RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (Full Version)

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coolhandluke450 -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 3:36:56 PM)

Thanks for the continued feedback.  Looks like I've started some confusion on here...  What I’m trying to get a feel for is how spanking is incorporated into far broader ranging BDSM scenes and how subs who like it but are not spankos feel about it.   In the past nearly all of the intensive spanking I’ve done has involved spankos, mainly my fiancé.   Sometimes over 90% of the session would involve strictly spanking.  It was truly more of a fetish thing than a BDSM thing and I almost felt like they should just find an actor from a spanking film (not that i complained, i loved it too)  When I’ve used spanking in BDSM its never been OTK, just a few good smacks usually in the beginning of a session.  I’m trying to “bridge the gap” between the two and incorporate more of one into the other per request.  That was the purpose of my initial line of questioning. 

As for the punishment and humiliation, etc.  Only an abusive/rogue dom would ever do something to a sub that they didn’t want done to them.  I’m certainly not talking about “real” punishment here.   BDSM/spanking is not always done in a playful/caring manner.  If you were roleplaying a husband/wife it might be, but if it was a guard/prisoner thing a different tone would need to be set.  Hence my point that if a dom wants to rub/massage between spanks/strokes they may not may across as “punishment” enough for that particular scenario.  I've never considered spanking "humiliation" per se unless it was in front of a group of people, i have heard subs say it can be humiliating (in a good way, i assumed) 

When you're dealing with spankos you're dealing with wonderful people (who's #s a spanker should have on speed dial!) who seem to like almost any and everything to do with spanking, just in varying degrees.  I want to get an idea of how people who like (but don't live for) spanking think in regards to various aspects of it.  Hope that clears up any confusion.



julietsierra -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 4:24:04 PM)

A petty point, but for some reason, "spankos" strikes me as being rather... insulting.

juliet



AquaticSub -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 4:25:20 PM)

I can't say I've heard of the term either. Maybe it's a play off nympho?



Littlepita -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 4:35:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: coolhandluke450

Only an abusive/rogue dom would ever do something to a sub that they didn’t want done to them. 


My abusive/rogue Daddy says that he will do anything he damn well pleases to his property. [:D]

To answer the questions:

1. I am not allowed to wear panties and find nothing humilating about that delightful little rule of his. 

2. Well you have already clarrified that you meant roleplay by saying punishment. If we are roleplaying that I've been a naughty girl then making me all wet could get me in even more trouble. Hey, I like that idea! 

3.  He doesn't lecture and I'm not very good at math. 

4.  You know, I think he should pull my hair more than he does. What I love is when he is giving me an OTK spankings and he slips a vibe between my legs. Distractions can be so much fun! 

5.  Have you ever been in bondage while OTK?  I don't think we have done this yet, but we will. [;)]



coolhandluke450 -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 5:16:57 PM)

interesting.  I first heard the word "spanko" when it was used by someone to describe themself.  I've always heard it used affectionately.  (not like hear whino used for example) Do other people find this term degrading?  If so, what's a better word to describe someone who's almost addicted to the activity?  (ie nympho)



onegoodgirl -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 5:47:20 PM)

I agree with some of the others.. and would suggest using a term like "Spanko" sparingly if not privately.. it sounds derogatory and greatly distracts from the context. *shrug*

1. Humiliation due to nudity isn't really an issue for me.. but panties down to the thighs, at least to start.. can be fun.

2. Rubbing or massaging between strokes doesn't have to imply softness or tenderness on the [person giving the spanking]'s part.. it can just as easily be considered a signification of possession or power. It all depends on the couple and their relationship and/or the scene they are roleplaying.

3. Whether you're counting strokes or receiving a lecture.. the impact of this still depends on the couple and the scene they are roleplaying. Personally.. the act of counting prevents me from going into sub-space.. which is the primary reason I solicite spankings in the first place.

