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PairOfDimes -> RE: Tips for a new master (7/30/2007 6:51:46 PM)
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Short lesson:
"active" is one thing--you can be the active person in the scene, the giver of sensation, etc., without actually being the one controlling the scene. Similarly, "passive" people don't have to be the submissives--they're just the ones being "done to". Foot worship, for example, involves one person sitting in a chair, passive (or lying on a bed, or whatever) and another person busily rubbing and kissing the feet, active. Often, the rubber is submissive and the sitter is dominant.
So, your boyfriend is saying that he's not crazy about being active all the time, I think. Sure, that's fine. Does he like being served--perhaps massaged, or otherwise fussed over? That's a service activity, and it would allow you to keep your submissive/dominant roles while letting him be pampered. A more sexual option: he could tie your hands--to a chest harness is my preference, although to your upper arms or behind your back would also work--and then lie back and request that you straddle and fuck him. Oral sex is lovely, too--and there's no reason that he has to get on top of you (although that's fun)--couldn't he lie back and accept the blowjob from you, perhaps throwing in a direction? Many submissives like being directed by their hair or necks when giving blowjobs, and that might help--again, bondage is also good. If you and he favor lying-down blowjobs, and you have difficulty supporting yourself to, er, piston up and down, without your arms, your wrists could be tied in front of you to one another, or to his thighs, or to your chest (this gives you elbows to use to move up and down). Behind the back works wonderfully for sitting-up blowjobs.
(Note: the above won't work very well if being "done to" is what gets you off, rather than taking direction and obeying--but that's a matter for a different thread, I guess.)
Setting up a scene? Like a sort of prefab scene? No, I don't know of a website like that--it would be fairly hard to do, anyway, because there are so many ways to do all the fun activities possible in scenes. Even when I start to think about first steps, I realize that *I* like bondage a great deal, so I typically make bondage happen early in the scene, but it's not a requirement for everyone, and I've done some fun scenes without bondage, too. Many people like to begin with rituals--kneeling, kissing hands, things like that--but then again, when you and your partner are mostly into sensations, and the dominant/submissive power roles don't matter to you, then those rituals don't happen--nor do they happen when you want to do rape fantasy or takedown scenes, or many other roleplays like doctor's office.
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