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Munches - 8/1/2007 5:45:19 PM   
heavyn


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		I keep hearing about munches, and I've heard they are a good way to get started if you're pretty unsure about things.  I was wondering if anyone can tell me what a typical munch would be like.  Is there a certain understood dress code, code of conduct, etc?  Basically, what should I know before I go to one, and what can I expect?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Munches - 8/1/2007 5:50:17 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		A quick search of the forums (Up by the log in button is one marked search) will give you volumes of advice on munches, a  quick google BDSM Munches would give you links to a myriad of sites that give you a good idea f what to expect and how to act.

It's a meal at a resturant with people with a similar interest, along with the various "vanillas" on staff and in the resturant, should guide you in behaviour and dress.

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Munches - 8/1/2007 6:29:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You can expect a bunch of people at a normal restaurant eating normal food acting normal.

With perhaps a few flourishes that signal "kinky" to anyone who happens to be looking for them.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1146066/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#1146642
munch munch munch?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1028367/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#1028597
munchies

http://www.collarchat.com/m_976040/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#976047
Advice on attending your first munch?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_833058/mpage_1/key_first%252Cmunch/tm.htm#833180
Munches

http://www.collarchat.com/m_438399/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#438658
Advice on a first munch

http://www.collarchat.com/m_133075/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#133214
munches

http://www.collarchat.com/m_123477/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#123520
munches and sloshes

http://www.collarchat.com/m_120380/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#120646
first munch...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_264730/mpage_1/key_munches/tm.htm#264747
normal reaction?


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Munches - 8/1/2007 6:59:49 PM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline 		At our munch, everybody just looks normal.  Half the time we don't even talk about kink, and anybody eavesdropping would probably think we were a bunch of Buffy/Firefly/Dr.Who nerds. Every munch is different.  Ours is primarily younger people due to the fact we are TNG. (It's an under thirty-five BDSM group...in a few different US cities.)  Good luck and have fun!

Daddy's ballerina.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Munches - 8/1/2007 7:06:32 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		Depends on the group.  If they don't specify a certain code of conduct, then just be polite. 

If they have a beef with you smiling, and saying please and thank you, and treating others how you would like to be treated, then that's their problem, not yours. 

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Munches - 8/1/2007 7:09:28 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		Munches typically happen at restaurants, coffee shops, or food courts. People get together and talk. Some of the people don't know any of the other participants, while others know many.

Many munches happen after ordinary working hours, and people come directly from the office dressed in work clothes. Other people work different hours and come dressed in casual clothes. Lots of people dress pretty normally--there's a little more black, and there's always that one guy who hasn't bathed in a week and whose shirt could stand on its own. Sometimes there are people who have a punky, gothic, alternative, or earthy/hippy style, especially in munches populated by people in their 20s and 30s.

People talk. Some people flirt, with varying degrees of skill. Often people don't talk about kink itself, although bad wordplay and jokes about kink are encouraged when discussing non-kinky topics. Non-kinky topics, aside from the obvious (the weather, the local sports team) include science fiction and polytheistic religion with more frequency than most gatherings.

Oh--kindly don't ask people what they do for a living or where exactly they live, and try to come up with a question other than that as an introductory question, seeing as those are regarded as quite acceptable topics at most similar gatherings.

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Munches - 8/2/2007 4:51:56 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Munches around here are as others have been pointing out. Be prepared for riveting and scintillating conversation on such risque topics as "how to get the weeds out of your yard when you don't like yardwork enough to work at it" and the eternal question "where should we go to dinner? I don't know...how about you? I don't care...well, it doesn't matter to me...and so on and so on." (we have one of our munches in a coffee shop and after that, different groups head to dinner at nearby restaurants). I've always found there's one or two men doing the typical "mmm... I've always wanted to meet you juliet - while trying to peer down my breasts" thing - I simply move to another table, another conversation. LOTS of laughter, LOTS of camaraderie, LOTS of pleasant conversation. There is usually some hushed words between friends about heading to so-and-so's house to play, but that isn't for everyone's ears.

In short, think of your time at a munch as if it's kind of a cocktail party - snippets of conversation here, snippets of conversation there, some people being friendly, some much preferring to just visit with their friends, some just coming into real life situations, some that have been here for years but everyone there being of somewhat like mind when it comes to bdsm.

And NO, when you walk into a restaurant/coffee shop/whereever your munch is being held, they do NOT emblazen your forehead with the letters BDSM. No one not involved will care one way or the other if you are heading to that big group in the back. (I say this because I distinctly remember being that self-conscious the first time I attended a munch...it was a scary thing to walk in the door, but not so scary at all once I was there.)


juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/2/2007 5:08:50 AM >

(in reply to PairOfDimes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Munches - 8/2/2007 5:55:03 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heavyn

I keep hearing about munches, and I've heard they are a good way to get started if you're pretty unsure about things. I was wondering if anyone can tell me what a typical munch would be like. Is there a certain understood dress code, code of conduct, etc? Basically, what should I know before I go to one, and what can I expect?


