to my decision of not accepting a younger sub again & it is different than that of the OP, noumenon... it was about having a child. I have completed that period of my life & he was very much interested in having a child of his own. I decided to release him, I did not want him to miss out on fulfilling that desire of having a child.

I wish you all the best with your journey of self discovery & eventually finding a mate in which to explore with.

MstrssPassion



perverseangelic -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 10:24:26 AM)

Heyla,
This is not as related a response as it could be, but I'm throwing my 2c in anyway.

I'm 22 now, and have been playing since I turned legal. It -does- take some work to find partners your age, but it isn't impossible. I'm the type that isn't attracted to someone much older than me, which does leave me at loose ends, often.

That said, do what makes you feel good! Try dating people older than you. If it works for you, more power to you. If it doesn't, well, then you know.

Also, like everyone said, don't worry too much about fiding a life-partner right off the bat. I'm shocked that I managed to find mine by 22, to tell the truth, but that was a combination of bad circumstances and luck. When you're meant ot meet the right person you will. In the meantime, enjoy yourself and all the fun you're in for!

S

(not to be over solicitous or anything, but if you have any desire to talk to another youngun who started young feel free to say hello to me. I'm on YIM and AIM with the same handle. Sorry if this sounds creepy, but young people who are new to bdsm are sort of my pet project)



LadyAngelika -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 11:52:56 AM)

quote:

Sorry if this sounds creepy, but young people who are new to bdsm are sort of my pet project


This doesn't sound creepy at all. I have a good feeling that your intentions are honourable and I know for a fact that you are a very bright woman—one simply needs to read your posts to see this.

And to the OP:

I have to echo what many have said. Live today. Do some planning for the future but also realise that somethings might change. I do not want this comment to come across as ageist, but many things that I held near and dear and “the truth” when I was 18 have changed dramatically over the last 15 years. This is a good thing… it means I have permitted myself to search, adapt and evolve.

I also have to echo the comments about a woman’s libido. I’ll soon be 33 and I can’t remember ever being so sexual and into exploring. I even went out and found myself a younger man (28) who can keep up ;)

- LA



noumenon -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 1:55:59 PM)

First I would just like to say thank you all so very much. I have participated in a few other forums and never once in my experience was I given only positive and well mannered feedback.

As far as the replies, I understand those of you who have said it seems a little early to be worried about making solidified plans for the future such as finding a life partner. I also agree, the harder you look the less likely you are to find them in many cases. However, i'm sure you can also understand what it feels like to be so alone and not give in to the urge to search for someone as enthusiastically as possible. I also have too many emotional objects to intentionally temporary relationships and am unwilling to participate in anything I don't think has a future. I will definitely take your advice into consideration and try not to expect anything to happen so soon, but it's never going to stop being hard when i'm alone.

Because of my age and limited resources I am not yet looking into local real-time groups. Not only do I not have a form of reliable transportation yet, but I am also a bit skeptical of being around BDSM groups in real life. There can be a lot of ego involved with this lifestyle and some people tend to get overly defensive about certain things. I am a rather "touchy" emotional person and have a nack for being chased out by mobs every time I enter a new place and begin speaking my mind. I would hate to feel in danger at any time simply because I was attempting to further investigate the community. When it comes down to it I guess i'm just not ready to take that step yet. Being shy has a lot to do with it as well of course.

Why would helping younger BDSM enthusiasts sound creepy? I think it's wonderful that some of the more mature and intelligent members of the community step up and help the newcomers settle in. I would thankful of any help offered by anyone, but keep in mind that doesn't mean i'll take all of your recommendations. I have always believed you can learn something from everyone, but I also think in the end you have to follow your own heart.

Thanks again everyone for the phenomenal support... I really feel like I can come to this forum with questions and not have to worry about being attacked now.

[Edit] - SecretDomme, you are correct indeed! If I am to ever have a successful relationship it will be necessary for her to appreciate or atleast accept certain characteristics about me that most would not. Anyone can advertise the treasure in the cave and attract imitation knights. Only one who advertises the dragon protecting the treasure will find the few worthy of it's spoils.



MaitresseEden -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 2:24:56 PM)

quote:

I would just like to say thank you all so very much. I have participated in a few other forums and never once in my experience was I given only positive and well mannered feedback.


