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burningdesires47 -> RE: Masters? Would you consider a sex addict as a submissive? (7/28/2007 7:23:15 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MzMia
Okay, I just read the thread about the Dominant woman that is pissed off,
because a female slave approached her indicating she wanted a sexual relationship.
Okay, Masters would this be a problem for YOU?
Seriously, would you consider a submissive that really was a sex addict?
If she was a great submissive over all, but she had, well that little problem?
I know it would be a tough job, but someone would need to take her in, and look
after her.
You've got two different questions going on here: Would male Doms/Masters have a problem with submissives for whom sex is part of BDSM? Would Doms/Masters take on a submissive who is addicted to sex? two very different questions.
For me, BDSM is linked to sex, in my brain. I do it for the eroticism. "service" like doing dishes and cleaning the house... that doesn't appeal to me, in the sense that I enjoy doing those things. For someone I care about, they are things I would do naturally, to help them out, to make them smile, to make their day easier, Dom or not. They can BECOME erotic when there is a power exchange... but then it's not the chore that's erotic it's the power and energy exchange itself. I would never enter into a standing relationship with a Dom who would not allow sex, it's a compatibility issue. Similarly, (pointing out I'm a switch here) I would never be able to enter into a fulfilling relationship with a sub for whom sex is not a part of it. How we define sex... well, that's negotiable.
Sexual addiction has many, many causes. As a teen I was addicted to sex, as a method of coping with depression from sexual abuse as a child. Being a situational thing, having a definitive cause, it flared up intermittently, for longer and longer periods of time. At that time, I had a Domme who was willing to train me. But my addiction, as well as a lot of other crap going on, made it impossible. Once I was in therapy for it, training was actually NOT impossible, and in fact could have helped break me of my addiction (along with sudden health changes from a genetic defect). But it had to be with someone who was willing to work with the addiction, to be support and work with the therapist.
Relationships that involve sex, even vanilla ones, are always difficult to manage with a sex addict. In such a community where people play without emotional involvement, it's easy to say "I won't have that sub." But if it's someone that you care about, and otherwise mesh with, and is willing to seek help for their addiction, one must ask themselves.... would I date this person if I were vanilla? What would my rules and parameters be? It's easy to say, well it's just not OK for me because I always make a rule about chastity with my subs.... well guess what, monogamous people have similar rules about not fucking random people, but while dealing with a sex addict, you kinda have to reassess the situation a bit. Maybe making the rule USE A FREAKING CONDOM is a better idea? Buy the nice girl a deluxe pack a week, and make her tell you every excruciating detail of the encounters?
For someone considering a D/s relationship with a sex addict, I'd say get with a kink-friendly sex addiction therapist and work out a system. It's not impossible, it just takes effort, and you have to decide if this person is worth your effort.
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