RE: Safewords and excuses

RE: Safewords and excuses (Full Version)

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MisPandora -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/1/2007 8:47:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan I have a scenario that I would like some input from others on. A male sub (non live-in) knows that part of his serving his Domme is weekly cleaning. The last time he did it, he half-assed it and left stains on the laundry that weren't there before. He is punished for this. When messeged regarding his coming over to clean the next week, he uses yellow, one of his safewords (as in green, yellow, red) and says that he has a splitting headache and has had a long day at work and asks if it can be put off for the weekend, when he knows full well that his cleaning is supposed to be done during the week. What would you do in this situation? We'd have a sit down about his abuse of a safe word. We'd discuss him being on probation. We'd also discuss my options to dismiss him if he doesn't get his shit together.

MisPandora -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/1/2007 8:49:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan Lol, my pleasure, I was glad to get rid of mine as well. Sadly, this kind of behavior was the norm with him. He has since been released, yes. Guess I was just starting to have guilt pangs (I can be too damn nice sometimes) and wanted to see what others would do in that situation. The only guilt to carry is that you allowed it to happen a second time! Ramp up the corrective action on unacceptable behaviors. A safe word isn't for him to use to get out of doing shit. It's for his physical or psychological protection from harm. It's not a "psych card" like the military used to give out so that asshole privates could get out of being yelled at by an officer!

DrPleasure -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/1/2007 9:10:14 PM)
Have sex with him. He'll want to come over more often. :)

PrincessinLatex -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/1/2007 9:45:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrPleasure Have sex with him. He'll want to come over more often. :) OMG! That tickled me![:D]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/1/2007 9:47:13 PM)
SOunds like a breakdown of communication and understanding of expectations. I am not prone to placing this all on the sub- what exactly did you do to train him and teach him good cleaning skills and communication of problems?

chiaThePet -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/1/2007 10:44:46 PM)
A safe word for laundry! When do i start?! Chores are chores, service should be done lovingly, or not at all. Mystress allowed the use of the safe word "tampon" during the physical surrender to Her requirements. It was clearly understood however, that a well used "tampon" was cause for dismissal. chia* (the pet)

BoiJen -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 1:35:17 AM)
Okay so here's how it works for me...who thinks safe words are pretty much only good for damage control...and I don't use them...it bugs me. I got limits. They're clear. However, they are flexable if it means bettering Her life. If I have to let a male plumber tounge my ass for a couple of hrs to get the plumbing fixed while we're in a crunch then I'ma do it. If it's for shits and giggles during play I'ma likely be a tad pissed but deal...thing is then She has to deal with the emotional reprecussions. That's the agreement. I can handle my shit if it's a better Her life kinda thing. I gotta have some help if it aint. And that's just me being clear about my needs. As for cleaning...hahahaha! She'da laughed at me and found some rather uncomfortable thing to make me do the cleaning in...like heels or something girly. blah to that! boi

naughtynick81 -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 2:06:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan I have a scenario that I would like some input from others on. A male sub (non live-in) knows that part of his serving his Domme is weekly cleaning. The last time he did it, he half-assed it and left stains on the laundry that weren't there before. He is punished for this. When messeged regarding his coming over to clean the next week, he uses yellow, one of his safewords (as in green, yellow, red) and says that he has a splitting headache and has had a long day at work and asks if it can be put off for the weekend, when he knows full well that his cleaning is supposed to be done during the week. What would you do in this situation? Hire a maid. You will get better service if you pay for it or if you actually give him some thing in return that qualifies the equal amount of hardship on his end.

BoiJen -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 7:43:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 Hire a maid. You will get better service if you pay for it or if you actually give him some thing in return that qualifies the equal amount of hardship on his end. I'm not normally a name caller but you're Retarded right? cuz Happy and Sleepy are hangin out at the bar.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 7:56:59 AM)
I don't think that's retarded at all. I find that if I simply want domestic service it's better done by people who aren't all emotionally tied up in my shit and where there's no spillover. I find that it "costs" more to have it done by "service slaves" -- having it done as an aspect of service by my personal slave is pie, but this isn't someone local to me at the moment. He'd get it right, someone who supposedly just comes around once in a while to clean is best paid.

