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Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 7/30/2007 8:52:15 PM

MstrssJenny

Posts: 16
Joined: 6/23/2007
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Hi, there! Well, first a bit of background on my existing situation...
I am a switch, submissive to my husband and no one else, ever. Together, we have a submissive girlfriend, who is mine directly, though truly ours in all the emotional senses of the relationship. We've been with her and living as a triad for nearly a year and a half. We are all very much in love in all directions, and her emotional well being has to be my utmost concern, now that we are considering adding another girl, as a domestic slave. She is fragile and so I feel we should not look to extend our poly relationship to another girl, as it would cause terrible unhappiness and insecurity in her, which I do not want. Also, poly for 3 is very difficult... complete communication, time enough for scening in all directions, etc. We also have an unmentionable, who is very loving and accepting of our girl and our lifestyle... I'm sure he could adjust to the poly growing, but I feel he would adjust far better at this juncture with us having a "room mate", "live in friend" "housekeeper" something of that ilk. So this is the crux of my concern.... the housegirl would sleep in a separate bedroom, not be considered part of the poly, not be loved in the romantic sense that us 3 share, and would receive most of her bdsm needs through punishments, but rarely would a truly sexual situation arise. She would just be the domestic slave for the household and that is it. She would be harshly treated, with expectations of perfection, and severe punishment for infractions. She would be highly sexually denied. So, to get to the point... is your opinions can this sort of arrangement work? I know it works with male subs, but I haven't ever heard of this arrangement for fem subs. Also, would this addition officially make this a stable? For myself, I'm not sure how to feel about that term. What drives a girl who would accept such a situation... what should I be sure to offer back to her? I have a separate profile for this purpose, if anyone would like to check it out and message me privately about what you think of it... Pics aren't approved yet, but they will be up soon. The profile name is NeedsHouseGirl. Thank you all fore your time-- Mstrss Jenny

< Message edited by MstrssJenny -- 7/30/2007 8:53:59 PM >

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 7/30/2007 9:17:50 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssJenny
So this is the crux of my concern.... the housegirl would sleep in a separate bedroom, not be considered part of the poly, not be loved in the romantic sense that us 3 share, and would receive most of her bdsm needs through punishments, but rarely would a truly sexual situation arise. She would just be the domestic slave for the household and that is it. She would be harshly treated, with expectations of perfection, and severe punishment for infractions. She would be highly sexually denied. So, to get to the point... is your opinions can this sort of arrangement work? I know it works with male subs, but I haven't ever heard of this arrangement for fem subs. Also, would this addition officially make this a stable? For myself, I'm not sure how to feel about that term. What drives a girl who would accept such a situation... what should I be sure to offer back to her?

I think what drives a girl who would accept such a situation is emotional masochism or a want to be treated as one of lesser status, which is known to be wanted by some subs. Also some slaves find spiritual gratification in serving and can do so without sexual release. I am unsure how easy it would be to find such a sub who would want to have this arrangement on an ongoing basis. What to offer back would depend on the individual--what pushes her buttons and makes her want to continue to do what you wish her to do. It would be equally helpful to know what deflates that motivation.

Here are some thoughts that come to mind.

The masochistic needs are one type of need. I see a need for affection and love (not sex, but validating contact) to be more fundamental. I am not sure about the odds for this arrangement to succeed as a long-term one unless this need is met elsewhere. This need could be addressed by allowing this person such outlets outside the house, or in a controlled, regulated manner.

I think it is important for such a sub to have healthy esteem and emotional strength to handle this experience. Otherwise I wonder if emotional injury would occur.

I have no thoughts about the terminology about stable and feel that matter is of little importance next to other matters that exist.

If your purpose is to enjoy sadism and dominance in addition to the household help, fair enough. If your purpose is to seek help with domestic chores and the sadism or D/s is thought of as a way to keep her interested to perform household duties, I think you might fare better to find a roommate who performs household duties in exchange for free boarding. I think the latter arrangement is less likely to create expectations beyond what you are willing to provide. Also, clear communication and expectation management would lessen the odds of such expectations.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 7/30/2007 9:25:08 PM >

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 7/31/2007 8:05:18 AM

earthycouple

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Of course it can work if you find someone willing to fit the bill. As long as you are up front and honest. Personally I think it will be a long search but you will find what you want if you really work towards it.

