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RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 7:13:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		So it sounds like he's got bad judgement with who to get into relationships with and then gets pouty when he actually has to work to make the relationship be healthy?

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 7:21:33 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		FR~

Did you ever consider, OP that you are the issue?  When it is all of those of which you come in contact, fault typically does not rest on everyone else.  I would venture to guess you need to look at refining either your needs/wants or your approach.


Edited to add: ahhh I see now I'm not the only one who thinks this....

< Message edited by earthycouple -- 7/31/2007 7:24:00 AM >

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 7:36:02 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Whatever problems and issues you have with women in vanilla life are in many ways amplified in bdsm.  People all too often thing entering a D/s relationship is a way of escaping those issues but it isn't.


Excellent point Michael.  Seems there are both men and women who can't find someone in the vanilla world, so they jump into BDSM, slap a comfy label(s) on themselves and think that it's like shopping at Walmart.  You just go down the aisle and pick what you want, or wait for someone to pick you.  And no work beyond that.



< Message edited by BRNaughtyAngel -- 7/31/2007 7:37:06 AM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 7:39:44 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Whatever problems and issues you have with women in vanilla life are in many ways amplified in bdsm.  People all too often thing entering a D/s relationship is a way of escaping those issues but it isn't.


Excellent point Michael.  Seems there are both men and women who can't find someone in the vanilla world, so they jump into BDSM, slap a comfy label(s) on themselves and think that it's like shopping at Walmart.  You just go down the aisle and pick what you want, or wait for someone to pick you.  And no work beyond that.




I'm kind of the opposite though. I've never really explored a vanilla relationship, but all of my relationships have been bdsm ones. I'm starting to think perhaps I need to start looking in a completely different place to see where I might fit, although I'm not sure I'm going to find it at Walmart.


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(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 7:46:31 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookingSwitch

i have been curious about Sub or Slaves know there place b/c honestly the ones i have meet either dont know it or just try and test it just to recive punishment or getting something they wanted in the first place. being a sub or slave im my opion is to serve your Mistress/Master and there is a pretty broad understand as to what a slave shold do and act like that why i dont understand when people have had "experience's" that they STILL rewuire alot of training. anyway that my rant


Allow me to say that most of us subs/slaves/switches do know our place in the scheme of things. We do realize that we want and desire to obey our owners and act accordingly. What seems to be forgotten in all of this is we sibs/slaves/switches are also human with human fallacies and can be defiant, fiesty,  etc on occasion. We will always have opinions which may contradict our owners. And yes we will sometimes be blatantly disobedient, this is human nature.

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(in reply to LookingSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 11:17:01 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		In your opinion a submissive's  reason to be in a power relationship is to serve. That's fine for you but that's not what my relationship is based on.

My relationship is based on emotional transparency. What he wants is the most vulnerable core of me safe in his hands. That has zero to do with who washes the dishes. So I'd be a rotten sub in a relationship with you. But you would be a rotten sub in a relationship with him since you would remain closed up and only do things, instead of opening yourself to emotional risk.

What a sub does or doesn't do depends on his or her relationship and on what they and their dominant want. The only people who can make sweeping generalizations about a relationship are the two people involved in it. That's all.

And my place is where he says it is, not where anybody else says. I submit to one only, that's the rule in my relationship.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 11:25:52 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Before I comment, I would actually want to know if this is a problem you are having realtime, or if your only experience is online? If your communication on this forum is any indication of how you communicate with your online contacts, it is no wonder they are not sure of what you expect. Its a game, to most, since online isnt really you controlling them. Ther eason I do not engage in realtime is becasue its not a matter of my controlling them, its a matter of them controlling themselves and me giving suggestions as to how it is done. Try some realtime. If you THEN have the same problem with disobedience and you are unable to command your submissives, you might wonder if its you and not them. Do they serve you the way you would serve another?

My boys know their place very well. Neither of them serve me the way you sem to think all subs and slaves should serve their Masters or Mistresses. They know what their places are, but none of them are taking commands nor are they running around at my online whim. I have a feeling if i tried to command either f my boys online that way, Id be laughed at. I kept Angel online for severa months and even then, knowing the control I did realistically have over him, Id not expect online commands to be default followed.  Id also not think delaying carrying one out, or having to skip something because real life wouldnt allow for it was being "disobedient". Until I was here all the time and he served me as I wished face to face, things are relative.  No matter how devoted someone is, real life does occasionally get in the way.

DV



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VampiresLair

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 11:42:15 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

well if we go the advert route on this side, please inform all the girls you know that I am looking for easy sex myself....it is just so much, well, easier.

Ron  


Will do Ronnie baby!  Maybe we need a forum just for easy sex? 


ooohoooh....can I join the "just for easy sex" forum? 

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(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 12:00:03 PM   
MistressCass


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		Think about the constant in all your relationships.   (I"ll spell it out for you......It's YOU)   Once you change you to what a sub/slave expects/wants/needs you will get what you want/desire/need.

Personally I Like a little brat in my sub.....gives me something to laugh at when the days get long....

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 1:19:53 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I know my place  even though i get a little bratty sometimes and Master reminds of my place*grins*.  The place i would like to be always is in his arms but that is not realastic.  My place is where Master wants it to be.   If you tried r/l you might have more luck. 

