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slipping? - 7/28/2007 12:39:31 PM   
attitudeproblem


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/23/2006
Status: offline 		Master and i are married, a few months.  We have known each other online (and phone, etc) for like 6 or 7 years and for a long time i told Him i didn't want to have a relationship (other than friendship) with Him because i felt He was too easy going and i was conditioned by an extremely sadistic Master.  Finally last year, we decided to meet in person, since there was obviously something between us all these years. 

Long story short, now i feel like maybe He put on a Sadistic act?   Nowadays seems like i'm just the wife and sometimes He goes into "Master mode" and i get a beating which we both enjoy.  But this is not what i signed up for...  He won't let me work, with the understanding that i would be 24/7 slave available for Him at all times.  Well, after the housework is done, i'm just lonely.  i never thought being a slave would be cooking dinner and watching tv.  Or is He bored of me, or is He slipping?
Any advice?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 12:48:32 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		our mind has a way of painting someone different then they really are its like trying on a new pair a shoes you never know how they are going to work out till you walk in them. you made a commitment.. but it does not mean it has to go the that way ...compromise is the quickest way to success sit down with a kink aware professional talk about the directions of the relationship you can work this through to a more healthy conclusion

(in reply to attitudeproblem)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 1:09:02 PM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Hi attitudeproblem (I don't think that name suits you!)

I find it's very frequent that men will put more of an effort to 'be what you want' when they're still trying to get hooked up with you, and turn into more of their real selves after the deed is done. Anyone can act like something else with reasonable success for just a few months. But then it gets tiring, it's not really what they want, and the act slowly slips. Which is not to say that I can definitely tell this is what's happened to your husband, but I read between your lines that this is your gut instinct and was from the start, and I wouldn't ignore that.

Your not having a job may be a problem, though. Not only are you bored, but you're out of the job market making you less employable if you ever need to get back in. If he's out of the house working every day, why is he adamant that you sit at home; how are you serving him by watching TV? It doesn't make a lot of sense in the long term, especially if you're not raising small children or are handicapped. This is my opinion only, but if you're already feeling that this relationship may or may not be a 'forever' relationship, then it's important for you to have your own solid financial footing, that is, be skilled and employed so that you don't have so few options if anything happens between the two of you. If you can take some college certificate courses instead of watching TV, you'd already be far ahead both for your own mental health and for your personal stability.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 2:06:08 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		I agree that it is probably not wise to leave yourself completely dependent on him. I understand that for some this dynamic works but if you are bored and lonely then it sounds like it is not working for you.

It is possible that since you knew eachother online for so long you had each built up a fantasy in your head of what the other was. It is easy to do, i have done it a million times and with such a long time of only online and phone contact you would have had years to form this opinion with nothing to contradict it.

So my biggest piece of advice is to talk to HIM about it. I understand wanting to ask advice of people that might understand where you're coming from but i think it's important to hear what he has to say. If the fact that you're unhappy doesn't bother him then something is probably wrong that we cannot help to fix.

good luck and i hope you two can find a solution. 

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 2:08:26 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout
If you can take some college certificate courses instead of watching TV, you'd already be far ahead both for your own mental health and for your personal stability.


Agreed. Get out there - do college courses or volunteer in your community. Serve him by enriching your mind.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 2:08:31 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		What DID you sign up for?  And what did HE sign up for? And was it a collective agreement?

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 2:30:25 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well what DID you think a slave is supposed to do--if that isn't it then somebody didn't talk---sounds to Me like your communication skills ( both of you)-- took a holiday and now the latex has met the road with the hard slap of reality--come out of the fantasy and talk about what you both want--before it is too late--oh and btw---don't look to him to MAKE you slavelike and don't let him expect that you "offer up" your submission ----nope its a circle, a give and take.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to attitudeproblem)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 3:27:03 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		You could tie him up in bed while he's sleeping some morning, then Dom him for a couple of hours, causing him to miss work.  That might get the sadist going in him.  :P

