Are they here for D/s or for sex?

Are they here for D/s or for sex? (Full Version)

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LthrMaam -> Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 8:48:41 AM)
I simply cannot believe the substandard attitudes of some of the girls (so called submissives/slaves) on this site! LADIES, please understand that you are on a site called "collarme.com" . . . not "fuckme.com". Any real Dominant you find on this site is going to be interested in far more than your fuckhole!! Your profile indicates you are submissive or slave. Please know what that means before you post. If you don't know what that means, please find out. If sex is all you have to offer, please find somewhere else to post your sex profile! An example of what I'm talking about reeks in the following correspondence exchange from just this morning: Good morning, <<Name Removed>>, Thank you for your note. I am most definitely interested. You have several attractive qualities. I live just southeast of Pittsburgh (about 12 miles out of the city) so yes, you and I would be close enough to visit from time to time. Commenting on the remainder of your letter, as well, "extreme" is something I can enjoy and can do well. The degree of 'extreme' much depends on the connection I have and trust that has built with the sub. For example, I'm not about to brand a permenant mark on a girl I just met. I may, however, mark her back with singletail welts. A lot depends on the connection - the 'chemistry'. As for sexual pleasure: Should we 'get together' you may be subjected to sexual 'use', but my clothes will stay on for a very long time. You would have to earn the privlege of servicing me sexually. I am not seeking a sex 'partner' . . . an 'equal'. In other words, don't ever expect to participate in anything that resembles 'vanilla' sex with me! Having no sexual limits or taboos is a good thing! Show me I can trust you and we could have some real fun. Again, much of what I am able to do with a girl depends on the level of trust that has been built with her. Good that you're not a drunk or a druggie as I have a terrible time tolerating either. In shape, flexibility, no physical limitations, all good as well. Cigarette smoking is not something I like but is tolerable . . . I don't kiss girls anyway. There is no smoking in my house or vehicle. And I've saved the criticism for last. Constructive criticism, I hope. Throughout your e-mail were statements that reflected something of a 'bossy' tone. For example, "Let me know what you desire"; and "Get back to me when I can contact you" I understand it is most likely you meant no disrespect. However, the tone came across as 'bossy' - as if giving orders. This makes me cringe. In a submissive, whether it is just a play date or someone petitioning my collar, I require a degree of humility, polite manners, and obeisance. Please read the following paragraph. It is my household credo (posted in the dining room and memorized by anyone wishing to petition my collar). It should give you an idea of the type of perspective I seek: You represent yourself, anyone who trains or has trained you, the Dominant you attend or serve, the community you are included in, and this Household. Your respect for these should dictate your behavior and indicate what is expected of you publicly and privately. Please give care to manners, grace, appearance, presentation and attendance, and treat others with the respect that befits station and/or how you would wish to be treated. So, <<Name Removed>>, in order for you and me to go in a forward direction, I will require a bit of polish on the way you address me (and/or anyone else I witness, hear of, or know about). The D/s dynamic is an important part of 'what we do' and my D/s bubble can easily be burst by a statement from a submissive that sounds like she is giving me (or anyone) an order. I find good manners and well chosen words far more enticing than a nude photo [which was included in the initial correspondence]. I'll leave you with this instruction: please rephrase your request (Get back to me when I can contact you) into something that might compel me to respond with what you want or need. We can go from there . . . Ms. E ******************* I nearly choked on her response: Am NOT the mindless bimbo you want. Good luck in your search. <<Name Removed>> ******************* I absolutely HATE it when I waste my time and thoughtful response on someone who has NO CLUE and worse, in this instance, is unwilling to consider she has anything to learn!!!! Thank you for enduring my rant! I feel better now. Ms. E

MadRabbit -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 8:53:03 AM)
Well...thank God, we have plenty of dominants here who just want to fuck them. It all balances out in the end.

gooddogbenji -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 8:54:20 AM)
Ms E, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Some likes them one way, some likes them another way. But keep in mind that you are on a site called collarme.com, and not wehavenoTOS.com, and here you're not allowed to post correspondence. Also, consider the fact that you are, essentially sending out a sales pitch. No one has any need to reply, and you getting frustrated over her response is your problem, not hers. Honestly, if I got your message in my inbox, telling me that I need to work on how to address you, I would probably reply with something I find amusing. But that's just me. Yours, benji

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 8:57:23 AM)
I read the correspondence... I don't see anything there about 'sex only' all I see is you telling someone off for making statements you deemed less than properly subservient, then reposting your private response to her in a public forum. Then again, my profile picture is nude, so maybe I have a warped sense of standards.

