RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied?

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 8/6/2007 11:18:55 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
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Play is not a relationship, although it is part of a relationship.

There are times when My slave and I are downright vanilla...we enjoy each other without toys or kink. There are times when we explore the limits.

To my mind, the mistake is to give the lifestyle pre-eminence over the relationship. If you have a deep, intimate, committed connection to another person, that will gratify regardless of the external structures you put on it.

Build strong relationships and the flavors will resolve themselves.

quote:

ORIGINAL: maryelena

While I understand we are different people, I was looking for feedback from submissives on their experiences with this lifestyle and the vanilla life. Once you began to be submissive and kinky, going to the clubs and playing , maybe playing with another person (male or female) under your Doms supervison, indulging in semi public play etc, did you find it harder to be content with him alone?

Another question, if you ever did try and return to a vanilla relationship was is sexually boring after you delved into the lifestyle for a time?

I really do not expect,or want this to be a long term lifestyle for me (too complicated and private to explain), and I fear the consequences of going into the water too deeply even though I have fun, fun, fun when I stick my toes in!

(in reply to maryelena)

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/22/2007 9:29:41 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
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.....impossible for me.

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/22/2007 9:34:55 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
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quote:

ORIGINAL: maryelena
Once you began to be submissive and kinky, going to the clubs and playing , maybe playing with another person (male or female) under your Doms supervison, indulging in semi public play etc, did you find it harder to be content with him alone?

No. I have always been submissive while with Valyraen and sometimes I get to play with others at parties. It's fun but it's not that big of a deal.

quote:

Another question, if you ever did try and return to a vanilla relationship was is sexually boring after you delved into the lifestyle for a time?

I had a vanilla relationships where there was some kinky sex. Even if the sex wasn't that kinky the orgasms were mind-blowing.

Vanilla does not mean boring. I don't know who is spreading that particular line of BS but they are very misinformed. Boring sex is boring and it can happen in d/s relationships and vanilla ones.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/22/2007 10:58:09 AM

chey

Posts: 121
Joined: 7/1/2005
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I thrive in the this type of relationship and know from the experiences of "going back to vanilla", and being with some amazing men in that time, that I am still not satisfied. I spend way too much time trying to manipulate them into controlling me somehow.

I agree with Celticlord, it is about the relationship. Without the floggers, paddles, wax...whatever...I would still be who I am to Him and that dynamic would continue to exist because it is about more than the physical.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/22/2007 8:57:41 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I've struggled with d/s over the years, but for me it is what I am, not what I do. There's no "return" to vanilla for me.

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/23/2007 5:46:09 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
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Couldn't even dream of going back to vanilla...ho-hum. When I was collared, I was allowed to play outside with vanilla men and found those encounters to be somewhere between boring and average. Vanilla sex with a Dom however....woohoo!! Nope, gotta have it all now.

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/23/2007 11:00:16 PM

rmanrr

Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
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Greetings
which begs the question...do you have it all now My woman? not yet, but in time you shall.

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Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/24/2007 10:28:43 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
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It definitely took me some time to get my head together on this but...

I will be (24/7) vanilla no more. It just won't work.

A lot of introspection and self-monitoring has led me to understand that it's just not a workable situation for my happiness and fulfillment.

I'm definitely not against vanilla evenings, etc. But, I'm sure like a lot of you, the dynamic has to be there at all times and I all-but-require the ability to hop to any level or adventure that my whims and deviance may enable (at a moment's notice).

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

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RE: Is it difficult to returm to vanilla and be staisfied? - 9/24/2007 11:56:44 AM

murmur

Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
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I'm 70% vanilla/30% kink and my partner is vanilla. He completely understand my needs, although i found that our love for each other is what's fulfill us the most, he gets the kink part of me and as he's himself a very sexual being and very open-minded...i dont think i could find another more kinky vanilla who matches me as well as he does.
Communication is the way, always. Maybe if a vanilla doesnt understand the world of BDSM, maybe you have to tell him in his own words for him to get it? Use his language.
Anyhow, i'm a very lucky girl

cause sexually boring? hell no.
So, if i could *return* to it? I've been in a very unfulfilling D/s relationship before...it wasnt an hard task turning my back at an controlled and abusive supposedly Dom...

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