When you pose a well written question in an intelligent manner you will get caring and comapssionate responses. I applaude you for understanding your limitations, and not pushing your self too far too fast.

quote:

There can be a lot of ego involved with this lifestyle and some people tend to get overly defensive about certain things. I am a rather "touchy" emotional person and have a nack for being chased out by mobs every time I enter a new place and begin speaking my mind. I would hate to feel in danger at any time simply because I was attempting to further investigate the community. When it comes down to it I guess i'm just not ready to take that step yet. Being shy has a lot to do with it as well of course.


You already appear to have a good grip on the reality of this scene, and I see no need to push yourself to do somethin your uncomfortable with doing. There are many dommes who enjoy younger men, even those in limited cirumstances such as yours.

Personally I would try to find one local to you, and start with simple things such as offering to be a houseboy, or running errands. Allow them to mentor you and slowly show you the ropes and introduce you to the scene. Of course it is important t hat you take the time to converse and get to know them abit before just giving yourself away to them. Do your homework and check them out.
quote:

I think it's wonderful that some of the more mature and intelligent members of the community step up and help the newcomers settle in. I would thankful of any help offered by anyone, but keep in mind that doesn't mean i'll take all of your recommendations. I have always believed you can learn something from everyone, but I also think in the end you have to follow your own heart.

Thanks again everyone for the phenomenal support... I really feel like I can come to this forum with questions and not have to worry about being attacked now.


Welcome to the forums.. keep posting! it is a great way to get to know people.

Ms. Eden



slave4mzpatti -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 6:20:35 PM)

Don't worry so much. Let life happen.



noumenon -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 7:30:41 PM)

I do appreciate your good intentions slave4mzpatti, but I don't believe you should just let life happen. We all have to make choices... so I figure you might as well try to make the best ones along the way. I am less worrysome than I am analytical. Just trying to make the best out of the time I have here. Thanks again everyone for all the feedback.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 8:00:39 PM)

quote:

I am less worrysome than I am analytical. Just trying to make the best out of the time I have here.


And I think this shows a lot of maturity and promise. I think you will go far in live noumenon.

- LA



noumenon -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 8:48:13 PM)

You're too kind LadyAngelika. As far as me getting anywhere in life.. I think first me and life have to make a truce. If things keep going the way they're going now i'll end up in prison or a psychiatric ward. Hehe.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 8:55:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: noumenon
You're too kind LadyAngelika. As far as me getting anywhere in life.. I think first me and life have to make a truce. If things keep going the way they're going now i'll end up in prison or a psychiatric ward. Hehe.


Well you seem to have enough of a head on your shoulders to make the necessary changes so that this does not happen. :)

- LA



AAkasha -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 9:04:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: noumenon

Guten Tag.

For those of you who do not know me, I am 18 years old. I am finding it very difficult to relate to girls my age in and outside of the community. Being mildly intelligent seemingly eliminates half of the world as potential candidates to begin with.... combine that with my young age and interest in BDSM and the situation looks hopeless. I have considered several times dating older women and have had the opportunity a few times in the past. They have been anywhere between 20 and 45 years old. I think considering older women would greatly increase my chances of finding Mistress Right. However, I definitely worry about the repercussions of dating someone 5.. 10... even 20 years older than me or more. Even excluding the way society views such a relationship, which is not really a big concern with me. There are other very serious issues to address including the following.

#1. Peaking at my prime while my mistress is just starting to wind down. It's not that I would mind serving my mistress at an older age, but I would like to do more than just BDSM activities with her, such as sports and other sorts of adventure. This would be less viable of an option with a lady-friend hitting her 50's or 60's while i am in my 30's or 40's.

#2. Money trouble in the beginning. I like to think I have a very bright future both financially and otherwise, but that doesn't mean i'm going to be able to help pay the bills before I get a degree or at least some decent job experience. I'd have to worry about travel expenses, living expenses... everything costs money. We won't even get into what it would be like if she were to be relying on me for money instead of the other way around. At 18 I can't even move out of my mom's house yet, let alone move into her house and support this lifestyle with my limited funds. A 30 year old woman can't live with her parents while we get to know each other online and plan for the future like someone younger could.

#3. There are many other reasons both good and bad i'm sure you will all bring up that are very valid. One of the most fearful for me is the simple fact that my mistress/wife would die so much earlier than me ( statistically speaking ). I'd be worried about this dating a woman who was much older than me. I'm sorry if that sounds bad. I just always hoped of growing old together.. and not having to live for too long without the woman I loved. Being into athletics I already expect to live a little longer than the average person... take into consideration the possibility she could smoke and be overweight. God forbid, she could end up dying 20 or 30 years before I do. I don't want to live with having to worry about that. Would you?

