RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (Full Version)

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TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/28/2007 11:49:12 AM)

Well I am ashamed to say that I could not go back to "vanilla"..simply because my personalaity is strong enough that with most vanilla males,I tend to run over like a bulldozer..believe me when I say I do not want to be a bulldozer..but in most cases vanilla males seem to not want to step up to the plate, to take charge, to accept any responsibility..actually, strangely enough, in my estimation most "vanilla" males would probably make excellent submissives!....Tempting



maryelena -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/28/2007 12:36:23 PM)

Thank you again to everyone who responded.
After attending my first club with my Dom, it just seemed as though so many other potential doors opened up for experimenting in both a physical and mental way. So I have been mulling these possibilities over. Oddly for me it seems like going to a club together was a very intimate thing to do.   
   



Lillith1 -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/28/2007 9:40:38 PM)

If you find you enjoy BDSM and the accompanying lifestyle, go for it, jump in headfirst! you may find that the "complicated and private" issues preventing you from participating in the lifestyle long term resolve themselves. you may be someone who returns to the vanilla lifestyle easily after your BDSM experiences or not. It varies by individual. But the point is that you should be enjoying your life, making the most of it, and exploring the things you want to explore. you don't want to look back and regret not pursuing what could be a passionate and life-changing experience for you. Generally, people regret the things they didn't do more than the things they did do. Good luck on your journey.

~ puppet  



angelic -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/28/2007 10:03:00 PM)

Interesting thread.  Every Master/Dom i have ever had a r/l relationship with, i met on  'nilla sites.  i know this does not really relate to the thread, but that is what i thought of.  Interestingly enough i have talked to several from here, but haven't met one.  (i.e. i have better luck finding Masters/Doms on vanilla sites) [8D]



kossack -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/29/2007 7:01:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Interesting thread.  Every Master/Dom i have ever had a r/l relationship with, i met on  'nilla sites.  i know this does not really relate to the thread, but that is what i thought of.  Interestingly enough i have talked to several from here, but haven't met one.  (i.e. i have better luck finding Masters/Doms on vanilla sites) [8D]


Do you drop hints?  Mention Anne Rice--or can you just smell kink through a seemingly vanilla ad?  Do you introduce the issue or does he?

Thank you!



daddysliloneds -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/29/2007 9:17:05 AM)

i don't do vanilla because it doesn't even come close to touching on my needs, so no, i personally wouldn't go back...

as far as being content with one man/dom, even while playing with others with his approval, hell yes i can, because there's nothing better to me than knowing and finding my way home!



sweetNsmartBBW -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 7:59:47 AM)

I went back to 'nilla after finally taking the plunge into lifestyle dating after my marriage ended.  Unfortunately, I did not find the types of situations where I was making a connection beyond the physical with the Dom's I was meeting.  That, coupled with the fact that I had a child and could never see the types of Dominant Men that I was running across being the white picket fence, minivan, etc type- I scared myself back into the vanilla dating world.  That said- it was a ~very~ bad call on my part.  Ended up entangled in the life of a decent vanilla gent who fell in love with me; while I on the other hand was miserably unfulfilled and unhappy- and not just with the sex.  There is just an intimacy and a dynamic to a D/s relationship that I need and that can't be found elsewhere- no matter how much I try to make it work or how much of myself I try to sacrifice for it to happen.  For me, I'd be better off alone; at least as an uncollared submissive, I'm being true to myself.         



maryelena -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 8:59:29 AM)

[There is just an intimacy and a dynamic to a D/s relationship that I need and that can't be found elsewhere- ]

Yes sweetandsmart, there does seem to be a deeper intimacy in this, and it draws me in as well as scares me away. I think I fear gettting accustomed to this, and the crush of when it ends. 

[my personalaity is strong enough that with most vanilla males,I tend to run over like a bulldozer..quote]

This is probably true for me as well, and it is so refreshing to have something totally different-makes me feel much more feminine!  

It is probably that a deliberate extended period of celibacy prior to this realtionship, and  40 something sexuality has made it very exciting, plus he is handsome, exciting and creative. I think I am in deep trouble. [:)]

I know a part of me wanted to see if I could be sexual and sexy again as I feared what might happen whenever menopause arrives. I feared the desires might disappear, so some of my exploring actually is based on fear, but resulting in immense pleasure and satisfaction along with the previously mentioned fear of pain from the eventual ending of the realtionship.

It will simply be lived out day by day as I see where my fear vs willingness and pleasure seeking leads me.
   



atendersoul -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 9:02:02 AM)

suppose that would count on how vanilla one was before discovering this Lifestyle and the extent they go to be involved within it.
I noticed that there are many what is termed "weekend warriors" that combine this type of play only for the weekends and on the other hand, you have some that has this path as a Life.
Having never been vanilla, I can not offer that point of view. But after His death in 2000, I found myself having to deal with this way for the next seven years until He found me.
I can tell you that not being actively involved for seven years in the Lifestyle, saw enough to make me return to the embraces of this Way.



katie978 -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 4:45:11 PM)

 I imagine the choice to return to vanilla is a personal one. For me, I left a long-term vanilla relationship because I couldn't be happy like that. However, if you feel unconfortable in the lifestyle, maybe returning to a vanilla one would be a good choice for you.



thelunabird -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 4:53:05 PM)

I believe it is absolutly impossible to e satisfied in a vanilla relationship. BDSM is a lifestyle and something that is a turn on. unless you are willing to be completely unsatisfied sexualy then your relatioship will work. But i believe that a relationship is based on an emotional connect and phyical one. You cannot have one with out the other. If you are not satisfied sexually in a relationship then it will not work out.

luna(tic?)