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 7/31/2007 1:50:32 PM

chuckra

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As a submissive i could not imagine living in such a relationship. my emotional needs are such that i require both the disciplined, high expectations along with the concerned, caring aspect. These two combined make for a healthy relationship to me. Honestly, i would be concerned about someone who could survive in such a one dimensional emotional state,

submissively, chuck

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 7/31/2007 5:19:10 PM

MstrssJenny

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Joined: 6/23/2007
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Well, upon reflection, I realized I really had not explained myself very well, either in my previous post or in my alternate profile. So I gave it some thought, and decided I should change the profile to be more correct to the situation as well as our expectations. Honestly, based on the way that I came off in both, I see why there were concerns. Please, feel free to check out my NeedsHouseGirl profile again, to view the changes, and comment if you would like. Thank you all for bringing some issues to my attention.-- MstrssJenny

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 7/31/2007 5:32:15 PM

PairOfDimes

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Yup, a friend of mine has a housegirl, and used to have a different housegirl, so this means that it's not wholly anomalous. I've never had a female domestic servant, but I've had boys. Neither of us, to my knowledge, has had our servants live with us.

What drives someone who wants (not would grudgingly accept, but *wants* a service-oriented relationship)? I think servants want to get positive feedback and appreciation; they're people pleasers, and like knowing that they've improved others' lives. Many thrive on appreciation. As Sea said, they might like to feel inferior or of lower status, but they want to feel useful. They might even specifically want a distant, somewhat indifferent relationship--although some servants like the intimacy that one used to see between a valet and the person he or she served.

Let me ask you something: do you get off on the idea of the "harsh treatment" or the punishment itself, or do you get off on the idea of receiving service and being pampered? Because they're two slightly different motivations in the service-recipient, and servants, too, can be motivated mostly by one or the other, and it's worth figuring out how your prospective housegirl is motivated and how you (and your partners, if applicable) are motivated when it comes to service. I've done both--I confess, I have a preference for the latter, but I can easily get myself into the former headspace--and servants chiefly into one really don't get much out of the other.

Yes, of course domestic service arrangements can work. It's unwise to regard them as forever arrangements, and I don't like the idea of moving directly to live-in.

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 7/31/2007 5:59:30 PM

PsyVamp

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I too am looking for a house boy/girl but they can't be a live in. There is just no room to put someone else up. My spoiled pet is already sharing my room and the UMs have the other two.
So far, I haven't met anyone who really fits the bill, seems most of the boys want to either replace my pet or have the play too sexual. Sooner or later, I'm bound to come across someone though, I haven't given up.
Good luck in your search!
Psy

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 8/1/2007 4:24:28 AM

MstrssJenny

Posts: 16
Joined: 6/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PairOfDimes

Yup, a friend of mine has a housegirl, and used to have a different housegirl, so this means that it's not wholly anomalous. I've never had a female domestic servant, but I've had boys. Neither of us, to my knowledge, has had our servants live with us.

What drives someone who wants (not would grudgingly accept, but *wants* a service-oriented relationship)? I think servants want to get positive feedback and appreciation; they're people pleasers, and like knowing that they've improved others' lives. Many thrive on appreciation. As Sea said, they might like to feel inferior or of lower status, but they want to feel useful. They might even specifically want a distant, somewhat indifferent relationship--although some servants like the intimacy that one used to see between a valet and the person he or she served.

Let me ask you something: do you get off on the idea of the "harsh treatment" or the punishment itself, or do you get off on the idea of receiving service and being pampered? Because they're two slightly different motivations in the service-recipient, and servants, too, can be motivated mostly by one or the other, and it's worth figuring out how your prospective housegirl is motivated and how you (and your partners, if applicable) are motivated when it comes to service. I've done both--I confess, I have a preference for the latter, but I can easily get myself into the former headspace--and servants chiefly into one really don't get much out of the other.

Yes, of course domestic service arrangements can work. It's unwise to regard them as forever arrangements, and I don't like the idea of moving directly to live-in.

You bring up some very interesting points, which I need to consider and discuss with my Master as well. I don't think I can answer your question right now... I really need to think about it more, though I will say that our sub girl is very very sensitive and delicate and therefore harsh treatment is not something that we do at all with her. She just would snap. Therefore, not all of my sadistic needs are being met with her... I'm not sure if they are for my Master. That very fact seems indicitive that I'm looking more for the harsh treatment aspect, though, by no means at the risk of the mental collapse of the slave involved. I suppose were I to find the right fit with someone who is simply service oriented, I would adjust my treatment of her accordingly. I don't like the idea of a direct move in either... we were sort of thinking of a trial run period first. Thank you for all your input! :) -- MstrssJenny

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RE: Considering a housegirl... this may be long. - 8/1/2007 4:27:44 AM

MstrssJenny

Posts: 16
Joined: 6/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

I too am looking for a house boy/girl but they can't be a live in. There is just no room to put someone else up. My spoiled pet is already sharing my room and the UMs have the other two.
So far, I haven't met anyone who really fits the bill, seems most of the boys want to either replace my pet or have the play too sexual. Sooner or later, I'm bound to come across someone though, I haven't given up.
Good luck in your search!
Psy

Thank you! Best of luck to you as well! Yes, our home is a bit crowded as well, but we technically have an extra bedroom, though you wouldn't know it, to look at it right now lol. -- MstrssJenny

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