feastie -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 8:59:06 AM)
To the OP ... Different strokes for different folks, you know. Not everyone feels the same way as you do, be they on the dominant or submissive side of things. I'm glad you feel better about having your rant, but I fail to see what subjecting the rest of us to your need for validation accomplishes.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:01:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LthrMaam snip *I absolutely HATE* it when I waste my time and thoughtful response on someone who has NO CLUE and worse, in this instance, is unwilling to consider she has anything to learn!!!!** Thank you for enduring my rant! I feel better now. Ms. E id imagine the submissive may be saying the same thing about you......so the 2 of you arent a match.......that makes neither of you clueless or wrong, just not a match......i see nothing wrong with the way she indicated for you to get back to her......in my mind it was giving you some power-as in you contact me when its good for you...... just my 2 cents-good luck finding what you seek...

toughmaster007 -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:08:06 AM)
I think it is completely inappropriate to post a private correspondance in public like this. Not only that it is completely unfair to the girl involved. If you got irritated with her response, most likely she felt the same about your email too. Would you like her posting a similar message about you on a public forum and asking the whole world what they thought of you as a domme? Just because you don't like her as a slave or think she is not the right kind of slave doesn't mean she is not a slave or another dom/me will not find her the same.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:33:39 AM)
E- why don't you work more on figuring out why your initial screening process always leads you to these types of people?

AquaticSub -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:43:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LthrMaam I simply cannot believe the substandard attitudes of some of the girls (so called submissives/slaves) on this site! LADIES, please understand that you are on a site called "collarme.com" . . . not "fuckme.com". Any real Dominant you find on this site is going to be interested in far more than your fuckhole!! BS. Sometimes people just want sex. It doesn't automatically make them a fake or "not real". It makes them a hounddog. quote: Your profile indicates you are submissive or slave. Please know what that means before you post. They should know what it means to them. Your defination of submissive is just that - yours. It only applies to you. quote: If you don't know what that means, please find out. If sex is all you have to offer, please find somewhere else to post your sex profile! There are some real doms who just want sexual service. Last time I checked, they didn't submit to you. quote: An example of what I'm talking about reeks in the following correspondence exchange from just this morning: Good morning, <<Name Removed>>, Thank you for your note. I am most definitely interested. You have several attractive qualities. I live just southeast of Pittsburgh (about 12 miles out of the city) so yes, you and I would be close enough to visit from time to time. Commenting on the remainder of your letter, as well, "extreme" is something I can enjoy and can do well. The degree of 'extreme' much depends on the connection I have and trust that has built with the sub. For example, I'm not about to brand a permenant mark on a girl I just met. I may, however, mark her back with singletail welts. A lot depends on the connection - the 'chemistry'. As for sexual pleasure: Should we 'get together' you may be subjected to sexual 'use', but my clothes will stay on for a very long time. You would have to earn the privlege of servicing me sexually. I am not seeking a sex 'partner' . . . an 'equal'. In other words, don't ever expect to participate in anything that resembles 'vanilla' sex with me! Having no sexual limits or taboos is a good thing! Show me I can trust you and we could have some real fun. Again, much of what I am able to do with a girl depends on the level of trust that has been built with her. Good that you're not a drunk or a druggie as I have a terrible time tolerating either. In shape, flexibility, no physical limitations, all good as well. Cigarette smoking is not something I like but is tolerable . . . I don't kiss girls anyway. There is no smoking in my house or vehicle. And I've saved the criticism for last. Constructive criticism, I hope. Throughout your e-mail were statements that reflected something of a 'bossy' tone. For example, "Let me know what you desire"; and "Get back to me when I can contact you" I understand it is most likely you meant no disrespect. However, the tone came across as 'bossy' - as if giving orders. This makes me cringe. In a submissive, whether it is just a play date or someone petitioning my collar, I require a degree of humility, polite manners, and obeisance. Please read the following paragraph. It is my household credo (posted in the dining room and memorized by anyone wishing to petition my collar). It should give you an idea of the type of perspective I seek: You represent yourself, anyone who trains or has trained you, the Dominant you attend or serve, the community you are included in, and this Household. Your respect for these should dictate your behavior and indicate what is expected of you publicly and privately. Please give care to manners, grace, appearance, presentation and attendance, and treat others with the respect that befits station and/or how you would wish to be treated. So, <<Name Removed>>, in order for you and me to go in a forward direction, I will require a bit of polish on the way you address me (and/or anyone else I witness, hear of, or know about). The D/s dynamic is an important part of 'what we do' and my D/s bubble can easily be burst by a statement from a submissive that sounds like she is giving me (or anyone) an order. I find good manners and well chosen words far more enticing than a nude photo [which was included in the initial correspondence]. I'll leave you with this instruction: please rephrase your request (Get back to me when I can contact you) into something that might compel me to respond with what you want or need. We can go from there . . . Ms. E ********************* I nearly choked on her response: Am NOT the mindless bimbo you want. Good luck in your search. <<Name Removed>> Well you don't provide us with a hint as to what the response was so we would just have to talk your word for it. And I'm just not willing to do that. Your letter was, by some standards rude. Some subs/slaves will respond positively to that. Others will tell you where to get off. Just means you don't work together, move on. quote: ********************* I absolutely HATE it when I waste my time and thoughtful response on someone who has NO CLUE and worse, in this instance, is unwilling to consider she has anything to learn!!!! Thank you for enduring my rant! I feel better now. Ms. E So can I complain about this wasting my time now? [:D]