BoiJen -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 7:59:25 AM)
But we're talking about someone who is local and just being manipulative. RT D/s and service not the online mess....and last I checked the dishes can get washed in tears...or so I'm told. Services like cleaning are not based on emotional value.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 8:22:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BoiJen But we're talking about someone who is local and just being manipulative. RT D/s and service not the online mess....and last I checked the dishes can get washed in tears...or so I'm told. Services like cleaning are not based on emotional value. No, they're not. But you know...I find that inevitably there's a little drift with someone who really insists it's "just about service to me" - I have become circumspect of the idea that anyone's that altruistic, and I'd much rather know what they want in return than having to sniff it out or find it out when they get sullen because I'm not giving it to them and ought to know. FWIW I'm talking about real time as well, just people who spend more time than ideal in different cities. I guess what I mean is that I agree "services like cleaning are not based in emotional value" - more like "should not necessarily be but often ARE" - which is where paying someone comes in, easier.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 8:32:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BoiJen But we're talking about someone who is local and just being manipulative. RT D/s and service not the online mess....and last I checked the dishes can get washed in tears...or so I'm told. Services like cleaning are not based on emotional value. We don't know that. Perhaps the dom isn't holding up to their expectations and the sub doesn't know how to respond properly and so acts out badly. Perhaps the dom isn't training properly and then placing the blame on the sub when it's not "right." While it certainly is possible that this is a case of a loser sub who is playing around, there are many other valid possibilities as well.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 10:10:08 AM)
I had one that did the same thing...every week a new excuse as to why he couldnt fulfill his duties. I give 3 chances after that you are gone with the wind...

MissAidan -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 10:30:27 AM)
Ok, now that I am awake,lol... I taught him from the start to come to me with any problem or concern or if he just needed someone to talk to. I made sure that he knew he could come to me, knew that I wanted open and honest lines of communication. He struggled with this, quite a bit, to the point the point where it was the other part of the reason for his release. With cleaning, it is something he enjoies! He is one of those slightly odd folk who actually like cleaning and vacuming and doing dishes and such. That I will never truely understand. His cleaning skills were top notch. Lack of communication on his part caused the eventual breakdown in the quality of his cleaning as well. It was note purely a service relationship either. There were play sessions, though no sexual activity envolved, there was training in areas he struggles with such as basic manners, and there was helping him find the courage to get out and meet people in the local community, something he confessed he didn't have the courage to do on his own. All I can say in hindsight is that I wish I had been able to see that he was decieving me every time he promised to communicate openly with me.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 10:38:19 AM)
o quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan Ok, now that I am awake,lol... I taught him from the start to come to me with any problem or concern or if he just needed someone to talk to. I made sure that he knew he could come to me, knew that I wanted open and honest lines of communication. He struggled with this, quite a bit, to the point the point where it was the other part of the reason for his release. With cleaning, it is something he enjoies! He is one of those slightly odd folk who actually like cleaning and vacuming and doing dishes and such. That I will never truely understand. His cleaning skills were top notch. Lack of communication on his part caused the eventual breakdown in the quality of his cleaning as well. It was note purely a service relationship either. There were play sessions, though no sexual activity envolved, there was training in areas he struggles with such as basic manners, and there was helping him find the courage to get out and meet people in the local community, something he confessed he didn't have the courage to do on his own. All I can say in hindsight is that I wish I had been able to see that he was decieving me every time he promised to communicate openly with me. Hindsight is always 20-20. I have learned from the past and will try to not repeat it.

MissAidan -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 10:46:13 AM)
Looking on the bright side, at least I've learned a lot from all this, and I can hope that he did to.

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 10:48:35 AM)
i think i have the ultimate excuse for "not" using a safe word...haven't been put in a situation where i needed to [:D]

MissAidan -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 10:55:26 AM)
Thats the best excuse for it! Guess you haven't been asked to do the dishes, huh, lol. :P

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Safewords and excuses (8/2/2007 10:56:46 AM)
that's what the dishwasher's for, Ma'am [sm=biggrin.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=mrpuffy.gif]

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