4. You got me there. Preferably nothing.

5. Yes. Shibari-style with arms/hands tied in back and secured to the upper-body rigging seems to work best, in my opinion.



onegoodgirl -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 5:50:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: coolhandluke450

interesting.  I first heard the word "spanko" when it was used by someone to describe themself.  I've always heard it used affectionately.  (not like hear whino used for example) Do other people find this term degrading?  If so, what's a better word to describe someone who's almost addicted to the activity?  (ie nympho)


Would I be correct to assume that Spanking-Aficionado is too much of a mouthful?  How about "Spank-ee"... as opposed to "Spank-er"?   :)



Jasmyn -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 6:15:40 PM)

The term Spanko's has been around for eons ... Coolhand don't sweat the small stuff ... the term is fine



PghSpanking -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 7:42:13 PM)

Those of us who are primarily or mostly into spanking call ourselves "spankos".  Its a term we use and has been used in the spanking community for years.   Sometimes when BDSMers use it, it does come across as condescending, as they either dont like spanking or they think that spanking "doesnt count" as an activity I guess LOL

Im glad to see so many people here who DO like spanking play, whether it is a stand alone activity or part of a larger, longer scene.  I wonder if many of you have attended any spanking parties in your areas. OR if you have seen many spanking scenes at dungeon parties.   Spanking play is one of the best ways to spend some time LOL



AquaticSub -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/25/2007 9:35:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: coolhandluke450

interesting.  I first heard the word "spanko" when it was used by someone to describe themself.  I've always heard it used affectionately.  (not like hear whino used for example) Do other people find this term degrading?  If so, what's a better word to describe someone who's almost addicted to the activity?  (ie nympho)


Someone in need of treatment and people around them strong enough to tell them no.

Seriously, if they need spankings as much as a nympho needs sex that is what they need. One of my best friends is a confirmed nymphomanic. It's highly overrated.

Just a pet peeve of mine... Now back to your regularly scheduled spanking. [:D]



GhitaAmati -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/26/2007 8:37:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: onegoodgirl

I agree with some of the others.. and would suggest using a term like "Spanko" sparingly if not privately.. it sounds derogatory and greatly distracts from the context. *shrug*

1. Humiliation due to nudity isn't really an issue for me.. but panties down to the thighs, at least to start.. can be fun.

2. Rubbing or massaging between strokes doesn't have to imply softness or tenderness on the [person giving the spanking]'s part.. it can just as easily be considered a signification of possession or power. It all depends on the couple and their relationship and/or the scene they are roleplaying.

3. Whether you're counting strokes or receiving a lecture.. the impact of this still depends on the couple and the scene they are roleplaying. Personally.. the act of counting prevents me from going into sub-space.. which is the primary reason I solicite spankings in the first place.

4. You got me there. Preferably nothing.

5. Yes. Shibari-style with arms/hands tied in back and secured to the upper-body rigging seems to work best, in my opinion.



ditto everything she said.....emphasis on the bolded section



carly2day -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/26/2007 10:12:48 AM)

For me i love to be spanked be it play or punishment.It just hurts a lot more as punishment esp. if She is very angry with me.
1) When my panties are pulled down it signals my brain to let go and relax.It also seeme to hurt more on my bare ass however being spanked while wearing a tight girdle also feels lovely.
2)I would say time between is most enjoyable for me as i love the prolonged attention.When i am being punished 60 or 70 hard ones from Her hair brush does not take very long.
3)While being punished Mistress does all the talking unless She wants me to respond.When we play i always beg Her for more please.
4)Having my head pulled down by my hair or having my nipples pinched are part of our routine.
5)My favorite is being tied to the ottoman and spanked while She watches tv as it may go on for a couple hours.Waiting for the next commercial and more of her attention is so special.
thank you carly  



subsa -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/26/2007 12:02:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: coolhandluke450

Giving spankings has long been a favorite activity of mine, so its natural for me to have a few questions for subs about it.  Its good to "compare notes" so to speak and make sure when I do something for effect it's actually getting that desired effect...  Hopefully this isn't too many questions, but feel free to answer any of them if you don't want to answer all of them.  Thanks for the input in advance......

1.  Its not usual practice, but I always assumed if I let a sub keep a thong/g-string on the entire time while I spanked them it would significantly lower the humiliation aspect for them.  Is this the case, and does this have any other effects?


i prefer them off.  i like the more direct feel, especially if its his hand.  as others have said...spanking isn't about punishment or humiliation for me.  its about pleasure for both of us.

2.  When the dom takes the time in between every couple of smacks/strokes to rub/massage the cheeks does this increase the eroticism of it but lesson the punishment aspect of it?

increases the eroticism and takes nothing away.  as stated before this is not punishment for me.  there is no 'lesson' to be learned.  i like the contrast of the soft stroke and the hard strike.  we often use bunny fur for the stroke as it increases the contrast. 

