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How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 10:20:41 AM

MissL80

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

Hello,
This is My first post. I want to know, how many of You have people ask if You are Pro? I am not. It seems that the majority (oh I know this may start something, not intended to though) of email I get on here asks what I expect as far as a tribute goes. I am saddened by the fact that sub/slaves have been programmed by so many money hungry "Whatevers" out there that they feel it is necessary. I am kinky by nature. I am not here to just suck a person's bank account dry. I am in this for the LTR, non romantice, no sex. Am I expecting too much form here?
Miss Lilith

< Message edited by MissL80 -- 7/25/2007 10:22:22 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 11:16:53 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think you used an interesting word -- "'programmed".

I think when someone is starting off exploring they often turn to pornography and there part of the goal is to make money. So I can see that there might develop a connection between money and kink in the person's mind. If they then used professional services for any further introduction that might make the connection stronger.

You aren't alone.

Fox had this initial path and when we made arrangements to do a trial scene he asked what tribute I wanted (his previous dom was a pro). I was first offended but I caught myself and asked him why we was asking me that. This got a good dialog going.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 2

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 11:34:20 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

TJ...you never cease to amaze me. You ROCK!

Beverly

_____________________________

Click here for GREAT discussion on living this real-time.

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(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 3

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 11:36:48 AM

subiugo

Posts: 45
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

As You probably know a lot is going on on bdsm-forums about 'paying tribute' to Superior Ladies by men who seek submission. Even some 'non pro' Ladies are asking a tribute. For those Ladies it seems to be a very efficient means to sort out the through slaves from the wannabees. So i don't think every Lady who is asking a tribute is a pro, and not every Lady (pro or non-pro) who asks a tribute want to suck their slave's bankaccount...

Probably i am sounding a little harsh on this subject, and by no means i want to offend the Superior Lady You surely are. But there is so much misunderstanding in the community about the subject of 'tributes' that is good to discuss it overtly.

In Your profile i have read about Your training. Can You tell me a little bit more about it? This is one of my other favourite subjects. As a slave i know the importance of training. But it is good to know about training for Dominant Ladies too.

And maybe that is one of the reasons why it is hard to find a slave. As not many submissive males have gone to proper training, they don't know who to approach a Lady properly. For me Your profile is very clear. You don't mention tributes, so if i should address You, it is improper to mention the subject. But maybe for some others You need to be more explicit yet. And as You know, it takes time to be trained. And yes, it takes time also to find a suitable submissive. They are not ripe apples that fall in Your lap.

May i recommend You the Women only section of Goddessclub.com for more discussion about the subjects You are interested in?

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 4

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 11:45:26 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Your profile, when I read it, sounds like a professional profile. Even though you don't specifically mention that. You sound like you are selling your wares... *elite* for example.

I might suggest you relax a bit and actually talk about you as a person or simply put at the end "I am not a pro domme, just a snob". Sorry...but that's what is sounds like when I read it.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to subiugo)

Post #: 5

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 11:58:05 AM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Welcome MissL, your profile is to the point and specific.
I like that.
I have been on this site for over 3 years now.
To clear up confusion, I state that "I have a professional job/career and I am
able to support myself, WELL.
That tends to clear up confusion, many here are either not that bright, many are typing with 1 hand, not
really reading and some lack reading comprehension skills.
**Also, many are just looking at your cute face**
Spell it out for them.
Good luck ducky.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/25/2007 12:01:15 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 6

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 12:02:44 PM

rob425

Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

Your profile, when I read it, sounds like a professional profile. Even though you don't specifically mention that. You sound like you are selling your wares... *elite* for example.

I might suggest you relax a bit and actually talk about you as a person or simply put at the end "I am not a pro domme, just a snob". Sorry...but that's what is sounds like when I read it.

Agreed, it does look very professional.

Also no where does it mention that you are looking for a long term relationshi with a submissive. And Just plainly put it out there you are not a professional and you are looking for a LTR

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 7

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 1:54:12 PM

HerCuriouslave

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline

wrong profile

< Message edited by HerCuriouslave -- 7/25/2007 1:56:05 PM >

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 8

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 2:00:45 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

The beginning of your profile about a "drug screen and background check of my choice done at your expense" is likely what leads boys to think you are a pro. Right from the start it will cost them money.

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In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 9

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 2:49:13 PM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

I have done background checks on many of my subs at no cost to me or them. I'm with her when it comes to background checks. It's not a bad idea.
A very good friend of mine is a police officer.

Diane

< Message edited by DianeB269 -- 7/25/2007 2:50:15 PM >

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 10

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 3:31:47 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hi there,

Quick and easy answer; put in bold letters at the top of your profile "Lifestyle Dominant seeking personal slave. Looking for a slave, not a client. Do not offer to pay for my services."

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to DianeB269)

Post #: 11

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 4:29:44 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Nope, other people like non-romantic, non-sexual, not-professional BDSM relationships. I do! If it's bugging you, put a line in your profile saying that you don't do BDSM professionally. You might try to think of it as a compliment--people are willing to pay good money for your kinky talent!