BitaTruble -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 5:13:46 PM)

I admit to not having a whole lot of experience with vanilla relationships and the idea of vanilla leaves me cold, but hey, more power (or lack thereof) to those who can. It just ain't the way my froggy jumps. [8D]

Celeste



littlesarbonn -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 5:26:13 PM)

This is kind of funny because I'm at a point in my life where I'm thinking that what I'm seeking in someone might be found in the vanilla realm, but I've never explored the vanilla realm before. ALL of my relationships have been femdom relationships, and they've almost always been pretty extreme, although that has varied from time to time. To be honest, I'm not even sure how to go about exploring a vanilla relationship.



Celeste43 -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 7:19:19 PM)

If your definition of kinky is public play and non monogamous, then I guess I'm not kinky. We don't go to munches, we play alone only and we don't play with others. He's said that even if I wanted to try something he doesn't know how to do, I don't get to go to a workshop and ask for it to be done to me. If he isn't opposed to the activity then he would learn how and I would wait until he felt sufficiently competent to have it done. If he is opposed to the activity, then I don't get to experience it.

I love bondage, I adore rope and pallet wrap. But I could live quite easily without any toys as long as he is the leader in the relationship.



Laure -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (7/30/2007 11:26:44 PM)

We were in a poly relationship and I was fortunate enough to enjoy 2 Doms.  One of them left me a little over 2 months ago for a vanilla monogamous woman.  *shrug*  As another person said, anything you can imagine people doing, there are people doing that very thing.



softness -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (8/1/2007 4:15:54 PM)

well the last year i have been in a vanilla relationship with a woman ... i had to give up play for a while and made the decision that i wasn't going to deny myself affection and intimacy just because i couldn't play.

vanilla is what vanilla is ... depending on what your personal kinks are you may or may not be satisfied by a vanilla relationship. From  sexual perspective I have been perfectly satisfied with my vanilla sex life - ok so sometimes I craved to be beaten black and blue or feel tightly bound and helpless ... but those things passed quite easily because i was having a great vanilla sexlife (it ain't all missionary once a week with the lights off) The other bits were harder to replace ... the feeling of being in service or of being submissive were harder but i was able to get a close enough approximation to feel satisfied.

I made it work for me, and found a perfectly satisfying vanilla relationship after  five years in the lifestyle, because i was determined and because i saw no reason *not* to be fulfilled and because the "deal breakers" of my happiness are not things found exclusively in the BDSM lifestyle



pleasureforck -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (8/2/2007 3:34:50 PM)

I don't know what I would do if my relationship ended. I was in a vanilla marriage for 18 years and never knew what I was missing until I met my SO. He has changed my life but the relationship is what it is with him. With anyone else I have no idea what I would do. I don't know if I could trust another man with my life as I do him.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (8/2/2007 4:04:05 PM)

i'm a submissive whether i'm nilla or not. i don't see any difference between the two worlds when it comes to relationships with a lifestyler or nilla.  even sex with a lifestyler can be uninspiring.



Lydiacapecod -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (8/5/2007 2:03:20 PM)

I must be colorblind. When people ask me what brought me to "kink" I think "what kink?" You mean because I like nipple torture, being peed on and spanked really hard? That isn't kink hon, that's just how I am.
 
I didnt find a web site and suddenly decide not to be vanilla. I found a website and then discovered that there was a term called vanilla. And that the way I enjoy sex is not considered vanilla.
 
There would be nothing to go back too since I never left. If I ask someone to pee on me and they say " that is sick" then I always sent them packing. Just not my cup of tea...no big deal. If they say "yeahaw, love to baby" then we probably got it on for at least awhile.
 
More than likely, you are what you are, and always will be. What's in a name anyway? Just some package definition for slow learners really.
 
I suppose I could have been labelled as vanilla up until a year ago because that is how my monogomous partner of 8 years was.....but I always had this little favorite fantasy running through my head .....

My favorite fantasy, which I have had for many years and never fulfilled, is to be hung upside down, legs spread wide, hands tied behind my back ....the rest is up to the person who put me there. Voice is important tho.  Oral sex teasing with no gratification is definitely in my fantasy. So is a talented whip handler. Perhaps he shows a friend his handi work while I am so teased and hot that I am screaming and begging......

So I would ask you this, was this a vanilla person to begin with? No matter who this dreamer lived with, slept in bed with..... were they ever vanilla? Could they ever leave vanilla land if they were not already so inclined? Should they worry about being forever banned from vanilla territory for having left it once?
 
Stop worrying and go live it for all it is worth. Worry is the cruelest master you'll ever know. Trade up !
 


Errrr, I was not going to speak for 3 years...... clearly I have issues with time pieces [sm=shake.gif]



favesclava -> RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? (8/6/2007 11:09:01 AM)

before jan 16 2007 my life totally vanilla and unsatifying. i could never go back. i also know i could never submit to the extent i do with Master. it took me all my vanilla life to get over my first love (i was 15 yo ) so getting over Master would be impossible. lucky for me he has promised never ever to release me. actually promised that he would take me to the emergency room when in my 70's for broken hip and bragging he did it while using me. lovely sentiment isnt it.LOL



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