The only sure way to learn about any given munch is to contact the host (or hostess if you need to gender the word).

When I hosted the munch in NYC and in Bloomington I welcomed people emailing me at the munch's email address to ask me questions. Sure sometimes the "can I pick up babes there?' questions were annoying but then I'd get a good one about dress, expectations, any rules, things like that. That would signal a person I'd go out of my host way to welcome to the munch.

I'd welcome everyone who came -- offer to shake his/her hand, say "welcome to the munch", and try to sit a bit closer to them -- but someone who showed more maturity by asking about the dynamics of the group and not just potential sex partners got a bit of extra attention from me as well an personal introductions to regulars.

Another reason to do this is that munches do vary. In my experience most are just casual meal gatherings where folks talk. Other however have a topic of conversation or allow more fetish dress and some even have guest speakers or are pre-party gatherings. Some are specialized -- only male doms and female subs, only people over 21, only gay men, etc. These are only questions you can get answers to by researching the munch and talking to the host.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Munches - 8/2/2007 11:09:01 AM   
chey


Posts: 121
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		I was really scared the first time I went to a munch. I went alone because it was something I was doing for ME! I wanted to get out there and meet people. Like everyone else said, they were normal folks who looked like everyone else. Well....okay, maybe not normal? Point is, it was wonderful. I ate, had conversations both kink and vanilla and I made a whole lot of connections with some good people who are now my friends.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Munches - 8/2/2007 9:58:20 PM   
MystressPurring


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/17/2007
Status: offline 		Munches are a great place to meet like minded people in the Lifestyle. Its SS&C, regular dress as you would in the vanilla world, jeans, t shirts etc. Usually they meet in returants in a private room so that they can speak freely on any topic. The moderators of the munch group usually ask the other member of the group what topics they would like to discuss before meeting. Its a good way of finding out who is who, protocals, who is good with what equipment etc. Some that attend these munches are known in the BDSM community. Some are new people some are not. Its also a good way of finding out who is Safe to play with. Let's just face it people talk, and if someone is not safe the whole community is going to know it. If you are interested in learning certain fields ie canning, flogging, etc they will know who you could go to to ask for training on that specific item or equipment, even in training of subs.  I always recommend to new people to attend the munches until they feel more comfortable with the community. Then once they feel they are ready for the next step attend a club. I also recommend that they read several books, but I am not going into that since it is not part of the topic.

Sincerely
Ms Purring

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Munches - 8/2/2007 10:06:57 PM   
huendin


Posts: 40
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		It's ashame we don't have really any munches around here for younger people. Indiana seems to lack that.

(in reply to MystressPurring)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Munches - 8/2/2007 10:07:30 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Think of a group of people sitting at a restaurant or bar talking about knitting or surfing or french cooking, but instead, BDSM.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Munches - 8/3/2007 12:06:27 AM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Most people feel pretty silly after attending their first munch. They've built it up in their minds to be this huge, shake-in-your-shoes Big Deal, and it's just regular folks who happen to be seriously kinky behind closed doors. When you get there it may even be hard to figure out which table the kinksters are sitting at - I always say, look for the people having the best time!

:))
LH

< Message edited by LadyHeart -- 8/3/2007 12:07:10 AM >

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Munches - 8/3/2007 2:02:01 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		You may want to read "A Beginner's Guide to BDSM Munches"  by Jay Wiseman http://www.soj.org/articles/A%20Beginners%20Guide%20to%20BDSM%20Munches.htm

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to heavyn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Munches - 8/3/2007 6:32:28 AM   
chey


Posts: 121
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		huendin see if you have a TNG munch somewhere in the area. There have been other threads here giving links to web pages which will help you find munches close to you. I am not sure where I saw them though. Someone else may be able to help with that. TNG munches are for those under 35. You might like it.

(in reply to huendin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Munches - 8/3/2007 7:26:40 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: huendin

It's ashame we don't have really any munches around here for younger people. Indiana seems to lack that.


Join the Yahoo!group IndianaBDSM -- there are post about events around Indiana all the time. Most munches since the decay of Headspace though do draw people in their 30s plus.

Doesn't mean you can't go though unless you are under 21 and it meets in a bar. Meets in a bar, sorry, 21 is the lowest age you can be.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to huendin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Munches - 8/3/2007 7:53:51 AM   
substantialuuuu


Posts: 76
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		My first munch I played Chutes and Ladders with a friendly Domme.  Her and I are still friends.  It can be intimidating walking into that room the first time, but you won't regret it, what a relief to be able to communicate with people about your fears and desires without them thinking you're nuts.

_____________________________

It is with our passions as it is with fire and water, they are good servants, but poor masters.-----Aesop

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 17
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