I am horribly sorry if anything i've said offends anyone, that was not my intention by any means. I am simply asking for your opinions on an 18 year old male considering the possibility of serving/dating an older mistress. If you have any pro's or con's that you would like to mention please do, they would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for all your kind words!


When you meet the right person and things fall into place, whether or not age factors into it will either be an issue or not. But there are exceptions to the issues you brought up regarding older women. My husband was not much interested in women when he was 18 either because he was too bright and didn't want to deal with a lot of the BS. He was very mature for his age.

I had no intentions at all for falling into anything of significance with a guy that much younger than I am. He was 21 when we first connected (and living at home) and I was 30. We got married when he was 23 and I was 32. Older women often already have their careers well in order -- I did, so the money wasn't an issue. We don't have many issues at all with our age difference, because I don't act or look my age and he doesn't either -- we meet in the middle.

There are women that don't smoke and are health conscious also. Common interests will help you find the women you connect with on all levels.

Maturity was the most important thing for me when I found myself with a 23 year old. There was no way it would have worked if he didn't have social grace, maturity and well-roundedness to be comfortable at my work functions and corporate affairs. I couldn't be seen with a "boy" who behaved like a frat kid or lacked tact or style. It was never an issue for him, and it sounds like it wouldn't be for you either.

Regardless, you don't need to worry about your entire life ahead of you right now -- you've got time to experiment. Don't feel that you have to date your own age group if you find the connections are lacking, and don't feel that if you date a woman older you are going to be roped into a relationship. You're just getting to know people.

Akasha



noumenon -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 10:04:09 PM)

Very valid point AAkasha. I guess in the end I should give everyone a chance and see how things go. I definately don't believe anyone has time to waste or expirament with, but sometimes it IS necessary to experience things before you can make a decisions as to whether or not you like it. Thanks for the advice. It's going to be difficult finding a Mistress who is patient enough to go through such a long and drawn out process of getting to know eachother.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/26/2005 10:54:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: noumenon
I do appreciate your good intentions slave4mzpatti, but I don't believe you should just let life happen. We all have to make choices... so I figure you might as well try to make the best ones along the way. I am less worrysome than I am analytical. Just trying to make the best out of the time I have here.

I admire your having thought of the different aspects within a potential relationship, and LOVE your reply above...
I agree that age matters but it becomes a matter of weather you are willing to live and experience things without expectations of years ahead, or maybe find someone closer to your age with whom you might have more in common in everyday life.
I happen to like living in the moment, but it's never entirely so much so that I forget future implications... Guess I'm not that spontaneous, and wouldn't play with someone I could never see myself with later, even granting that there are no guarantees..
I agree mostly with Perverse's words that you ought to date older to see how you feel, and have fun with maybe less focus on life partner thing.. M



fillepink -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/27/2005 3:53:34 AM)

i have faced this same queston. men in their 20's, 30's 40's etc email me, and i am certain i want nothing more than friendship with a man in his 20's. my feelings about men in their 30's are a bit more vague; 31 is different than 38; and each man's maturity level is different. but in the end, i usually lack the guts to pursue anything with a man in his 30's.

i am comfortable with men in their 40's, esp late 40's, and in their 50's, but then what about men in their 60's? i am uneasy; i am afraid of my partner dying.

but all this fuss over age is self-defeating; yes, it would be fun to reminesce about disco with someone, but it is certainly not important.

and there is the sexual aspect; when i turned about 47, i felt as if someone turned on a blast furnace; i was hyper-sexual. i was celibate but sex overtook my thoughts and my body craved it -- still does. maybe there are women who reach 50 and say "fudge, i don't wanna f**k anymore" but it sure is not me. i suspect it is a myth. i think women grow more and more sexual as they age; at least i have.

at the end of the day, i want a Man i trust and respect; and i think it would be very hard to trust a 30 yr old, but if it happened i would be no less joyful than if he were 48. fillepink











[image]local://upfiles/72910/CD242465731F41BA898082AB6A976028.jpg[/image]



SecretDomme -> RE: Age: Life And Death? (6/27/2005 4:22:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: noumenon

Very valid point AAkasha. I guess in the end I should give everyone a chance and see how things go. I definately don't believe anyone has time to waste or expirament with, but sometimes it IS necessary to experience things before you can make a decisions as to whether or not you like it. Thanks for the advice. It's going to be difficult finding a Mistress who is patient enough to go through such a long and drawn out process of getting to know eachother.


Having patience is needed on both sides, in my opinion. There are plenty of us out there who take that time to get to know a prospective partner, because we are seeking a special bond as well.

Be well,
Julie



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