3.  As for as the communication aspect while delivering the strokes themselves:  Do you prefer a continuing lecture/verbal beration over simply having you "count the strokes?"  (I've always assumed they did)


i hate counting.  now if He wants to count or have someone else count that's great.  i have a hard time remembering what the next number is so i have to stay hyper focused on that and don't get as much pleasure from the scene.  i have been accused of being greedy as i've 'counted' the same number over and over again (21, 21, 21) or actually gone backwards like i was counting down.  it takes just waaaay to much concentration to count (imo)

4.  Other than hair pulling, what are other activities you've enjoyed a dom engaging in with you while you were OTK or in another position typically thought to be exclusive to spanking?

anal play is always good

5.  Have you ever been in bondage while OTK?  If so, which set up worked best?  (handcuffed in front, hands tied behind the back, etc.)  Personally, I've found that tieing the hands being the back can make balance a little bit tricky (not that it can't also make it fun)
otk...only very light bondage...cuffed together in front.  as you said its the balnce thing.  that's why otk is usually only foreplay.  i much prefer a spanking bench if only cause he can hit harder that way. 






luckycharmpoppet -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/26/2007 12:22:03 PM)

quote:


1.  Its not usual practice, but I always assumed if I let a sub keep a thong/g-string on the entire time while I spanked them it would significantly lower the humiliation aspect for them.  Is this the case, and does this have any other effects?


I dont find spanking humiliating to begin with. The only time it ever is is if I am being punished infront of someone else... and then my panties stay on.

quote:

2.  When the dom takes the time in between every couple of smacks/strokes to rub/massage the cheeks does this increase the eroticism of it but lesson the punishment aspect of it?


It definitely increases the eroticism of it. Daddy usually rubs inbetween every 5 smacks or so to keep my nerves calmed. If it's punishment, it's with the cane or oak paddle (I like thud...not sting) and there is no soothing or calming.

quote:

3.  As for as the communication aspect while delivering the strokes themselves:  Do you prefer a continuing lecture/verbal beration over simply having you "count the strokes?"  (I've always assumed they did)


I hate counting or talking period. Daddy makes me count if it's punishment because if it's silent, or near that, I just zone out and get very relaxed and happy.

quote:

4.  Other than hair pulling, what are other activities you've enjoyed a dom engaging in with you while you were OTK or in another position typically thought to be exclusive to spanking?


Hmm... ass play is great. Nothing better then getting a nice spanking with a butt plug in or maybe some breast bondage, too. Oh, and I love clit stimulation during spankings. (I'm greedy. I like a lot.)

quote:

5.  Have you ever been in bondage while OTK?  If so, which set up worked best?  (handcuffed in front, hands tied behind the back, etc.)  Personally, I've found that tieing the hands being the back can make balance a little bit tricky (not that it can't also make it fun)


Oh, yes! I've been tied spread eagle to the bed, and tied length wise to the bed, breast bondage, and all sorts of yummy things!



Vampyrefledgling -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/26/2007 1:43:19 PM)

1. No, this is not the case. In fact, I believe it to be the other way around. Maintaining any layer of clothing (granted, even a thong), in my mind at least, almost takes the sexual aspect out of it. I know that not all spanking necessarily takes place before (or after, or during, whatever) sex, but it just seems that being clothed in any way would seem to infer that it definitely wasn't going to follow. As for the humiliation aspect, it would make me feel more like a child and increase the level of humiliation.

2. Yes, the massaging and or rubbing between strokes does increase the eroticism, but slightly lessen the punishment. Unless, with each strike you increase your force, which would keep the sub more nervous about each spank. Of course, you must keep your strength in check, but her tension level would rise significantly as she realized you were hitting her harder after each massage.

3. Personally, I prefer a lecture/verbal beration. I can count in my sleep, I've been doing it since I was, what, four or five? If you are lecturing, berating and forcing the sub to answering questions while spanking her, she cannot 'tune out,' she must be there, with you. You can make her apologize or pretty much whatever you want her to do, you are in control after all! You can combine the two, of course! That way, you both are actively involved.

4. Biting my neck or my shoulders. Especially my neck. I've never done it, but running ice (or something else cold) down my back.

5. I have not been in bondage while OTK. Perhaps try hands tied above the head? Or tied to the waist (you would have to go around the waist too, of course, but I think you catch my meaning).

~Fledgling



PrincessEllie -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/27/2007 5:33:23 PM)

1.  Its not usual practice, but I always assumed if I let a sub keep a thong/g-string on the entire time while I spanked them it would significantly lower the humiliation aspect for them.  Is this the case, and does this have any other effects?

