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RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 10:45:45 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Wow thanks everyone.
I wasn't very clear in my initial post but you all helped.
I was asking for people not to be too ashamed of showing their relationships.
I still think it's easier for sub women than sub men.
And not to shy away from the subject of kink as a person's sexuality.
I'm afraid again although I understand the need I don't think pro Dommes help our cause.
Nor does the type of advertising that you get on sites such as this.
The difference between kink within a relationship and how kink is often portrayed in the media is what we have to combat.
It has been my experience that even the more educated programme makers often chose to interview pro Dommes instead of 'lifestyle' people.
It will take time but hopefully not as long if we all do out bit.
If we know about any court cases pending it might be a good idea to organise a presence.
I have great sympathy for those of us who feel threatened at work.
I was told by one of my mangers that I shouldn't mention sex at all at work.
And that was in a Social Services department.
I didn't bother to tell her that I had been requested by one of my clients to procure him a prostitute at one time in my career. What's the point they were going to sack me anyway.
No way is protecting oneself double standards or hypocrisy.
All I'm saying is that when we feel able to without too much risk then it helps to be as open as each individual can be. Every little helps.

(in reply to MasterMataeo)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 10:45:52 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missbehaeven

~smiles~
Greetings windchymes,
It must just vary not only place to place, but department to department.
I work in a hospital as well, on an adult med-surg unit, and as colleagues, we're all very supportive of one another, and I couldn't imagine myself or anyone shunned because of their personal life.
However, a nurse who used to work in phlebotomy before obtaining her RN license made a casual joke with a fellow phlebotomist she'd known for years, and had even socialized with during dept get-togethers.
This colleague went to human resources and reported her, and now she has to take sensitivity training, though no disciplinary action.
I guess bottom line is limit out of work topics to out of work events because you don't know what might be overheard by who, or misconstrued.
 


Oh lordy, that sounds so typical, lol.  "Sensitivity training".  Sheesh.  I live for the day when they have "Loosen up your Ass Training" lol   Thanks for the input, miss b :)

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to missbehaeven)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 11:04:59 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have worn a corset and high platform boots to a mall before.  It was no big deal.

People really think others care about them more than they do. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 1:26:20 PM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		I recently started a new job with a non-profit.  Not long after, my supervisor and a colleague were talking about a woman who used to work there who was into BDSM.  They spoke of how she dressed inappropriately at work, carried a key chain with miniature handcuffs on it, put bdsm symbols on the notes she sent to others in the company, and was constantly recounting experiences that made everyone uncomfortable.  When she invited a member of our parents group to her home and showed them her dungeon, he was so uncomfortable that he filed a complaint, and soon she was history. 

So of course I listened to the story and did not tip my hand in any way that I have any part in the lifestyle. 

About a week ago, I accidentally left my yahoo mail open on our shared computer when I went home one afternoon.  I am pretty sure no one used the computer before I did the next morning, and I certainly hope not because there were emails with CollarMe in the subject line. 

Oh, and I once had BDSM stuff incorporated into a lawsuit which led to me losing custody of my son so I am pretty careful what I share these days, and I don't post pics for issues concerning family and career.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 1:36:01 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
They spoke of how she dressed inappropriately at work, carried a key chain with miniature handcuffs on it, put bdsm symbols on the notes she sent to others in the company, and was constantly recounting experiences that made everyone uncomfortable.  When she invited a member of our parents group to her home and showed them her dungeon, he was so uncomfortable that he filed a complaint, and soon she was history

See?  Now that's just unbelievably stupid and uncalled for.  I don't care how "into BDSM" someone is, they have to have enough common sense to know not to go to work and flagrantly display it.  Gee, I love giving head.  I think I'll have Master take some up close and personal shots of His cock down my throat and frame them and put them on my desk at the office.  Think that's a good idea?  Give me a break.  Just as I don't want to see/hear the intimate details of my co-workers sex lives on display, they don't want to have mine shoved down their throats either.  You don't dress "inappropriately" at work, you don't "constantly recount" the intimate details of what gets you off to coworkers, and you don't take clients home to show them "where the action takes place."  Geesh.  And I guarantee this numbskull will recount the story of her firing and blame it on her bosses prejudice against her BDSM lifestyle.  No, just a "prejudice" against idiots in the company....lol......luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 7/29/2007 1:37:08 PM >

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(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 1:42:36 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Sapphirepleasure I am so sorry about your losing custody of your son.
I hope you still have contact.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 1:50:13 PM   
goodgirl85


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Most of friends know that I am kinky and submissive in the bedroom, however my submissive nature outside of the bedroom I tend to keep under wraps as people have a hard time accepting and understanding it. I lost a friend because of it. Thats not to say I become only a 'nilla girlfriend when in company with 'nilla folks, but I also don't say Yes, Sir... unless I can somehow say it so to others it has a humorous tone to it only he would know how I really meant it.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 1:56:19 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

I recently started a new job with a non-profit.  Not long after, my supervisor and a colleague were talking about a woman who used to work there who was into BDSM.  They spoke of how she dressed inappropriately at work, carried a key chain with miniature handcuffs on it, put bdsm symbols on the notes she sent to others in the company, and was constantly recounting experiences that made everyone uncomfortable.  When she invited a member of our parents group to her home and showed them her dungeon, he was so uncomfortable that he filed a complaint, and soon she was history. 

