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Mindfuck help. - 7/24/2007 10:32:47 PM   
smirkingsheep


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline 		I was uncertain about whether I should make a new thread for this or not, but I figured it was too off topic for the Mindfuck vs Mindfuck YOU thread, and any other thread regarding mindfucks I could find were too old.

I recently became involve with a dom, and we're both a little inexperienced (although he far less than I).  Right now we're taking a break from on another, because I'm all jittery about trust and such, and he's... attempted to involved mindfucks far too soon - although he doesn't know what a mindfuck is.  (The term, I mean). 

I'd really appreciate it if someone could help me find some articles or forum threads on the matter, especially ones the emphasize the need for aftercare - for both my and his understanding.
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RE: Mindfuck help. - 7/24/2007 11:30:40 PM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smirkingsheep

I was uncertain about whether I should make a new thread for this or not, but I figured it was too off topic for the Mindfuck vs Mindfuck YOU thread, and any other thread regarding mindfucks I could find were too old.

I recently became involve with a dom, and we're both a little inexperienced (although he far less than I).  Right now we're taking a break from on another, because I'm all jittery about trust and such, and he's... attempted to involved mindfucks far too soon - although he doesn't know what a mindfuck is.  (The term, I mean). 

I'd really appreciate it if someone could help me find some articles or forum threads on the matter, especially ones the emphasize the need for aftercare - for both my and his understanding.



That's the first time I've seen two poeple with the same avatar.  Sorry, I have nothing to contribute...thought I was going to have something constructive to add here huh?  Nope ...just fucking with ya...

(in reply to smirkingsheep)
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RE: Mindfuck help. - 7/25/2007 7:42:48 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Here's some help, but really what will work best is talking to him directly, expressing what you feel you need, why you need it and how it will make you react better in the future.  Make it about your feelings and your needs, not his failing.  This is about you two learning to work through things together.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_772983/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#773055
how much is "too much" aftercare?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_725006/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#725011
aftercare, the top side?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_598726/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#599129
aftercare in ltr and casual play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_495421/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#496775
aftercare- when to offer it and how much?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_491455/mpage_1/key_aftercare/tm.htm#492065
aftercare



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(in reply to smirkingsheep)
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RE: Mindfuck help. - 7/25/2007 7:51:21 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smirkingsheep

I was uncertain about whether I should make a new thread for this or not, but I figured it was too off topic for the Mindfuck vs Mindfuck YOU thread, and any other thread regarding mindfucks I could find were too old.

I recently became involve with a dom, and we're both a little inexperienced (although he far less than I).  Right now we're taking a break from on another, because I'm all jittery about trust and such, and he's... attempted to involved mindfucks far too soon - although he doesn't know what a mindfuck is.  (The term, I mean). 

I'd really appreciate it if someone could help me find some articles or forum threads on the matter, especially ones the emphasize the need for aftercare - for both my and his understanding.



As always, LA came through with plenty of threads.  I just wanted to add the same that I have stated on other threads...most recently, the newest one on mindfucks...it takes experience and a willingness to learn to get it right.  It also takes the ability to recognize the difference between a good mindfuck and a bad one.  A good one raises doubts, fears, anxiety, tension BUT in a good way while also evoking all those other good sensations.  A bad one leads to resentment/bad fear/confusion-leading-to-anger.

(in reply to smirkingsheep)
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RE: Mindfuck help. - 7/25/2007 8:26:25 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Everyone has landmines in their heads. There are two approaches to dealing with them: diffuse them slowly or explode them all in one fell swoop. However, if the person mucking around in your head doesn't have a clue about landmines or how to do the above things AND doesn't have your consent to do it...well...perhaps you need more than time away than just taking a break.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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(in reply to smirkingsheep)
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RE: Mindfuck help. - 7/25/2007 10:13:31 AM   
smirkingsheep


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Here's some help, but really what will work best is talking to him directly, expressing what you feel you need, why you need it and how it will make you react better in the future.  Make it about your feelings and your needs, not his failing.  This is about you two learning to work through things together.


A lot of it is me too.  I've been having a really hard time getting what I feel I need out.   Normally it takes me a few days after a scene to decide how I feel about it. Which is terrible, because when I don't understand my feelings I just get frustrated and angry.  I'm just learning about how bad I am at communicating.
I don't think it's his fault.  Most of the things he's tried are things I've speculated about liking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Everyone has landmines in their heads. There are two approaches to dealing with them: diffuse them slowly or explode them all in one fell swoop. However, if the person mucking around in your head doesn't have a clue about landmines or how to do the above things AND doesn't have your consent to do it...well...perhaps you need more than time away than just taking a break.

Master Fire


I don't think either of us really believes this is going to work out.  But we do both need to learn, because we're both going to go on with our lives and look for different relationships.  I don't want to frustrate someone with my lack of ability to communicate, nor do I want him to frustrate someone with his love for mindfucks. 

... I make it seem like I've discussed the learning aspect of things with him.  I have, but only vaguely.  Blargharhg.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Mindfuck help. - 7/25/2007 10:52:08 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		John Warren's book, A Loving Dominant has a chapter on mindfucks.  It's available on Amazon.  The key to anything is education.  The key to education is understanding that just because it's in black and white, doesn't make it black and white. 

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Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to smirkingsheep)
Profile   Post #: 7
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