Was it something I did?

Was it something I did? (Full Version)

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submissiveness -> Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 2:19:37 PM)
I was in a relationship, Was, I'm now seperated, things didn't work out for some reason. I'd like the opinons of anyone really, I'm simply trying to figure myself out. The relationship started online, we discussed our likes dislikes, etc, etc. We laughed and joked around. It seemed like we hit off immediately. After a few weeks we started talking on the phone, several times a day! We again discussed our likes and dislikes, in and out of the lifestyle.. After a few months of talking and chatting we met. We went to dinner a few times, did things together and again discussed everything. When we started THE relationship, everything we discussed seem to disappear. Not one thing we had talked about ever happened. The lifestyle thing was only something he played with online with other women. He never wanted to do any of it with me. When I asked him why, he said, he couldn't believe I wanted him to do lifestyle things with me. He went on to say that he has no respect for a women that would allow that kind of stuff to go on. I was at a loss for words, I mean he placed ads on the internet searching for a slave/sub. In his own words a SPECIAL kind of women to love and cherish as his own. I'm completely at a loss here. Is there something wrong with me? He acted as if I was some awful person, I tried to explain to him that I was offering him a gift. He laughed at me. Can someone tell me what was going on? I don't know what happened. It all turned so ugly. Help

earthycouple -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 2:23:50 PM)
um..sorry, uh, Hun....but this contradicts your other post...sounds like you are feeding your need to be placated or this is how you wank off....

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 2:28:06 PM)
Agreed. You're doing the typical "What did I do wrong?" deal. It's not about that. Stop wallowing in the pain publicly.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 2:42:22 PM)
Frankly, if you came to me saying your submission was a gift I'd laugh at you too. I agree with LA and EC, get over it already and stop being such an attention whore.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 4:26:20 PM)
Is this the dom #2 you were speaking about in the other thread you had started?....if so, then your answers are over there in THAT thread...why start another?...I don't get it.

Stephann -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 6:17:27 PM)
Hi, Regardless of the OP's issues or not, there's definately a pattern for men and women who become serial online daters. For them, the focus is to indulge in ideas, feelings, activities, etc that they aren't prepared to live in their real lives, yet, feel drawn to in their fantasy lives. It's on par with a chat addiction; before the internet, pen-pals would fill this void. It's hard to tell if someone is like this; they naturally get good at saying the right things, at the right times, to further the online relationship. False photos are often exchanged, and it's not too common that they actually meet in real time; yet talking on the phone for hours about 'everything' is usually part of it. Good luck, Stephan

LadyHeart -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 7:24:26 PM)
WHY DID THEY GO POOF? Time and again I encounter people hurt and mystified by the sudden disappearance of a person they’ve been talking to on line. Often (but not always) it occurs just as they are about to meet for the first time. Why does it happen? The explanation is generally this. The other party has backed themselves into a corner they can’t get out of, and they feel their only option is to pull back. This can happen for one of two reasons. The first is that they are really fantasizing. They think they “might” follow through, but when it comes to the crunch they just can’t. So they “poof” without any real idea of the hurt they cause. Because it was never entirely real for them, they have little understanding of where they leave the other person. The other reason is that they have “exaggerated” (i.e. lied) right from the outset. They have said they are younger, slimmer, more attractive, more experienced, more free, more (fill in the blanks) than they really are, and now they can’t get out of it. Faced with the exposure of their untruthfulness, again, they go “poof.” They are too embarrassed to explain. There are a few people who do it for reasons of power and control, but the majority of those who let us down are simply sad souls whose walk doesn’t match their talk. The hardest thing is accepting that you’ll never get a real explanation of what went wrong. Don’t take it to heart – it was never about you. And don’t kick yourself for being fooled – it happens to us all. Move on, having learned from it. :)) LH