AquaticSub -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:47:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji Honestly, if I got your message in my inbox, telling me that I need to work on how to address you, I would probably reply with something I find amusing. benji Oh wait... she sent that letter? I, personally, can't stand the bloody arrogence of the "uber-doms" who send letters letting subs know how wrong they are doing things. I hope the sub got her kicks out of being snarky[:D]. Edited to add: Ok so that was mostly a rant against the doms who send those letters out of nowhere. Sorry.

catize -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:54:14 AM)
quote: Your profile indicates you are submissive or slave. Please know what that means before you post. Your profile indicates that you are a dominant. Please know that means absolutely nothing until a submissive agrees to submit to you. Please understand that your title gives you no right to dictate how all submissives should act. Please get a clue that you are not dom o' the world.

domiguy -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:55:03 AM)
Tremendous first thread!!!! Goddammit! I didn't reach this level of posting greatness till thread # 32..."Why is it necessary for me to have to clean my toys?" It was a classic! You are going to be a big hit out here....Can't wait for your second offering!!! Keep up the good work.

LthrMaam -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:56:43 AM)
Wow do I feel put in a corner! I didn't realize I was signing up to be beaten up. First, none of you have any idea who the girl is. She is some anonomous person - one of hundreds, possibly thousands on this site. Her name and any personal details have been removed from the post. Besides her one-line response and 15 words of quote, the text I posted was my composition - not hers. So pardon me, but I don't see how posting this is considered so very inappropriate. What I was attempting to voice is that I (and most Dominants I've known) do not like to be told what to do by a submissive. It is bad form. In this instance I attempted to address this politely - even said I wished the criticism to be constructive. The hope was to give the girl something - a hint of proper manners and/or polish. Something that she could take with her - something that would benefit her no matter who she chooses to correspond with. In my opinion anyone interested in submission rather than just sex would have reacted differently. The suggestion that polishing her manners equates to being a mindless bimbo is a clear indication that she has no clue about submission (certainly by my definition)! I apologize for "subjecting" you folks to my thoughts and peeves. It's quickly obvious they are invalid and not understood in this particular forum. Thank you for being polite (or in some cases almost polite) in your criticism. Your thoughts are valid and being considered. Fear not, I'll leave you all to your own devices and flavor of D/s. If the dominants of this forum wish to continue to accept correspondence from submissives that appears to be bossy, have at it. It's quite clear that I do not belong here. I'll not waste any more of your time! Truly, Ms. E P.S. LadyAlbatross, thank you for the constructive note! Much appreciated!

mistoferin -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:56:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Well you don't provide us with a hint as to what the response was so we would just have to talk your word for it. And I'm just not willing to do that. quote: her response: Am NOT the mindless bimbo you want. Good luck in your search. <<Name Removed>> More coffee Aqua?...lol.

AquaticSub -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 9:59:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Well you don't provide us with a hint as to what the response was so we would just have to talk your word for it. And I'm just not willing to do that. quote: her response: Am NOT the mindless bimbo you want. Good luck in your search. <<Name Removed>> More coffee Aqua?...lol. MMMMMmmm..... coffee....

catize -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 10:00:57 AM)
quote: I simply cannot believe the substandard attitudes of some of the girls Yes, subs with standards.......how terrible! [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m28.gif[/image]

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 10:04:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LthrMaam What I was attempting to voice is that I (and most Dominants I've known) do not like to be told what to do by a submissive. It is bad form. In this instance I attempted to address this politely - even said I wished the criticism to be constructive. The hope was to give the girl something - a hint of proper manners and/or polish. Something that she could take with her - something that would benefit her no matter who she chooses to correspond with. In my opinion anyone interested in submission rather than just sex would have reacted differently. Most dominants I know do not assume that all submissives are submissive to them, before any relationship has been established. I certainly do take an equal part in suggesting what the dominant needs to do for us to begin getting to know one another (ie., "I don't use instant messenger, but please feel free to call"; or, "please let me know how to get in touch with you if I need to"). You did state somewhere in your profile that you're Old Guard and expect certain mannerisms from submissives contacting you, but that doesn't mean all other submissives are going to be helped by using those you find to be pleasing, nor that these mannerisms will appeal to other dominants. I truly think you've mistaken 'mannerisms' for 'manners' in this case.

