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Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 7/30/2007 8:02:36 AM

ExquisiteFeline

Posts: 124
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i have just experienced a 48 hour scene with my play partner, during our whole relationship he has been the Dominant and i have eagerly been his sweet submissive. At some point it switched, at first i thought it was him, but as look back over the course of event i realize it was me, when i climbed onto his back and had my way. He took the opportunity to reveal his savaged 'pet' nature, he said he was very naughty, and likes being naughty, he wanted me to punish him hard and likes being scared of me. He asked me to choose a pet name, i found this a difficult challenge but the only thing i could relate his personality to was 'Lucifer' He liked this very much. It is a difficult challenge, to deal with such a Demonic essence, for sometime all i could do was leash him to the leg of the table and tie his wrists and ankles, then cover him with a blanket, while i took the opportunity to do some chores. Eventually i found a variety of Dominant natures in me, he pushed me to be Sadistic, and that energy came out, and even at some point it was difficult to control, he asked me if i thought men were evil and i wanted to invert, but found it easier to just take a more controlled nature of Teacher or 1900's Mistress. But when it became sexual, i had to call him back as my Master. i am finding more, in this relationship that i am wanting to be submissive, but i dont want to let him down, and want to entertain his submissive side, and i did enjoy the variety.
Am i being self indulgent by wanting the Dominant attention more and reaping the rewards? He really challenged me will i get better with practice?
Could this be a way that my Dom is 'getting to know' my personality better? A source of understanding the duality of my nature or his own, and the duality of our connection? Or could he be bored of my sweet submission of being such a good girl... should i be more bratty for punishment?
i am finding that the Dominant personality is far more revealing and exposing of ones psychology than being the submissive, and maybe i feel threatened by exposing myself like that.

< Message edited by ExquisiteFeline -- 7/30/2007 8:34:57 AM >

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 7/30/2007 8:13:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Don't make the mistake of thinking that because energy works one way with you dom/him sub that he will want that to transfer with him dom/you sub. They are different relationships you have formed together.

You've made a huge leap here, the worst thing to do now would be to freak out or make assumptions about anything. You enjoyed it, he enjoyed it. But you know you ALSO still want to enjoy the initial relationship you had. Those are all good things to know.

Now's the time to reflect, together. You had an intense experience together, now you need to follow up on that together.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 7/30/2007 10:14:52 AM

SnugasaBug

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Joined: 6/11/2007
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Don't make the mistake of adhereing to a label or a title. They are only a form of currency if you will, in the community to describe your "match possibility". You,_____ (insert your first name here) are _______. your partner __________(insert his first name) is __________. You had a wonderful experience, was it powerful? was it fun? Did it take your breathe away? Great, that is what it is about. Not making sure you conform to that currency title above.

As far as critiqueing, take your emotionality out of the equation, and look at it objectively like another persons' post. How would you advise? As in any play, take out what you did not like, and keep the rest. Don't dwell on the title Lucifer...ahh another title !

As of yet, I have yet to see a tombstone that states, " She stayed true to form for her label."
I would prefer the legacy of " I could be ANYTHING with her".

Snug

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 7/30/2007 4:20:27 PM

ExquisiteFeline

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Thanks, keeping the identity of the relationships seperate makes sense, i would gather that some ppl would feel more comfortable to play different roles with different ppl. i can handle it with him but, we can be anything together, our creative connection is limitless, and we sync to each others energy immediately, almost like we are psychically connected...
i am not into labels as such either in any context, i just got very comfortable with the submissive role, and i know how to keep him pleased, that there was the danger of me topping from below anyway, i have a stealthy psychology.
Yes, my abilities to objectify in process is usually better, and i am one who desires to share my advice. It was an intensive time... and we take some time apart after such intensity, something we both desire, a period of self reflection, cleansing, identifying our normal lives, and keeping true to the self first, this way we have more to give to each other. But communication is up most important, when we come together again.
Yes, please dont laugh at my lack of creativity on naming my 'pet,' he came as a huge surprise, i guess i will attune to the role better once i have a suitable name... something else to reflect upon.

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 7/30/2007 6:42:36 PM

Aine

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I've never really thought about it that way, but as always, I take heed of what LA puts forth.

It makes sense, but I have never been able to make anything of it make sense in my own mind. Now that I think about it, I do tend to keep the relationships separate within my relationship with JL.

It's two things, lived by two people, when the flow leans one way or the other, and I'm certainly learning to be more comfortable with it.

Enjoy what you've experienced, take some time to think about it, then talk about it.

Don't try to overthink things.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 7/30/2007 8:42:40 PM

ExquisiteFeline

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Anyone familiar with Charles Blackman? Australian artist.
Charles Blackman, Alice in Wonderland series, 1956-57.

