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switchsecrets -> RE: fear of sex (8/1/2007 3:07:19 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
For the past year and a half, I chose not to engage in sex. Because of being used in the past, I was afraid that if I had sex with a guy, he would lose interest. My unwillingness to have sex turned many potential Doms off. I finally met someone that seemed to be a good fit. I explained my fear to him. He seemed to understand and was willing to wait to have sex until I was ready. After several months of non-sexual sessions, I decided to trust him. Just as I feared, he lost interest (and no I didn't just lay there). A friend of mine usually only makes a guy wait for a few days, but doesn't seem to have this problem. Maybe I expect too much. I like to talk to a guy I'm involved with on the phone 2-3 times a week and see him once or twice a month. Does this mean I'm too needy? How can I break this cycle of being used in a bad way and get over my fear of sex that's even worse now than it was before?
sounds like young guys that you're dating. if you're looking for someone that's established, will have patience with you and probably cherish you the way you need sometimes, maybe consider an older Dom. (like 10ys older). the pressure might be off the both of you, in regards to having a lifetime relationship expectation. you sound mentally fragile, which is understandable. Also, demanding an upfront guarantee to stay with you after sex signals insecurity in something, be it physical or mental. if there are not too many expressed expectations, you can both relax and enjoy each other and it becomes a pleasure to see you again, instead of feeling pressured to see you. Also, when you mentioned that you just don't lay there, it seems like you're trying too hard to make a first impression. as a guy, we can be guilty of this too.. you don't have to try and go by some play book. personally, i'd rather see you in your subspace and enjoying yourself then trying so hard to perform like a pornstar. some of that stuff can happen at a later time. we all can be guilty of trying to hard to make a good first impression. often there's lust at first sight, but it generally takes awhile together to build a deeper bond (which is what you seem to be seeking). you can't expect that the very first time (sex with him), unless for example, you were both virgins at the time.
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