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RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/2/2007 7:07:25 PM   
Mystique567


Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am a bit brash and bold so I do contact people if I am interested, or even if I have a question. I learned a long time ago that you will learn nothing, experience nothing, and not grow if you stand with your nose in the corner, not willing to put yourself out there. The worst that can happen is you get no response, the best is you will find the perfect match for you. In between is anything from a few conversations to the best of friends/mentor.

(in reply to KiandPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/2/2007 7:41:12 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I feel that you're getting roles and personality types mixed up. Dominant doesn't always mean aggressive and vice versa just like Dominant doesn't always mean sadist.

If you're not comfortable contacting, don't. If you want to, do. I prefer to be contacted...yet I'm not submissive.

Master Fire


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(in reply to curiousAngel40s)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/2/2007 7:47:06 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I recently started corresponding with someone who initially contacted me - but that doesn't mean I think it's weird for a female submissive (or a Domme) to do the contacting first, and some men seem to like it (I am a Switch, and this person is a male submissive).

There are some Doms here who say they'd not ever make a first contact, because they think it establishes the "wrong tone" for the  dynamic in any consequent relationship - because it makes them look like, from the outset, as if they are "chasing" someone. I disagree, but can see their point, if that's how it makes them feel.

Sometimes if they do feel this way, they mention it in their profiles (or make it known on the CM message boards) - probably because they are aware female subs are waiting for them to "make the first move".

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2007 7:52:58 PM >

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(in reply to KiandPhoenix)
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RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 9:17:01 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		Im a "hey, who ever realizes the other person is cute first" ought to start the conversation.....but then im just shallow that way.....

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 9:29:54 AM   
Dreamz423


Posts: 10
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline 		Well certainly it is a personal thing, but my own preference is to be contacted rather than me making the first move.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 10:00:44 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		As others have said, there is no 'should'.

Its a big ol world out there with many identifying as Dom or sub and chances are if you are sitting there hoping a certain person 'might' contact you, they maybe not even have noticed you. If they do and you get talking then MAYBE things might happen, but there is no maybe if they don't notice you..... contacting them is one way you just might catch their eye, get communication going and find out if there is potential and interest on both sides.

The young lady I am currently working toward taking things forward with was someone I'd decided had no interest after an initial intro some time ago.... but in that time she got to know more of Me through reading forums like this one and found she WAS interested. If she hadn't let Me know that she was seeing something there she was interested in I wouldn't have known. Once she'd let Me know then I've taken it from there but she made the effort in bringing My attention to the fact that there was something to look into. If she had sat there just hoping I'd send a second intro, she'd still be waiting because I never would have done.


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(in reply to curiousAngel40s)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 10:19:27 AM   
chey


Posts: 121
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		Even though I am not currently looking I still check out profiles. I am just curious about people in general and some of the profiles are really very good. I will often compliment them. Whether this is taken as a pick up or aggressive, I suppose does not really matter. Those who have taken the time to know me, know what I am really like.

If you are interested in someone I do not think you should be afraid to email them and say hello, as long as you are comfortable hitting the send button. Also as someone else said already, if you view their full profile they will be able to see it. Perhaps then if they are interested they will view you back and send you an email. Like Master Fire said, dominant does not have to equal aggressive, likewise submissive does not have to equal passive. Just be yourself!

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 5:32:21 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousAngel40s

I have thought that the Dominants should initiate contact.  That intitiating contact would seem to be aggressive and not submissive.... That just seems so wrong to me!  So now I am confused.

Is initiating aggessive and not proper, or is it expected if you are interested in a Dominant?


Greetings curious,
 
A lot is going to have to do with how the other person perceives it, no matter what. But I think there is a flaw in associating initiating contact with being aggressive.
 
At its most practical level, you can initiate, but that doesn't mean there will be any contact. If he's not interested, he can just ignore you. Then you've "initiated" nothing. You really don't have the power to aggress against him and force contact. If you think you like someone and wish he would notice you, you can always just confess this truth and beg of him his consideration with humility and respect. It would seem to me a very long stretch to characterize simple honesty as "aggressive".
 
Consider, too, that short of one of those romantic bolts of lightning turning up on cue and striking both of you at the same time, the most likely way you'll be contacted "first" is if he's contacting lots of other girls besides you.
 
Be well,
 
Kirata

 

< Message edited by Kirata -- 8/3/2007 6:00:34 PM >

(in reply to curiousAngel40s)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 11:22:22 PM   
suggababy23


Posts: 73
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		I don't have a preference. I don't mind being contacted nor do I mind inititating contact. I think Master Fire hit the nail on the head. It has alot to do with our personality types. I have a very bold personality but I am no where near being a Dominant. 

(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 11:24:14 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		i'm wondering...does throwing a pillow at a Dominant constitute initiating contact?

LOL


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/3/2007 11:59:54 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		My slave/wife contacted me first here on Collarme. I don't have a preference. I am just thankful that my slave didn't wait for me to contact her first. I may never have seen her profile.

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(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/4/2007 12:11:26 AM   
freex


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/20/2005
Status: offline 		Curious, I don't think there is a right answer to this. I personally do not initiate contact but rather make sure that when my sub/wife contacts them that my message is relayed. With so many people who are into playing game or pretending to have some sort of prior subs its hard to know the correct means to talk with every sub. We are all different and learn towards different initial perceptions on the first time or way we meet someone.

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(in reply to curiousAngel40s)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/4/2007 12:26:06 AM   
Honsoku


Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

Im a "hey, who ever realizes the other person is cute first" ought to start the conversation.....but then im just shallow that way.....


Seconded

If you wait for the other person to make contact, it may never happen.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Who "should" initiate? - 8/4/2007 9:36:48 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If you are only interested in men who take the risk of rejection by contacting you, then you aren't compatible with a man who is only interested in women who take the risk of immediate rejection by initiating contact.

In other words, there is no should that applies to everyone. It's just what you need and what they need, and whether or not you both have enough important needs in common.

For myself, I won't court rejection so I wasn't interested in any man that expected me to petition him, sight unseen, to be his. Especially as I couldn't see doing so to someone I had never met.

(in reply to KiandPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 34
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