Cat 2. "Alice closing up like a telescope."
"Here, Blackman responds to Alice's wish to change her shape... by squashing himself into a telescope and joining her upper half in a symbiotic relationship. With a knowing nod to Rimbaud, he creates a 'moment of illumination' in which their two mirrored beings metamorphose in an artitist collaboration. The White Rabbit, (Charles) becomes her eyes and the real Alice becomes his poetic psyche.
Thus, the cradle of the telescope becomes a distorting mirror framed by the loop of the chair on which Alice is sitting. But the heated face in the mirror is that of the artist... a duality that testifies to their single identity."
That the White rabbit is indeed his alter ego ..., the artist jammed between Alice and Rabbit is indeed collared, cuffed, fertile and ardent, bursting with creative force."
Smith, Geoffrey, 1969.

Ok i think i am getting it now. He has thrown the responsibility back onto me, he is not as responsive to my submission, just giving me over indulged pleasure... yesterday in my sweet submissive style, i stated we were breaking 2 of the deadly sins at the same time, 'gluttony' and 'lust.' After which we went into three hours of Tantra, appropriately indulging the senses more, until all desires are satisfied, this is decadence... Ahhh 'Decadent Movement,' hhmm Crowley.... oh... naked savaged demon...Neuburg..."Crowley laughingly, but tellingly, comments that his chela was thus transformed into "a demon that I had tamed and trained to serve me as a familiar spirit. This greatly enhanced my eminence."
Oh I am the embodiment of 'The Beast...' jeezus! Hard tasker... living up to The Beast is one hell of a difficult challenge.

http://www.press.uchicago.edu/Misc/Chicago/642011.html

< Message edited by ExquisiteFeline -- 7/30/2007 8:48:23 PM >

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Below every Good Man is a Dominant woman, willing to fall at his feet.

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 8/1/2007 5:27:15 PM

aparootsa

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Fully understanding the risks of suggesting such a preposterous idea, might I suggest shortening his pet name to . . . Lucy? On a more serious note, it would be helpful to understand more about what unexpressed behaviors lay nascent in both of your personalities. The extent of your contact and the contrast between your behavior with each other and with the world at large may be a good indicator of whether this is an every-now-and-then thing or something you could experiment with more frequently, or maybe it's something to be added to your standard interactions. Good news is, it's all about you (two). Put your heads together and see where you come out once you've got a good idea of your respective desires.

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 8/6/2007 1:51:59 AM

ExquisiteFeline

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Oh he is 'little faun-like one' now... yes i had a lot of trouble with that one. i was so on the spot, it was challenging to just switch like that in the middle of a scene, it was a challenge to just jump straight in a Dom role, when i always submit, choose too, and have been psychologically set up to submit for sometime.
There is no contract upon our relationship, we have been friends for sometime, and both exploring something exciting to us both. However he seems to like the switch more than i do, i prefer to submit, and him letting me Dom has changed it somewhat for me. When we started there was feeling of safety i had with him, yet there was always an element of unsureness, due to his angst and dominant personality. But now i feel 'too' safe, if you can get what i mean? i am craving a deeper, harder sense of Dominance, it is starting to feel a bit vanilla, and that somehow leaves me feeling empty and emotional in an irrational way. i need to know my place, in a psychological sense, it gives me a different sense of safety, clarity and independence. i sound like i am speaking inverted here, most people would wonder how being Dominated could make me feel independent, but it makes sense to me...
Switching with the same partner is difficult i have come to realize and likely best if it were kept for occasional 'scenes' or with different people.
i agree more communication would be helpful, we both are expressive people, with flamboyant personalities, that profess depth, and understanding of elements to reality that most people tend to blind themselves too. i am sure there is a lot more to who 'we' can be, there has been a great sense of freedom of being anything with each other. There could well be a lot more exploration in the right conditions.... time will tell...

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 8/6/2007 7:22:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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You both still sound like you're in a lot of flux. And amusingly you're sounding like the stereotypical woman who complains when she gets what she wants :)

Switching with the same partner may indeed be more difficult for some than for others. But the question that needs answering (eventually, not today) is whether it's RIGHT for YOUR relationship?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 8/6/2007 9:02:36 AM

Aine

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I still find it hard at times too, but seriously, if it works, LET IT.

Just go with the flow and don't think so much about it.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

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RE: Sweet submissive, Sadistic Dom - 8/6/2007 8:15:03 PM

ExquisiteFeline

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Hmmm maybe i am complaining, i am not sure if that is what i wanted, maybe, i did move above...but that is what i do, i am a challenging submissive. i will try to move above, during the unconscious flow, it takes firm dominance and discipline to keep me below, but that creates the dynamic, the energy, the challenge that stimulates my psyche.

It worked in that scene, and i am cool with it in that context, however the dynamic would have worked better if he became generally and immediately firmer on me. i need a close relationship with a consistent Dom, and then maybe i can Dom others, i think that is what will work for me. This person can not top me, physically yes, psychologically no, my self discipline, and psychological stealth is evidently stronger.

Apart from that there is a couple of integrity issues. i am deeply committed to values, anyone who lacks awareness, and commitment to values loses my interest very quickly, i am a judgmental person, i will accept that i am a snob, and wear it with grace :)

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