Mentor type programs for techniques (Full Version)

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ToysAndTies -> Mentor type programs for techniques (7/29/2007 3:00:56 PM)

Now here's something I never thought that I'd be typing if one asked me a few years ago.  I'm trying to meet partners interested in playing to increase experience with techniques and things  because I've only been active in WIITWD for about a year and a half.  Note: not trolling around on the posts, just giving a bare bones background.

My question to the masters out here is this; when you were starting out, working on new techniques and skills and the like, did many of you apprentice or anything of that nature?  Coming out of the college environment, I'm used to classes and critiques about ways to improve.  Any sort of kink career advisors out there? haha



KnightofMists -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (7/29/2007 3:05:33 PM)

for some things.. just wing it

for some things read the instructions

for some things get advise

for some things get taught by someone that already does it.

for some things... Don't do it no matter what.

It's all very subjective on the person and what it is one is doing.  There is some pretty strong generalities one could draw on.... but no absolutes.



earthycouple -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (7/29/2007 4:00:32 PM)

I always suggest things like conventions....where skilled presenters are there to help.  Shibaricon, Kinky Kollege, Sinsations in Leather and those are just three in the Chicagoland area.  I am sure they are in major cities everywhere



PairOfDimes -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (7/29/2007 4:16:40 PM)

I see that you're in NJ--are you close enough to Manhattan? The Eulenspiegel Society (TES) runs regular classes. Check out lolitawolf.blogspot.com for regular updates on what's going on in the New York kink scene. Classes can be very useful for some things--needles are best taught in person, I think, and rope bondage often works better in person, too--and fun for many others. Even when the instruction isn't paramount, classes are also fun to attend, and a good way to meet people.

I learned most things by trial and error, and by using non-kinky sources for knowledge that I applied to kink. Did I want to know where it was safe to hit? I looked at anatomy and physiology texts, and applied what I knew from martial arts and first aid. Did I want to know how to tie knots? I looked in knot-tying books--sailing, Boy Scouts. I learned things about developing a command presence by applying professional leadership skills and classes and books to kink--public speaking experience helps there, too. For SM, I did a lot of "Hm, what happens if I do this?" experimentation at first, on myself (highly recommended) and on willing partners (brush up on your anatomy and physiology before you do this, please). I've learned other things by a bit of formal instruction by kinky people, either by classes or by approaching generous friends, but then practiced and extended them on my own (which, as I think about this, is what college should have taught you to do--to expand on the tools it gave you).



Archer -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (7/29/2007 9:42:54 PM)

Getting involved in the local community can help alot with finding the people who are generally recognized as "experts" experienced practitioners of various skill sets.
From there it is a matter of attending any classes they offer locally or aranging time to learn from them on a more individual level.

Often much of what you can learn from them you can learn from other source as mentioned by others but they can often help you narrow the studies to focus on what you need to know for that technique.



robertolapiedra -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (7/30/2007 1:29:17 AM)

Hello ToysAndTies. One rarely given reference is your friendly local sexshop. Some owners or employees are in the know about lots of stuff (watch out for the vanilla employees). Some will answer knowledgly about special equipment (the more expensive it is, the better the "service") and may just refer you to some others in the community.

I am suggesting this as one way of making first contact when you live in a community that does not have BDSM clubs and you do not know where to start. If you have a sexshop business (erotic boutique) operating near you it may serve as a watering hole for some of bad boys and girls (heavy kink set).

I have seen a sexshop owner put up a flyer about fetish events in the community and he gave lots of information to newbies interested in participating in a latex fetish night in a local club.  Besides selling the exotic wear he also subtly asked if they needed "other stuff" to which he had "non lingerie" catalogs he would gladely send. Anyway, they should know about what activities or groups that are closest to where you live.

Next time you go "shopping", ask for advice. You may be surprised. Then again you may get that "I just work here" look! which I find is fun also. RL.

Edit: insert.



ToysAndTies -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (7/31/2007 10:33:42 AM)

Thank you for all the advice. I'll admit, I used to shy away from the local lifestyle-type scene, thinking this was something private between me and a very select few.  But then I realized sex and dating are normal conversation topics, why should this be any different?  I'm starting to go out and about to local munches, and perhaps will make my way to a convention in the near future, but I never thought about the sex shops as a resource.  Good tip.  Pair of Dimes, I'm about a two hour train ride from Manhattan, so things in Newark, Trenton, Princeton are most appealing, but I did have friends in TES in school (when I was closer to the city).  Seems like Knots for Everyone looks promising around here, and DFP as well.  



Valyraen -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (7/31/2007 9:35:39 PM)

Y'know, I was terrified of meeting the local leather community here... I thought that I'd essentially be put up for examination and judged as a newbie without a clue. Turns out my fears were completely groundless. The group that Kitten and I joined is one of the few places that we can just be ourselves, without worrying about censoring our conversation, couching things in euphemisms, or having to consider how other people are going to interpret our actions. Add to that the fact that I'm getting free lessons from people who've been doing this whole thing for years and years longer than I have, and I almost wish I'd pushed myself out the door earlier.

Bottom line is, most of these groups have gotten together for a reason, be that scening (which is a learning experience all its own), education, or just a chance to meet other leather folk in your area. The good groups, for the most part, will welcome new members and warm up pretty quickly.



EclipseAbove -> RE: Mentor type programs for techniques (8/1/2007 10:17:44 AM)

I mostly did research and practiced on my own for most things when I first started.  Now I belong to the local community and I would have to caution you.  While I agree with the others that have posted that there are many "experts" out there, I've found a few that were generally recognized as "experts" who were just plain dangerous.  Of course there are far more self-proclaimed "experts" that are just as bad, if not worse.  So, just be a bit careful and take your time in choosing a mentor.  Just my $0.02.



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