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MistressCass)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 1:20:09 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Im guessing the OP's "kneel bich" e-mails arent getting him the wanker matireal he wants so now he is throwing a hissy here that there are no real true slaves (he didnt say as much but this is what I get from his post)


ms

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 1:55:24 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookingSwitch

i have been curious about Sub or Slaves know there place b/c honestly the ones i have meet either dont know it or just try and test it just to recive punishment or getting something they wanted in the first place. being a sub or slave im my opion is to serve your Mistress/Master and there is a pretty broad understand as to what a slave shold do and act like that why i dont understand when people have had "experience's" that they STILL rewuire alot of training. anyway that my rant


You lack the tools necessary to communicate effectively in an online relationship which is why you are being misunderstood. Get out into the real work-a-day world of BDSM and perhaps you'll fair better.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

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(in reply to LookingSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 2:11:03 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I would say that for the most part slaves do know there place, although with every new Master comes new rules and expectations. All Master are different and it takes some time to get to know the one you're with. Don't get mad at a slave or sub because you have to remind them of the rules or that you dont like something. Punishment is there to help teach and enforce the rules you set. A slave/sub never stops learning and a Master/Dom never stops teaching. Dont expect to get a slave thats fully trained cause she/he will never be trained to your standards unless you train them.

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slave jodi

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 3:57:29 PM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		Ok - i am a bit confussed by threads like this - 'do subs know their place' - surely as a sub you are not expected to submit to every man that claims to be a Dom? and in my opinion - until you have decided to submit then you are equal in every way (i realise that even once you submit you are still equal - but the dynamic changes). for me i know that i am strong minded and will only submit to the right person - and that takes time. If i am with my Master then i will be submissive to him and only him. should i also be submissive to all other Doms?? I realise that they should be treated with respect (as you would anyone) but am i missing something - is there a whole set of behaviours i know nothing about?? Am i expected to behave submissivly always even around those that i have not chosen to submit to??   

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 10:01:35 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookingSwitch

i have been curious about Sub or Slaves know there place b/c honestly the ones i have meet either dont know it or just try and test it just to recive punishment or getting something they wanted in the first place. being a sub or slave im my opion is to serve your Mistress/Master and there is a pretty broad understand as to what a slave shold do and act like that why i dont understand when people have had "experience's" that they STILL rewuire alot of training. anyway that my rant


The way I see it, my place is where my Master says it is. Due to some transition in our household currently, that role is a little more fluid than usual, as I am many things to each person here.

As for why people still need a lot of training even after having experience, the answer is simple: because each Master or Dominant-type has their own ways of doing things, and each start of a relationship is a new one, regardless of what the slave has experienced in the past, they are starting over with a new person. So, the required training is to make sure that things are done the way the D-type wants them to be done, not just relying on what someone else has taught the s-type.

I have not really "tested" my role in any way that would lead to punishment: I have tested it by talking to my Master, by doing the best I can with the information I recieve, and by experiencing it every day.

Hope this helps.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to LookingSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 10:19:39 PM   
umisprite


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline 		By the time I become the submissive partner of a Ds relationship I know my place...because WE have decided where and what that place should be.

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(in reply to LookingSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 10:28:19 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn


I'm kind of the opposite though. I've never really explored a vanilla relationship, but all of my relationships have been bdsm ones. I'm starting to think perhaps I need to start looking in a completely different place to see where I might fit, although I'm not sure I'm going to find it at Walmart.



You clearly are not shopping at the right Walmart.

In response to the OP though, these kinds of posts actually make me ponder more why people generalize so much rather then why subs don't know their place. Usually the answer i come up with is that when i generalize it is usually because i want to blame all others but myself. Like others have said here, you are the constant. Yes there are some rude subs/slaves out there, there are also rude Doms and rude switches and rude vanillas and yes....even a few rude Walmart employees. If you are communicating with a large number of rude people then you might want to figure out what you are doing to continue this pattern. If its' not rudeness but lack of communication then i would focus on how to communicate better yourself then complaining about everyone around you. They may not be communicating well either but you are the only person you can fix. Just my friendly two cents.


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(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 10:28:45 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Babybass

Ok - i am a bit confussed by threads like this - 'do subs know their place' - surely as a sub you are not expected to submit to every man that claims to be a Dom? and in my opinion - until you have decided to submit then you are equal in every way (i realise that even once you submit you are still equal - but the dynamic changes). for me i know that i am strong minded and will only submit to the right person - and that takes time. If i am with my Master then i will be submissive to him and only him. should i also be submissive to all other Doms?? I realise that they should be treated with respect (as you would anyone) but am i missing something - is there a whole set of behaviours i know nothing about?? Am i expected to behave submissivly always even around those that i have not chosen to submit to??   


Well, yes, didn't you read the sub manual? Apparently 90% of all the "doms" who write me, at the first whiff of my sauciness or assertiveness or not wanting to answer a specific question, or, best of all, when I assert my self, however gently (and by the way, this is online communication never even getting to the phone let alone a meeting), they ALWAYS say the same thing.....ready? You are not a sub, you are topping from below, you don't know your place, you need to be beaten, you are not being respectful, blah blah blah.

I would venture to say that alot of Doms do not know their place when initally contacting someone. At least that is my experience.



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(in reply to Babybass)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Knowing your place - 7/31/2007 10:32:46 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

Knowing your place


i know my place...i just haven't found it yet


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(in reply to LookingSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 39
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