So of course I listened to the story and did not tip my hand in any way that I have any part in the lifestyle. 

About a week ago, I accidentally left my yahoo mail open on our shared computer when I went home one afternoon.  I am pretty sure no one used the computer before I did the next morning, and I certainly hope not because there were emails with CollarMe in the subject line. 

Oh, and I once had BDSM stuff incorporated into a lawsuit which led to me losing custody of my son so I am pretty careful what I share these days, and I don't post pics for issues concerning family and career.


And those experiences are not terribly uncommon either.  I'm really amazed anyone here puts pics of their face up.  Where I last worked, I was told that a navy and gold striped tie looked a little too unprofessional.  Can you imagine how they'd react if they discovered my lifestyle interests? 

There are still millions of people out there who think all BDSM is either rape or a severe mental disorder, and when gossip starts spreading from person to person, the rumors will be distorted even more. 

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 2:01:48 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		It really depends on the part of the country you live in to where you should be more open or not.  We shouldn't slam our lifestyle down other's throats but we should be proud to live it.
An example I guess is one time we had a leather picnic and the BDSM pride flag was what you looked for as to where we were meeting (and yes some of the fashion as well, you could tell).  It was in a public place (Piedmont Park to be exact).  And to me all of that was fine, it was a nice time to hang out, have a few beers (if you drink) and eat good food.  It was a chance for (what I call) leatherfolk to get together.

But it was still a public park and I felt we had to be respectful to those in the park who aren't into our lifestyle.  A couple of attendees brought out floggers and a couple were doing dog play in the park.  This didn't sit well to me because I felt we were throwing our lifestyle in the face of others.

I remember when I first knew about a community the quiet ones were the ones that intrigued me, the one's you saw that you knew (or at least) thought that there was something about them that was D/s but they didn't throw it in your face.  That's who I approached in the beginning.

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 5:52:45 PM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

Sapphirepleasure I am so sorry about your losing custody of your son.
I hope you still have contact.


Yes, I do.  He's grown now (in college), but we have stayed close.  He was in a tough situation because his father was pumping him for damaging information about me that all ended up in the suit.  My son felt he'd betrayed me but I know he just wanted his father's attention and that was the only way he felt he could get it. 

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Coming out - 7/29/2007 6:22:36 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Id be more then happy to be "out" about my involvment in BDSM when it stops becomeing something that will cause me to lose my job.


ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Coming out - 7/30/2007 12:57:12 AM   
MasterMike04103


Posts: 143
Joined: 7/24/2004
Status: offline 		I think its easier to be out when your in a Large City where everyone is in a race to get nowhere fast. Where I live its not really like that... Maine is about as back asswards as you be legally... I mean here its ok to be Homosexual or Bisexual, or event a Trans Sexual, but not so much if your kinky... I guess its the natural puritan style of life up here... Personally, I am proud to be part of my Leather community, As my profile pic shows, I wear my pride on my sleve every day... and most times its out for public display.

However,  I am NEVER in your face about being a member of the BDSM/Leather/Kinky world, or that I am a leader in the local young adults TNG group...I have a leather pride flag on my laptop, car and notebook, I do have BDSM Patches on my Bags and breifcase... Hell its an easy way to pick it out of a line at the airport. I would rather just go to the local munch(s) do what I do every day and at the end of the day.... I just wanna BEAT the one I love

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Coming out - 7/30/2007 9:35:03 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I agree it's not fair to be in someone's face all the time.
I talked about it at work to what I thought were a few close friends.
I couldn't keep my mouth shut it was just such a revelation to me.
I was wrong. They weren't my friends.
They told others and soon most people in the department knew.
From then on it became a nightmare.
Anyway as they say what doesn't break you makes you stronger.
It's taken me years to get over it though.
However I think the experience has given me more empathy for people who find themselves in difficult situations and do the best they can.
I wasn't a judgemental person before but I'm a lot more ready to listen to both sides of an arguement before making a decision now.
It has also taught me that no matter how hard it is the truth sets me free and hopefully others as well.
Thankyou once again to everyone who has participated in this discussion.
Sapphirepleasure I am so glad that everything turned out well for you.
Be proud of him and yourself.



(in reply to MasterMike04103)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Coming out - 7/30/2007 12:07:18 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

I recently started a new job with a non-profit.  Not long after, my supervisor and a colleague were talking about a woman who used to work there who was into BDSM.  They spoke of how she dressed inappropriately at work, carried a key chain with miniature handcuffs on it, put bdsm symbols on the notes she sent to others in the company, and was constantly recounting experiences that made everyone uncomfortable.  When she invited a member of our parents group to her home and showed them her dungeon, he was so uncomfortable that he filed a complaint, and soon she was history. 


