classykindasassy
Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline
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I had a great experience getting grooved in. I have always had a knack of being able to draw in the kind of relationship I want...I am psychic and can screen people well, and I know what I want. I read a lot first. Then, on a vanilla site I ended up meeting the perfect guy to get me grooved in as he'd been invoved in the lifestyle for 13 yrs, and I actually qualled him as a vanilla prospect first, and on our first meeting I got the bonus of finding out he was an experienced dom. We were in a LTR as dom/sub for over a year. He taught me all I needed to know about safety, what works for me and doesnt. On a vanilla level out thing bottomed out so we went our own ways. I met another kinkster on a vanilla site who invited me to meet, and attend a monthly party at his home, which was my first party.
I took a break, and meanwhile posted profiles on all the good lifestyle sites. Got on the message boards and read some more. Again, I met someone on the same vanilla site, who also posted on the same lifestyle sites. My current dom got me involved in the public scene, and it really was fun! I got exposed to many more kinks, and with the level of trust we have, have gone on to blow way past what I said my hard limits were originally. BUT the caveat is that he is a paramedic, and a SANE person (ok a little crazy but so am I).
Make up your mind about the kind of person you want, and stick to that ideal. Trust your bullshit meter, and make sure it works. I came up with a way to test for my major qualifications before meeting face to face. Transparency and willingness to communicate plays a big part in my qualifying. COMMUNICATION, intelligence, stability, and a sense of humor were my front-line things. If all of these were not in the mix, no first meet. Don't be gullible. Test things and people until you can trust yourself to make good decisions based on intentions you have already formed. BE CLEAR about the kind of person you want on a vanilla level, and then hone in on the BDSM compatibility as you find out what you like. If the vanilla thing's not right, the BDSM will not have any longevity or greatness to it.
I started off in private, not even knowing about the public scene. If you know how to communicate and pick people, it can be done. But i think the public scene is awesome to expose you to things in real life before you try them. Not everyone is as trustworthy as my first dom was. And being able to talk to other subs would have been nice in helping me come to terms with being ok to have my kink.
< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 7/26/2007 7:39:45 PM >
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"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls
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