-I would have to agree with you on this point. Being completely bare-assed makes an already embarassing (and completely hot) situation much more humiliating and 10x hotter. The only time I'd be all for underwear while spanking would be if I was on my monthlies.

2.  When the dom takes the time in between every couple of smacks/strokes to rub/massage the cheeks does this increase the eroticism of it but lesson the punishment aspect of it?

-Hm... Well, I'd say if this was a punishment spanking to forgo the caressing entirely, just because you couldn't really wail on someone if you paused in between strokes. Now if this was a fetish thing, you can't go wrong with groping ass in the middle of the spanking. Firstly, it wakes the flesh there to the sensation and puts the sub off their guard.

3.  As for as the communication aspect while delivering the strokes themselves:  Do you prefer a continuing lecture/verbal beration over simply having you "count the strokes?" 

-For punishment, I would prefer the lecture be delivered and enforced during the spanking. But for general spanking play counting the strokes is fine.

4.  Other than hair pulling, what are other activities you've enjoyed a dom engaging in with you while you were OTK or in another position typically thought to be exclusive to spanking?

-I'd never have called it 'enjoying' what he did to me, but I wont lie and say I didn't find it amusing. I had a boy who liked to pinch my butt and tickle my damned toes while in the middle of OTK. I'm very ticklish, so it drove me crazy.

5.  Have you ever been in bondage while OTK?  If so, which set up worked best?

-I'm not a major fan of bondage and otk at the same time, but I've found that being bound with your legs tied together and left straight works well and doesn't make it hard to reach your ass while also giving the bound feeling. Arms tied wrist to elbow works the same way.



sirsprincess -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/28/2007 2:15:07 AM)

I've got a few different angles on the spanking issue.  My husband spanks me for punishment.  I discovered my "kink" about a year ago and so he does what he can to satisfy that and in turn, I have started to be not so bossy towards him and he can get out his frustrations on my behind.  So for that:

1.  he always has me pull down my panties and it makes me feel more vulnerable, more embarrassed that I've gotten myself into this situation and it makes me more submissive to him as he's fully clothed during all of this.

2.  he does rub my bottom from time to time, I think just because I've lost a lot of weight and he likes my ass.  I, on the other hand, would rather he didn't.  Not that I like the pain, although maybe I do? - but I need that sting as a reminder to be a good girl.

3.  he will lecture me during sometimes and ask me questions, mostly just Yes Sir respones, but sometimes more and I hate that.  Because I have to concentrate to not move and so I bite my pillow and just keep thinking, sometimes I even say this quietly to myself, "be still" and when he talks and I am made to answer, it breaks my concentration and then it seems to hurt more.

4.  my husband has pulled my hair on occasion.  but mostly he controls me by pulling on my nipples.  He'll strap for awhile and then will tell me to get up and while I'm kneeling before him, he'll pinch my nipples HARD (ok, I like nipple pinching, but this is not erotic, it's like he's pulling them out" and he'll scold me while he's doing that.  He's pulled me from a kneeling position to standing by using my nipples.  I do like my hair pulled though, would much rather have that.

5.  as far as bondage, he's only tied me a few times.  I sleep with my hands restrained in zip ties and so in the morning, I pull one out and so the 2 links are dangling from my one wrist until I shower later in the morning.  the other day I was being punished in the morning, still had my robe on and he told me to put my hand back through (I can twist them around to get them off without cutting them off, it's not easy to do though).  So my hands were restrained the other day, I was still able to hold my pillow, but it stopped me from reaching back so that was a good thing.

ok, now for a while there late this last summer, I worked with a disciplinarian online and we met for a punishment session in a hotel.  My husband knew of this, I was being punished for things I had said/done to my mentor and also to my husband.  This whole session was unnerving and very very severe.  I had broken blood vessels on my back side that lasted 2 weeks, there wasn't one inch of my bottom that wasn't black and blue and green and also there was some bleeding from breaking the skin.  He went longer then he should have because I was numb basically and told him I needed more, well that was because I wasn't feeling it!  Anyway, regarding this mentor:

1.  had to strip, completely.  that was hard to do with someone that I had only just met in person about 1 hour before, but we did talk on the phone extensively for about 1 1/2 months.  again, made me feel submissive compared to him, he was totally dressed.

