Advice (Full Version)

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heavyn -> Advice (7/31/2007 3:11:12 PM)

So I've been discussing this lifestyle a little bit with someone I am very close to.  He seems interested, if a bit confused, and wanted to know if I would send him some articles or something that could give him a good overview of what it means to be a dominant.  I'm not good at explaining things though, and I'm having trouble finding a good article or essay that would explain things clearly.  Does anyone know of any that might help?



MissAidan -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 3:33:55 PM)

Try castle realm for a good jumping off point.  I'd also recomend botht the Topping and Bottoming books for any new Dom.  There is the classis Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns.  Could also try finding munches in your area.  The ones I go to each month have been a huge help, and some times they offer classes.



CutieMouse -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 3:46:07 PM)

The New Topping Book and The Loving Dominant are both good starting places, IMO; either greenerypress.com or amazon.com should have them. I'd suggest taking most online reading with a grain of salt, and look at books with a "take what works and blow off the rest" attitude. Online foums such as this one tend to be decent-ish research material (literotica.com's BDSM boards have an archived library of topics, I've never bothered wandering by alt.com or bondage.com, although I believe they have message boards, as well... not 100% sure though); common sense says it would be best to lurk on message boards long enough to get a feel for those who appear to be well respected by the board (which usually translates to having their sh*t together).



PairOfDimes -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 4:23:47 PM)

The wonderful thing about all this is that there's absolutely no canon. We have a very, very general working definition, mostly useful in order to ascertain compatibility. That definition is something like "Dominant people accept authority and make (more) decisions in d/s relationships. Dominant people generally like running and directing things and getting their way." Tops, who don't have to be dominant, but who sometimes are (and dominants, too, don't have to be tops), are people who like giving sensation in playtime interactions--people who like giving spankings or tying people up.

Does that help?

If you want more kind of intro to BDSM reading, the Topping Book is a good choice, also the Lesbian SM Safety Manual (yes, even if you're not a woman who has sex with women). There are some good kinky blogs, too--I favor mistressmatisse.blogspot.com and ondominance.blogspot.com.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 5:22:26 PM)

DO you want to get into the kinky sex stuff, the service submission stuff, or both?

If it's the kinky stuff, then just make it a fun casual thing- suggest things like spanking you during sex doggy style, or blindfolding you.  Take a trip to the local kinky store and have fun together imagining different things and be sure to buy a toy- a bunny fur flogger can be a great way to start.

If it's the service submission stuff, suggest things like having him make you a weekly list of chores he would want you to do.  Then suggest ways of rewarding that are easy, simple, and fun for you both.

Mostly what you want to do at this point is make it easy and fun, and just get him to become comfortable with the IDEA of it all.  Once that happens, his own imagination can take over and you can get into the deeper side of it.  But once you have comfort with the concept, the rest will follow/



shyinini -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 5:27:53 PM)

Try www.submissiveloving.com



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 5:43:41 PM)

my advice to you is build a good foundation. Understand what path you and your partner want to take. there is no greater thing then a good loving relationship. learning the lifestyle together can be a very cool bonding process.. just take it slow. also keep in mind there are no experts in this lifestyle they all had to go through the same doors that everyone else did. what you read is their take or life experince. good luck on your journey may it be all you want



Elorin -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 6:04:29 PM)

I can't recommend any one essay on what it is to be a dominant, although I wish I could. I think that www.castlerealm.com certainly has some great resources, the King Dom section particularly. I also recommend www.thebrc.net
SubNation used to be a great BDSM website but the URL changed regularly and I'm not sure what it is right now.
www.thedomsview.com is also a good BDSM e-zine.
You might search for things like The Society of Janus or The Eulenspiegel Society or other BDSM organizations and see if their websites don't have good articles for you summarizing what a sub is and what a dom is.

~Ms. E



earthycouple -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 6:09:52 PM)

There are many many people on these forums with great experience and information to share.  If you and he are not ready to get out in public and head to munches....come hang out here.  Read the forums.  Someone said above me to take what makes sense and drop the rest. Amen, Sister.  You have take what you get, apply it to you, and make it happen.  Otherwise you will just become befuddled in all the words floating around. 

The best way to get going in my opinion is hitting your local munch.



Casie -> RE: Advice (7/31/2007 7:49:46 PM)

Buy him the book The loving Dominante



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