About a week ago, I accidentally left my yahoo mail open on our shared computer when I went home one afternoon.  I am pretty sure no one used the computer before I did the next morning, and I certainly hope not because there were emails with CollarMe in the subject line. 

Oh, and I once had BDSM stuff incorporated into a lawsuit which led to me losing custody of my son so I am pretty careful what I share these days, and I don't post pics for issues concerning family and career.


So, you've been warned about the last person in your position. You've already lost your son in a custody suit, so bdsm has played a part in a court case of yours, you've started a new job... and you're STILL on company computers logging into a bdsm site?

And that's smart... how?

You might want to consider waiting till you get home to check your e-mail.

Or open something that's not so ... volatile when it comes to your continued employment.

juliet


(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Coming out - 7/30/2007 12:44:57 PM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		I didn't log onto a BDSM site.  I checked my yahoo email.  There's a difference.

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Coming out - 7/30/2007 1:08:44 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		in a direct response...i would suggest you create different accounts...family/vanilla friends (the ones that don't send you dirty jokes)/work and kinky...its just plain silly to mix them if you're so concerned about being discovered...if you want someone to know both, let them know to not put anything not work safe in the email to the first kind...i don't know where you work but if it is a place where checking your personal email is actually appropriate, you should have seperate accounts...many companies can and do track each and everything you look at on the web....if its not appropriate...stop doing it...

anywho...on the OT...i posted this to a friends live journal on the topic...

we can have a main stream community when we elect lawmakers to represent us and get rid of the laws that make what we do inherently illegal, just like every other "repressed" peoples...gay men and women did not have the same kind of struggles...not to say that they weren't as hard or even harder than women or black people for instance...but for the most part they had to and have to deal with societal ideals not laws...therefore they had to change peoples ideas of right and wrong...when it is a law telling you something is wrong...generally if you remove the law, it becomes not wrong anymore...we are at a stage where even if not everyone does things illegally (assault being the primary one)we are all tarred with same brush because so many do...

just my thoughts....
chelle

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Coming out - 7/31/2007 10:20:06 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		A very good point  chellekitty.
But we don't want to change the laws on assault do we?
I for one want them enforced more stringently.
When my fiancee gave me two black eyes I would have liked to have gone to the police. I didn't because I knew the trouble it would cause me.
However what I do is not assault. I do everything in my power to make sure it isn't apart from asking a sub for a wish list. Even if I did that what is a hard caning to one person isn't to another. So does anyone understand the law on consent? Maybe I ought to start a new post on that one.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Coming out - 7/31/2007 11:03:03 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

I recently started a new job with a non-profit.  Not long after, my supervisor and a colleague were talking about a woman who used to work there who was into BDSM.  They spoke of how she dressed inappropriately at work, carried a key chain with miniature handcuffs on it, put bdsm symbols on the notes she sent to others in the company, and was constantly recounting experiences that made everyone uncomfortable.  When she invited a member of our parents group to her home and showed them her dungeon, he was so uncomfortable that he filed a complaint, and soon she was history. 

So of course I listened to the story and did not tip my hand in any way that I have any part in the lifestyle. 

About a week ago, I accidentally left my yahoo mail open on our shared computer when I went home one afternoon.  I am pretty sure no one used the computer before I did the next morning, and I certainly hope not because there were emails with CollarMe in the subject line. 

Oh, and I once had BDSM stuff incorporated into a lawsuit which led to me losing custody of my son so I am pretty careful what I share these days, and I don't post pics for issues concerning family and career.


i love your post it is true and as someone that owns a business. It really is all about customer interaction and making money. If someone has bdsm stats all over and body percings they are going to turn alot of customers away. I think you said it best work is for work. and what you do at home is your business. the shock culture wants to throw it in everyones faces. but that does not make a store owner or company money and it is all about the money just reality

just for anyone that does this at work if your a large company you can see everything someone does on a pc there is software that will allow you to view what someone is doing on the pc while they are working or where they have been fyi

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 7/31/2007 11:10:32 AM >

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Coming out - 7/31/2007 1:36:14 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Right now, I subscribe to the philosophy of being "out, but private." My parents didn't go around discussing details of their sex life with the kids or the neighbors, so I don't see why I should, either. Now, if someone asks me, because they've heard rumors or something, I'll happily chat with them about it. However, if I do, I'll make sure they understand that I live this way ethically, and do not pose any kind of threat to them, their kids, or the community in general. "I do like to tie up and spank my partners, yes. But only if they ask me to do so... very, very nicely."

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Coming out - 7/31/2007 3:02:17 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		That's what I was getting at bipolarber. To try and dispel some of the myths surrounding our lifestyle. If someone actually knows a person they are more likely to listen to the realities rather than the more fantastic versions of kink. The extremes I think we need to keep to ourselves for the time being.

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 40
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