StellaByStarlite
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quote:
ORIGINAL: julietsierra
As far as what I believe.:
That it's all well and good for a woman to obey her husband, for a man to provide for and protect her and all that.
HOWEVER!
I also believe a wife has a duty to that marriage as well that goes well beyond keeping the floors mopped and the sinks cleaned. I believe she has a duty to her husband to be educated and employable. I believe she has a duty to her children be ready in whatever capacity to do more than earn a minimum wage should the need ever arise, either due to the sudden unemployment or death of her husband and their father. I believe that complacency is never an option when it comes to marriage but that both people are responsible for the functioning of that family unit, and even if that means that "traditional" ideas have to fly out the window, then so be it. There's more at stake than just one person's desire to be the sole wage earner and protector of hearth and home.
Frankly, if I need a protector for the home, just HOW is he going to do that if he's away at work? It makes no sense to me. Besides, if I need a protector, either I'm getting a dog or we're moving out of a bad neighborhood.
I believe a woman owes it to herself and to her husband to be more than a housewife - and by that I mean regardless if she is the CEO of a company or is busy all day raising children and taking care of the house, she should have options. More importantly, she needs to be ready to exercise those options should the need arise. In my view, no woman, no matter how obedient, does her husband any favors by being the additional dependant and if for no other reason, her level of education and employability provides her husband with options he might not otherwise have. That could mean the ability to choose to change jobs, get into another field, open his own business or simply go back to school for his own edification and increased earning opportunity.
I've been the housewife and mom and I've been the working person outside the home in a two income family, and at least in my experience, no matter how you cut it, there is only so much housework that goes into every day. The rest of the day, at least for me, was spent largely waiting for him to come home and pursuing my hobbies. Kids were part of the process, but by no means were they the be all end all of my day - and my day included therapy for my daughter, soccer for my son, CCD, and numerous other endeavors - and I STILL was never filling up all the hours.
Compared to those who were out there working 8-10 hours a day and then coming home to do all the chores, fix dinner, take care of kids, etc...I had a pretty easy life. For me, there was simply no compare.
I know that there are many for whom this fulfills them - and in all honesty, it did me as well, but when I watched my husband struggle and worry over the bills and all that, it was more than apparant that I had it pretty darn good and that he was getting the short end of the stick.
Being a mother is singularly THE best job I've ever had, but working at something more than that contributed to the household and allowed my husband to have some breathing room in which he was able to pursue some of HIS hobbies and the activities he enjoyed.
In my world, even if he didn't like that I went back to work, that work provided HIM with much more than he'd have had if I stayed at home - so I refused to be obedient in this matter. The choices I made were more important than obedience to him.
juliet
Yes!!! I agree with this completely! Marriage is, when all is said and done, a partnership and a promise.. to your spouse, your family, and society. I firmly believe that both partners in this contract should be prepared to do whatever needs to be done to strengthen the fortress. It really does take the combined wills and determination of both.
My husband and I started out with a tentative " Master/slave" dynamic in the beginning. We both really struggled with it for whatever reason. Communication, interaction, etc. In our case, we both decided our marriage.. the commitment we made together, was more important. I'm not saying that marriage and M/s can't work out very well together, because in many cases it can. But both the husband and the wife should be prepared to be flexible as far "roles" go, or to even adapt a D/s dynamic AROUND the initial vows and oaths, instead of the other way around.
My husband has gotten very used to being the delegator in our relationship, as the authority and head of household. But now, as he and I have been making steps towards a more sustainable and greener lifestyle, he'll have to work more around the house. As I will have to get a job to bring some extra money in. It will have to be a combined effort from both of us, because we ultimately have the best interests of our family in mind.
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