AquaticSub -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 10:06:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LthrMaam What I was attempting to voice is that I (and most Dominants I've known) do not like to be told what to do by a submissive. Exactly what did she tell you to do? quote: It is bad form. Again, in your opinion. Your opinion applies only to you and those who think like you. There are times when a submissive telling a dominant what to do is not only good form but required. When Valyraen tells me to get him off the computer in one hour, in one hour I had better get him off that computer no matter what! quote: In this instance I attempted to address this politely - even said I wished the criticism to be constructive. The hope was to give the girl something - a hint of proper manners and/or polish. Something that she could take with her - something that would benefit her no matter who she chooses to correspond with. In my opinion anyone interested in submission rather than just sex would have reacted differently. The suggestion that polishing her manners equates to being a mindless bimbo is a clear indication that she has no clue about submission (certainly by my definition)! What she said being bossy is a very personal opinion. Valyraen and the dominants I know wouldn't consider "Let me know what you desire" and "Let me know when I can get back to you" bossy. We tend to do things pretty informally. quote: I apologize for "subjecting" you folks to my thoughts and peeves. It's quickly obvious they are invalid and not understood in this particular forum. Certainly not invalid, but sometimes one needs to be reminded that there are many, many different flavors of d/s and very few, if any, are wrong. quote: Thank you for being polite (or in some cases almost polite) in your criticism. Your thoughts are valid and being considered. Fear not, I'll leave you all to your own devices and flavor of D/s. If the dominants of this forum wish to continue to accept correspondence from submissives that appears to be bossy, have at it. It's quite clear that I do not belong here. I'll not waste any more of your time! Truly, Ms. E P.S. LadyAlbatross, thank you for the constructive note! Much appreciated! Again, many would not have considered that bossy. However you do. All this shows is that you would not have worked with that sub/slave. I do hope that you find what you are looking for and that you don't leave entirely. Aqua

SexyRed -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 10:07:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LthrMaam Wow do I feel put in a corner! I didn't realize I was signing up to be beaten up. First, none of you have any idea who the girl is. She is some anonomous person - one of hundreds, possibly thousands on this site. Her name and any personal details have been removed from the post. Besides her one-line response and 15 words of quote, the text I posted was my composition - not hers. So pardon me, but I don't see how posting this is considered so very inappropriate. What I was attempting to voice is that I (and most Dominants I've known) do not like to be told what to do by a submissive. It is bad form. In this instance I attempted to address this politely - even said I wished the criticism to be constructive. The hope was to give the girl something - a hint of proper manners and/or polish. Something that she could take with her - something that would benefit her no matter who she chooses to correspond with. In my opinion anyone interested in submission rather than just sex would have reacted differently. The suggestion that polishing her manners equates to being a mindless bimbo is a clear indication that she has no clue about submission (certainly by my definition)! I apologize for "subjecting" you folks to my thoughts and peeves. It's quickly obvious they are invalid and not understood in this particular forum. Thank you for being polite (or in some cases almost polite) in your criticism. Your thoughts are valid and being considered. Fear not, I'll leave you all to your own devices and flavor of D/s. If the dominants of this forum wish to continue to accept correspondence from submissives that appears to be bossy, have at it. It's quite clear that I do not belong here. I'll not waste any more of your time! Truly, Ms. E P.S. LadyAlbatross, thank you for the constructive note! Much appreciated! I find it amusing that you feel you had to "instruct" a sub on the proper etiquette of replying in an email and that if she was interested in sex, well then, she must be a BADDDDDDDDDD submissive. I am fairly sure that no one, no submissive would truly be interested in your constructive criticism. We are all here to meet someone special and if someone took the time to tell you, no thanks, not interested, just deal with it. And I certainly would have taken your reply to her as some posturing bullshit. And I KNOW I am not mindless or a bimbo, but possibly, not submissive enough. Although I do possess manners. But I am here for the sex, so I must be a bad submissive and a total slut, go figure.

mistoferin -> RE: Are they here for D/s or for sex? (7/28/2007 10:09:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LthrMaam If the dominants of this forum wish to continue to accept correspondence from submissives that appears to be bossy, have at it. Honestly, I didn't see her tone as "bossy". If she had ended her note to you with "Have a nice day!" would you have viewed that as an order? Your correspondence seems to indicate that you have the belief that because you are dominant it makes you somehow superior and that you expect that it entitles you to special treatment by those you deem to be inferior (submissive). While I can certainly understand your wish for subserviance within the constructs of a relationship, I don't really understand why you would think that someone who has no commitment to you would be obligated to defer to you in such a manner. Until the moment of an established commitment I would view people as equals, regardless of which end of the flogger they choose. I certainly see the benefit of courtesy and politeness but honestly, your post seemed as though you were expecting more right out of the gate.

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