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 12

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 5:19:08 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Lilith,

You are looking for a lifestyle relationship with a submissive where there is no sex involved. I see nothing wrong with this. The problem is that you offer very little about yourself, show distrust for those who might write to you, and (effectively) ask for money (through your screening process). Red. Red. Red. Three red flags in a row. And then you go on to mention that you are training as a "Euro Dominant" and describe yourself as "rare" and "elite". Three more red flags. Honestly, as a submissive, your specific school of training isn't particularly important to me. What I care about is what you are like as a person. Therefore, I suggest as follows:

- Erase your profile text and start over.
- Describe yourself (both in terms of vanilla and BDSM likes).
- Discuss clearly what you are looking for in a submissive.
- Show your creativity, kindness, and sense of humor.
- Let respondents know what you expect in their replies.
- Leave out discussions of drug use and your training as a Euro Dominant.
- Keep the tone positive.

Once you're in discussion with a submissive, ask more personal questions and discuss the specifics of your style at that point. I see what you're trying to do in terms of filtering, but the problem is that you are guilty by association. For example, mentioning drug tests immediately associates you with drugs. Thus, I suggest keeping your profile positive and doing more specific screening once you've struck up an actual conversation. And even then, I'd try to keep the tone positive! :-)

Stephann (and others) also gave excellent advice. Writing words to the effect of "lifestyle dominant seeking personal slave; looking for a slave, not a client; do not offer to pay for my services" will probably clear up quite a bit of the problem too.

By the way, welcome to the message boards and good luck, :-)

Elan.

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 13

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 7:07:47 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

The beginning of your profile about a "drug screen and background check of my choice done at your expense" is likely what leads boys to think you are a pro. Right from the start it will cost them money.

I disagree completely. A drug screen and background check don't provide financial benefit to her. They're merely safety precautions.

The words "tribute", "generous" (applied to subs being sought), "financial domination", and similar words and phrases are what make a profile appear to be that of a pro domme.

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 14

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 7:12:46 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Drug screen and background check=smart woman, anyone that would resist
these measures is not someone must people would want to become involved with.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 15

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 8:17:06 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

hardbodysub and MzMia,

I hear what you're saying about the drug screen and background checks, but you've both somewhat missed the point. This is the *first* thing in the Lilith's profile! Oh, and in the same sentence Lilith also says that prospective submissives will have to pay for these checks too. So the very first words question whether potential partners are drug addicts and criminals, and say that potential partners must have these checks done at their own expense. Gee. That's inviting. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic.) Actually, this is kind of creepy. Or to put this another way, I find this a complete and total turn-off. It has nothing to do with whether Lilith is a sensible woman or not. The timing and placement of these questions are poorly judged. I personally don't think these kinds of questions belong in a profile. Telling potential submissives that you don't trust them isn't endearing. Sure, if these questions are important to the Lilith, she can bring these up later in conversation. As it is, the questions seemingly must turn a lot of good submissives away and at the same time, oddly, they probably attract exactly the type of submissive that Lilith is not interested in. Case in point, this thread and the topic at hand.

Elan.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 16

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 8:26:27 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Lilith,

Sorry about all the broken up bits of information in my replies. I would have edited my original post to include everything, but Collar Me doesn't allow editing posts after they have been posted for a while . Here's one final suggestion for your profile:

- Keep your picture as is. In my opinion, you look fantastic in this picture.

Elan.

(in reply to MissL80)

Post #: 17

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 9:16:33 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

hardbodysub and MzMia,

I hear what you're saying about the drug screen and background checks, but you've both somewhat missed the point. This is the *first* thing in the Lilith's profile! Oh, and in the same sentence Lilith also says that prospective submissives will have to pay for these checks too. So the very first words question whether potential partners are drug addicts and criminals, and say that potential partners must have these checks done at their own expense. Gee. That's inviting. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic.) Actually, this is kind of creepy. Or to put this another way, I find this a complete and total turn-off. It has nothing to do with whether Lilith is a sensible woman or not. The timing and placement of these questions are poorly judged. I personally don't think these kinds of questions belong in a profile. Telling potential submissives that you don't trust them isn't endearing. Sure, if these questions are important to the Lilith, she can bring these up later in conversation. As it is, the questions seemingly must turn a lot of good submissives away and at the same time, oddly, they probably attract exactly the type of submissive that Lilith is not interested in. Case in point, this thread and the topic at hand.

Elan.

No, I didn't miss your point at all. I'm simply saying that it's not relevant to the original post. The placement of the STD testing and background check comments are not germaine to the issue at hand, because those comments are not at all suggestive of her being a pro. She's not asking how to attract more subs, but only how to get them to understand she's not a pro.

The obvious answer is "Tell them you're not a pro!"

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 7/25/2007 9:25:00 PM >

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 18

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 9:18:10 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

<<--what hardbodysub said.
IF those conditions are important to her, she has a right to state it.

**muttering to self, nice hardbody

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 19

RE: How to get them to understand I am not a PRO!! - 7/25/2007 9:57:02 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

quote:

MzMia: <<--what hardbodysub said.

IF those conditions are important to her, she has a right to state it.

**muttering to self, nice hardbody

*** mutters to self that Mia and hardbodysub still don't get it.

Yes, I agree that anyone can (and should) put whatever they want in their profile. However, if one writes stuff that is a turn-off or that attracts incompatible partners, that's what you get! The drug/background check and payment issue is pivotal because this is misleading submissives and thus bringing in those who have (to use the OP's words) been programmed. And sure, by all means the OP should tell people she is not a professional, but a better approach is to tell submissives what she is looking for in a person and in a relationship. This would solve the problem entirely. (Okay. Yes. Misguided subs will still slip through because some reply without reading the profiles they are responding to. There isn't much anyone can do about this.)

Elan.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 20

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