MissSCD -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 8:02:35 PM)
No hun. You did nothing wrong other than chat with him. Some people are better voyagers than they are in real time. He probably froze up when it came to the real thing. Be glad it is over, and move on. Wish you the best. Regards, MissSCD

submissiveness -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/25/2007 8:09:39 PM)
Thank you! It was very difficult for me to figure out. All the conversations we had about the lifestyle, he seemed so real and so confident. I am moving on, I was simply wondering if anyone else had run into this. Possibly some other Dom's here had gotten cold feet or whatever it is that causes you not to try the lifestyle. Thank you again...

leatherette -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/26/2007 10:43:19 AM)
submissiveness I've never had any one go "poof" but I did once date a man who was uncomfortable with his dominant sexuality. He felt guilty about it. He was taught to respect women and felt BDSM was out of line with his core beliefs. He was indoctrinated to believe women who were sexual were whores. Worst thing for him: he needed D/s so bad that he was impotent without it ( or with a plain vanilla girl) -he needed the kink to perform. Sad. Nice guy too. Didn't go "poof" - although there were spaces in between and a real relationship never got off the ground. I respect him, though. He had the guts to tell me all this face to face. A solid man - just not where he needed to be.

Azurenee -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/27/2007 4:08:11 PM)
quote: WHY DID THEY GO POOF? Time and again I encounter people hurt and mystified by the sudden disappearance of a person they’ve been talking to on line. Often (but not always) it occurs just as they are about to meet for the first time. Why does it happen? The explanation is generally this. The other party has backed themselves into a corner they can’t get out of, and they feel their only option is to pull back. This can happen for one of two reasons. The first is that they are really fantasizing. They think they “might” follow through, but when it comes to the crunch they just can’t. So they “poof” without any real idea of the hurt they cause. Because it was never entirely real for them, they have little understanding of where they leave the other person. The other reason is that they have “exaggerated” (i.e. lied) right from the outset. They have said they are younger, slimmer, more attractive, more experienced, more free, more (fill in the blanks) than they really are, and now they can’t get out of it. Faced with the exposure of their untruthfulness, again, they go “poof.” They are too embarrassed to explain. There are a few people who do it for reasons of power and control, but the majority of those who let us down are simply sad souls whose walk doesn’t match their talk. The hardest thing is accepting that you’ll never get a real explanation of what went wrong. Don’t take it to heart – it was never about you. And don’t kick yourself for being fooled – it happens to us all. Move on, having learned from it. :)) LH I cannot say enough how grateful I am to hear all this. Thank you. ~a~

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/28/2007 7:43:45 AM)
WTF????? this was some twisted game he was playing Dugh! Don't play if you can pay up in the end. I'd toss him into the fire pit along with the other fakes, game players and phony's..

SexyRed -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/28/2007 7:54:11 AM)
Most likely, it is nothing you did. Some people go poof whether it has been only online and even worse, after you actually met and engaged in "things" with them, as you did. I don't care if someone wants to end a relationship that just started, there are all legitimate reasons for that. But what makes me want to slap the shit out of someone (and here I am, a sub who does not slap anyone) is when that person who "poofs" has no guts, no balls, no heart, no soul, nothing that would define them as a person, to tell you WHY he wants to end it. So, in this case, even it is something YOU did or did not do, it is THEM for not being able to step up and give you closure of any kind. I like to think that Karma will eventually bite them in the balls.

whipingherfeet -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/28/2007 8:14:38 AM)
not at all he was a jerk

beargonewild -> RE: Was it something I did? (7/28/2007 9:00:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissiveness Thank you! It was very difficult for me to figure out. All the conversations we had about the lifestyle, he seemed so real and so confident. I am moving on, I was simply wondering if anyone else had run into this. Possibly some other Dom's here had gotten cold feet or whatever it is that causes you not to try the lifestyle. Thank you again... The fact of the matter is we all have or will come across people who suddenly poof for no apparent reason. I liken it to meeting someone for the first time on a date and they don't bother showing up or calling to say they can't make it, for whatever the reason. This is fact of life found in every "lifestyle," whether it's vanilla, the leather community, BDSM, swingers, etc. Best thing is to develop a thicker skin and figure that it's their loss not yours.

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