taking back Daddy

7/27/2007 4:08:01 PM [Report Entry]

I've Almost Lost It All
Current mood: melancholy

I fucked up big time. Yesterday I put someone else ahead of my Daddy. That is the worst thing I could do, and in return, I've recieved the worst punishment imaginable. Daddy has released me as his daughter/slave until sunday night...At first he told me that he wasn't even sure if he would take me back, but thank god he changed his mind. I have to prove to him that I desserve to be taken back. I need to show him that this will never happen again and I need to prove that my words are true. He is the most important person in my life, and I had no right to put anyone in front of him. I don't know what I was thinking. I was begging him to let me make this up to him and fix this but he wouldn't let me speak and try to redeem myself...Talking to my Daddy is not a right, it is a privelage, and I lost that privelage last night the second I placed someone ahead of him. So here I am, sitting at home, forced to accept the fact that I will not hear my Daddy's voice for 3 excruciationg days. I will not get to tell him about my day, I will not get to hear his voice or see his face or have anything to do with him. As far as this goes...I am nothing to him for these 3 days...I am not his daughter, I am not his slave, I do not belong to him. It's one of the worst feelings imaginable...to be so used to someone for 2 months...to have your world revolve around them, and then have it taken away...It's almost unbearable. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about my mistakes. For now that's all I can do. Think about the mistakes I've made, and be ready on Sunday to show him that I have learned from my mistakes. The fear of losing the most important thing I have going right now in my life, the relationship with my daddy and mommy as their daughter, is terrifying. It made me realize just how important this is to me and how much better I need to be to make this work. Yes, I am new in this lifestyle, but that is no excuse. I am bound to make mistakes, but not this big. I really fucked up. Please Daddy, I am begging you to take me back so that I can prove to you what a good daughter I can really be. I will not make these mistakes again. I promise you that I will never put someone ahead of you again. Break me as hard as you want...take out all your frustrations...all your anger on me. I will take it all and thank you afterwards for it. I will thank you for making me experience the pain I know I desserve. The physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain, the possibility of losing you, being without your voice, your words, your control. I'm sorry Daddy