WhiplashSmile
Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PONYSEEKER
... As a scene progresses feedback from the sub becomes les and less reliable and at
some point you are going to find yourself in a position where you do not feel comfortable with what is
going on and of course at that point if your instinct are telling you that it is too extreme then stop. If you
are using the same sub over and over then you will very quickly be able to tell from her body exactly what
is going on. I for instance keep a lookout on my subs breathing especially the way she inhales. I have found that she inhales much faster when its approaching the edge. I also look for a confused dazed deer in headlights stare that indicates to me that I cant trust her opinion at that point.
Yes, The dazed and confused deer in the headlights look! LOL.. love the choice of words here.
Don't rely on safe words to end the scene.
I have always been a supporter of the use of safe words, however, in reality most submissives don't want to use 'em. So don't expect your sub to use the safe word to end the session. I believe there are a number of thread on this topic already, with the reasoning behind submissives/slaves not wanting to use a safe word. Safe words are like fire extinguishers, sure they are they in case of emergency, but they seldom get used. Expecting to do a scene until a sub cries out the safe word, is not a good thing to do. If your sub does by chance ever use a safe word, Trust and Believe it's with good reason. Be prepared to give your sub reassurance, that they did not let you down or fail you by using it.
Physical Responses
You will need to study and pay attention to physical responses, sounds, breathing, even notice head posture. Gradually these things can change. If it feels like it's magically time to stop for some unknown reason, Stop, pause, and check up on the sub. Reactions and physical responses somewhat vary from person to person. However, most of the things people have shared regarding breathing, Deer in head light look (eye dilation, glassy looking eyes), curled toes, even hands and fingers, general skin coloration, noises they make. If you have to keep in mind, the harder or longer you play, you will see more and more physical response changes. Nearly everything people have suggested to pay attention or look for is a good idea to keep in mind and observe.
Spanking Goals
Spanking is a bit like weight lifting. Where you can lift a shit load of heavy weights a few times, or lift a small load of weights several times. Some people do a little bit of both when working out.
Keep in mind, if it's your intention to leave heavy deep bruises on the ass, you'll probably be going at it Heavy. This simply means whacking Ass fewer times. If you get off on spanking her ass silly for long period of time, you'll want to go lightly on them. Mixing it up, makes things a little more interesting and not so predictable. I've actually heard some submissives complain of Dom's doing the same thing over and over again.
Another thing to think about is spanking only one small part of a scene or is it the focus of the scene itself? if spanking is part of a scene or you intend upon playing with your submissive in other ways, after spanking ass, you need to make certain you have not pushed your sub too far. That you sub can still last through all the other things you want to do. So you need to consider how far you want to push your sub/slave with spanking. Or do you wish to attempt to drive her into subspace.
Checking up on things during scene play
LA nailed this one on the head, about service bottoms and what not to say "Are you OK?", this really can interrupt or change the mood of things quickly. Oh Yeah, and it kind of makes you sound like "Mr. Rodgers", probably the let thing your submissive wants.
OK, I guess it's time to open my vault of stupid tricks from my own playbook here, to give you a better idea of things to think about. At least you'll get the general jest or line of thinking,
The "I own your ass" literally approach. Please keep in mind I'm rather verbal and tend to enjoy verbal humilation. Basically, earlier on in the scene before spanking starts, I claim ownership of their own body. Including all their body parts. I'll make them repeat back to me who's Ass, pussy or nipples it is too. Basically, after declaring "their ass is mine", I was ask them a direct question expecting the appropriate answer.. "Who's Ass is this?" (perhaps I'm rubbing my hands over it warming it up, or sliding the flogger between the cheeks of their Ass at the time"... expecting an appropriate response such as "Your's Sir!".. and what am I going to do with "My ASS"?... "Spank it Sir"... Errrr.. Sorry wrong answer! Correct answer is "Anything I fucking want!", repeat Question again being a little firmer in my hand rubs or flogger stokes between the ass cheeks! "Anything you want Sir"... Ahhh.. "Good girl"... Anyways, I go through this process a couple times and slowly build upon it. "Who's little fucking whore Ass is this?" by this time, their ass is well warmed up. Mind you, I'm saying other things besides just repeating the same thing over and over. Perhaps, I've inspected other body parts and gone through similar comments. Basically, it allows me to touch and feel up their body in a sensual manner, while slowly becoming more verbal at the same time. BTW, since you are pretty new and she is, I would not make the mistake of assuming verbal humilation or name calling during play is NOT a Limit. Meaning this is something to talk about before jumping into with her. Would recommend you explore this with some other activity that you both currently enjoy first, i.e. Bodyworship or whatever else.
When it comes time for me to check up on them. I will be asking them "Is my little fuck slut ass hurting yet?", "Does it hurt?", "Does it hurt bad?", "How bad?" Oh course, I'll have my remarks of satisfaction to the answers they give. However, I'm basically expecting a quick response back. I had warmed them up to responding quicky from the start of things. In part, I can use their response time answering my questions as one of the things to Guage WTF is going on. I try to avoid asking question such as "Do you want more", "Can it take more", "Shall I continue" and etc... Sometimes, I will make them say something after each whack for awhile. Such as "Thank you Sir", "Thank You Daddy". Again, something to that can also be used to guage their response. Not only the time it takes them to respond, but also changes in tone of voice or breathing. If this is a long spanking session, I might start out this way, then drop having them answer questions or repeat a phrase after each blow. I will pace things and experiment a little, pauses between each spank, and intensity. I will take check up breaks, perhaps trace my flogger, hands or whatever evil device around their body, and make wicked nasty comments, all while checking up on their physical state. Good lord, I'll be typing forever at this rate. But I think this gives you a basic idea of how somebody can pull off checking up somebody, without asking "Are you OK?" and making it obvious that you are checking up on them. I tend to change things up, and not do the same old thing all the time.
Damn, I just have one more thing to add. You can have your submissive try to maintain a certain posture during play. Her ability to maintain and hold this posture can be used as another thing to guage WTF is going on with her. Believe it or not there is method to a lot of the things a Dom/top does during a scene, many of these things have more than one reason or purpose.
I think somebody already pointed out, verbal interaction can disrupt hitting or maintaining subspace. Something to consider if this is your spanking or scene goal. Some subs have never been able to achieve or hit subspace, others fall right into naturally.
Everybody is a little different, in how they physically or mentally respond. Take you time, and slowly explore things with your partner. Relax and enjoy it. Start off with shorter spanking sessions. Get a feel for things. Even if it's just for few spanks of the ass for the first time. Basically, don't start off with high expectations or goals. Trying to send your submissive off into subspace is not a realistic goal when you are just starting out.
Well, I think I've over typed myself to death. It's good to ask questions, read what everbody posts here. Doing research reading books, and getting your mindset prepared for spanking. Everybody has thier own style, tastes and ways about doing it crops, canes, floggers, paddles, wooden spoons, rulers, hairbrushes.... also, some people don't spank with the Goal of causing very much pain as well. Since your girl, is really new to all this.. I would slowly work up and allow you and her to discover her maso pain tolerences together. It's better to hear from her the next day talking about the scene that she could have taken a little more, or wished you went a little further with it.
Spanking does not have to be a painful activitity. Back to spanking Goals again. Yes, some people simply enjoy the sensation of light pain on their ass. Some people are not comfortable with leaving deep bruises. Some people actually want to be able to sit down in a chair aferwards and not be feeling it for days on end afterwards. LOL...
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RE: Sensing limits - 
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