(in reply to attitudeproblem)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 4:26:31 PM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		i think you better sit down and have a nice little talk ,, let him know how you are feeling ,, and what you would like to do ,, and get out in the workforce or go to school ,, for that can even better him in the long run , well both of you anyway,,
put it out on the table and let him know ,,, and explain to him wht you have here and see what happens,,, in order for the BDSM relationship to work you must have the following 4 things,,
Communication, Honesty, Respect and Trust,,, and it seems that the communication is breaking down,, be the salve and reconize it and take steps to fix it,, and well the first is to let him know how you feel ,, and then go from there,, i dont know a Master who doesn't  want his salve to be happy with waht sheis doing ,, for to serve makes you happy  let him know how you would like to serve to make him happier,,
MM 

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 4:43:22 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Well, I guess the first question is: what were you expecting it to be like? This isn't a sarcastic question, it's a honest question. It's something you need to ask yourself.

I find that many that get into 24/7 relationships have unrealistic expectations. (I don't know if this is the case for you, or not)

I will say that most of the male Dom/ fem sub marriages that I know are pretty similar to a 1950s marriage. We are the wives. He's the head of the house. Real life happens and sometimes gets in the way. We get around that by making sure that we have date nights and play dates. We also have spontaneous and impromptu periods as well.

It's not realistic to expect a Dominant to be in Dominant mode 24/7. He may always be the Alpha, but he can't always be "on". Same with submissives.

I think a big issue is that you're bored being at home all day and you have a lot of time on your hands to build a resentment. I agree with the others. Take courses that will build our service such as cooking or massage. Volunteer for something that you and he feel strongly about. You might not be working, but that doesn't mean that you can't leave the house.

So, you need to ask yourself are your expectations realistic? And you need to also sit down with him and talk about your feelings or they'll eventually eat away at your relationship.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/28/2007 4:45:59 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MasterMataeo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 4:53:59 PM   
BlindDescent


Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		As the old adage goes ...he said "I do." then he didn't.  I have said in previous threads that the chase and capture is the predominant focus of man's programming. (or chase capture skin cook eat then sleep...or chase capture strip fuck then sleep)  Still the main theme is acquisition...the hard part for us all is maintaining/evolving and creating fresh moments. Online and phone has all the focus with scant reality of the mundane details to deal with. We can all be the most focused and exquisite of sluts and Masters in our minds and hearts of those we touch deeply. Day to day is hard to do especially if all you can do is wait. I expect my counterpart to be active in a variety of spheres. Working is one of them. One needs external accountabilities to  bring home a fresh mind and reason to be  the one chosen. Personally I feel it makes it more of a complete team. In all spheres of life the stay at home person needs interaction and stimulation from external sources. But that's just my perspective.
Listen to problem solving responses. Find a mediator. Enlist a kink aware professional. Don't suffer in silence...resentment is a rather bitter path to walk. Good luck.

< Message edited by BlindDescent -- 7/28/2007 5:48:53 PM >

_____________________________

Reality is what you create; not what others leave behind.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: slipping? - 7/28/2007 11:02:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In addition to the good advice here- sit down and talk with him.  Tell him how you feel using *I* statements and give him a few clear suggestions on behaviors you would like to see changes- things YOU can change, and things you both can change together which you think would help.  Until you both agree that something needs to be changed, and agree to try some changes together, then, well, nothing will change.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BlindDescent)
Profile   Post #: 12
slippage - 7/28/2007 11:15:29 PM   
flaydaddy


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

sit down and talk with him.


Always good advice, as Lucky Albatros says.

I feel this illustrates a problem, it isn't just how long you may have known someone, it's also how  well.  All the email, telephone, post cyber etc etc in the world is no substitute for face to face meeting. How many courtships end after that holiday together?

FD

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: slipping? - 7/29/2007 7:46:01 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

What DID you sign up for?  And what did HE sign up for? And was it a collective agreement?


Agreed.

The two of you need to sit down and put thing IN WRITING. What does each NEED in order to be fulfilled and fed in thier role? What does each WANT to happen? If you can figure out a way to work together and better each other, you can make it work, but it takes two people in kink relationships working, just like it does in vanilla relationships. The only difference is that we prefer an agreed-upon structure inside a transfer of authority. Ya'll have yet to define what that structure is and so you're floundering in the Ms roles.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 14
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