Playing Politics in Relationships (Full Version)

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Treasure3 -> Playing Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 5:12:38 PM)

This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I'm interested in hearing other people's views.  Does politics have a place when it comes to communicating in a relationship, especially a BDSM relationship? 

I'm just going to keep the question simple for now and will come back and add my thoughts later.  I am really curious to find out what you guys have to say about this.



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 5:17:04 PM)

Do you mean is it important to have the same politics as your partner(s).

I'm a left to center liberal, many in my life are the same way, some are more left than others.  We agree on a lot. However I don't think it's neccesary to have a partner that's a liberal, in fact my slave isn't a card carrying Republican and it hasn't caused any problems.  Fox News isn't allowed to be watched when I'm in the household [:D]

I'm pretty passionate about my political beliefs and she's not as passionate but we have many things that are common ground.



Treasure3 -> RE: Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 5:22:22 PM)

Ooops.... need to clarify that I am not talking about political views.  I'm speaking of a way of communicating along the lines of "spinning" what it is you want to say in such a way as to be more acceptable to your partner.  Think of it as the oposite of saying what you mean in a direct and straightforward way.



mistoferin -> RE: Playing Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 5:39:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3
Does politics have a place when it comes to communicating in a relationship, especially a BDSM relationship? 


I guess like most things, it would really depend upon the individuals in the relationship. Ultimately, we all learn how to communicate to our partners in ways that are most understood and best received by them.



kohana -> RE: Playing Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 5:44:12 PM)

oops...teach me to read all the posts first



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Playing Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 5:47:51 PM)

Master and I have opposing views on politics. It was never a factor in determining if we were compatible. We discuss things like rational adults. For some it is a factor in determining compatibility. Not for us though,



daddysprop247 -> RE: Playing Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 6:45:58 PM)

yes, as a slave to a somewhat strict and tempermetal Master, a bit of political "spinning" is sometimes necessary in order to get my thoughts/feelings across in an acceptable way. however it doesn't go both ways...as Master he is always very direct and straightforward with me, because there is no reason for him not to be...there are no negative consequences for him if i react badly to something he says.



sublimelysensual -> RE: Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 7:37:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

Ooops.... need to clarify that I am not talking about political views.  I'm speaking of a way of communicating along the lines of "spinning" what it is you want to say in such a way as to be more acceptable to your partner.  Think of it as the oposite of saying what you mean in a direct and straightforward way.


While I think in certain situations, putting the right spin on something is a valuable skill, it's not something I would do in a relationship. To me, sugarcoating/spinning is something you do to try to change what you perceive someone's reaction will be, you're trying to taking charge of the outcome. My gut reaction is that first, it would be manipulative to do, and second, if I'm that intimidated by what someone's reaction would be to my being completely honest and forthright with my thoughts, they're probably not the Dom I should be with. Just my two cents, as always...
 
-a



ownedgirlie -> RE: Politics in Relationships (7/29/2007 7:53:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

Ooops.... need to clarify that I am not talking about political views.  I'm speaking of a way of communicating along the lines of "spinning" what it is you want to say in such a way as to be more acceptable to your partner.  Think of it as the oposite of saying what you mean in a direct and straightforward way.


I wouldn't necessarily say I spin stuff.  I do phrase what I say in a way that is acceptable to him, while still making the point I want to make.  Learning the art of talking to him this way has helped me at work as well, actually.

We were recently joking around in conversation.  He was talking about having me sleep on the floor but maybe he'd step on me in the night on his way to the bathroom.  My response, "Master, I'd hate for you to step on me.  You might break one of my bones and splinter your wonderful foot!  I'd hate for you to injure yourself..." 

Now while that was all said in fun, there are ways I can state exactly what is on my mind while still maintaining respect and subjugation to him.  There's a difference between, "My feelings were hurt by this situation" and "You asshole - what the hell did you do THAT for?!"  [8D]

(Disclaimer:  No, I would never call him an asshole, or even think of him as one.  Names have been changed to protect the innocent.  And no animals were harmed in the making of this post.)



julietsierra -> RE: Politics in Relationships (7/30/2007 3:05:49 AM)

Any time anyone communicates with someone else, there is always a component to that process that addresses how to speak to that person. You're not going to roll down your window after being pulled over by the police for speeding and greet him/her with "hey fucker, what the hell are you pulling me over for THIS time?!" And I presume people aren't generally going to attempt to communicate with their partner by always insulting them.

I may be a masochist, but I sure as hell am going to make sure that I word my comments to my Master - a sadist - in such a way that the things we do that I dearly love and need the most don't become targets for his sadism - at least if I can at all help it. If that's "putting a spin" on something, then so be it. However, along with that, I'm also not going to lie to him.

I just see knowing how to word something to get the optimal response as being good communication regardless of which side of the D/s fence you're on. For that matter, good communication skills are important no matter who you're talking to. If you're talking about "putting a spin" on something in a negative context, then I suppose that'd be in my "I don't lie to him" category of responses.

juliet




slaveish -> RE: Playing Politics in Relationships (7/30/2007 4:58:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

yes, as a slave to a somewhat strict and tempermetal Master, a bit of political "spinning" is sometimes necessary in order to get my thoughts/feelings across in an acceptable way. however it doesn't go both ways...as Master he is always very direct and straightforward with me, because there is no reason for him not to be...there are no negative consequences for him if i react badly to something he says.


Like dp, I had a very strict Master and I had to do a lot of spinning, but not much at all in another dynamic. It depends on the personalities and expectations involved.



ThudBaby -> RE: Playing Politics in Relationships (7/30/2007 5:04:37 AM)

In previous D/s relationships, the BDSM part was billed more as kinky sex than anything else.  And even when there was an element of D/s to it, it was only in private.  This is the first time I've really been a sub/slave and it is occasionally a challange to me when I want to express something that may not be well received.

So yes, I have to be diplomatic.  But really its just a matter of thinking about what I'm going to say instead of the word vomit that happens in my vanilla life...lol



sublizzie -> RE: Playing Politics in Relationships (7/30/2007 5:09:50 AM)

I've always thought that using tact was a wise choice regardless of to whom I am talking. Whether speaking with a Dominant or a supervisor at work or the bagger at the grocery I try to be pleasant and use non-inflammatory terms. It just seems to work better that way.



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