2.  this disciplinarian did take much time rubbing my bottom, but it was not sexual.  He was 23 years my junior and there was no romantic feelings between us.  He was actually very good, just not very available so that is why we ended things.  But he assured my husband there would be no sex and there wasn't.  I did not ask during, basically because I would ahve gotten it worse for asking, but I think he was rubbing my bottom to check for cuts etc while he worked on me.  I took a good hour of severe beating with a hair brush and his hand and a loopy johnny, he was exhausted too.

3.  he did not have me count the strokes.  i did have to answer questions and again, hated that because if I was trying to get into my mindset and then had to come up to answer a question and answered it sarcastically because I really didn't want to be bothered, I would get it more.

4.  he pulled me by my ear.  to go from cornertime, to the sink to have my mouthwashed with soap, to the bed or couch for my spankings, he would pull me by the ear.

5.  he did not tie me, but he did say that the next time (there wasn't a next time), he would restrain me as I fought him much of the time when it got to be too much.

now for a twist, I still get spanked by hubby but now I'm working with an online Dom that I have met and hope to have regular sessions with in the future.  My husband knows of this man and is fine with it, he's not vanilla himself, and so all this will be done with his permission.  In any case, my Dom is only into spanking or pain for role playing.  He instead withholds pleasure if I'm bad, instead of inflicting pain.  I am not allowed to touch myself or cum unless given permission and for me, that constant control and arousal helps me more than any spanking did before.  I thought I needed it but for me, I needed the control and the caring of a Dom, not the pain.  Now with my husband it does help because he's not as dominant as my Dom and so the spanking's he gives me bring me down to where I respect him and am submissive to him.  very complicated.  If you saw me, I'm a regular Mom that drives a mini-van. 



Kittykitkat19 -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/28/2007 12:47:01 PM)

1. Its not usual practice, but I always assumed if I let a sub keep a thong/g-string on the entire time while I spanked them it would significantly lower the humiliation aspect for them. Is this the case, and does this have any other effects?

I myself don't find spanking it to be humiliating so i can't answer that.

2. When the dom takes the time in between every couple of smacks/strokes to rub/massage the cheeks does this increase the eroticism of it but lesson the punishment aspect of it?

I find it to be most enjoyable to have a rub after a few swift strikes as the other ladies says it alows for the nerves to have a break so the pain is a constant, plus the rub for me is a sign of charishment either for me or for the act of spanking me.

3. As for as the communication aspect while delivering the strokes themselves: Do you prefer a continuing lecture/verbal beration over simply having you "count the strokes?" (I've always assumed they did)

I don't like counting for me it has no signifcance sense I enjoy spanking, I like being talked to while being spanked communication is good

4. Other than hair pulling, what are other activities you've enjoyed a dom engaging in with you while you were OTK or in another position typically thought to be exclusive to spanking?
Biteing is always enjoyable

5. Have you ever been in bondage while OTK? If so, which set up worked best? (handcuffed in front, hands tied behind the back, etc.) Personally, I've found that tieing the hands being the back can make balance a little bit tricky (not that it can't also make it fun)

I wouldn't know in this case but I always like being tied in frount it alows from more versitily



maryelena -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (7/29/2007 9:00:50 PM)

He almost always spanks me with my panties off, but the I recall at least once when panties were down to ankles and that increases erotic element to me.

Being stroked between spankings does help me in several ways - I can endure more and I feel his affection and comfort. 

Have never counted during spanking. His spanks are both for fun, and discipline.

It is always delightful to feel a finger inside me during spanking.

Can't recall being otk and bound, but as I like being bound I bet it would enhance the pleasure, and I do not always get pleasure from spankings. 



cattus69tabernus -> RE: 5 spanking questions for all subs out there (8/6/2007 9:04:52 AM)

1.  It varies from person to person. For me being fully naked will be more shameful, since I am very shy about such things. Though without any panties, he can get access down there at any time, so it becomes even more erotic. Usually when he spanks me, Im with a g-string, but he likes to explore at times how wet I am.

2.  It does increase the eroticism, doesnt lesson the punishment. When he rubs me, my skin relaxes, so it gets as sensitive as before the spanking.

3.  Sometimes he tells me to count the strokes, but only if Ive done something really bad, because he knows that the pain becomes far more intensive for me, when I concentrate a lot. Usually I leave myself float on the feeling.

4.  A finger or two inside at times, sometimes a kiss or two on the butt cheeks [&:]

5.  Ive been tied up. With my hands behind my back, or infront of me. I dont feel less balanced when they are on my back, maybe because Im used to it. If Im not tied up and he want to spank me, if I forget, he always reminds me to put my hands in my back (like in boxtie) but without the ropes.



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