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how much would you tell a newbie - 6/29/2005 6:26:21 PM   
dovemagic


Posts: 15
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		I have a friend who has expressed an interest in coming with me to the dungeon, however they have no hands on experience and not frame of reference except for the porn movies.

I have seen up to sone very hard edge play. So when they ask "what happens there, what do you do? How much do I tell him? If i start describing either bathroom sports or blood or needle play, he may never come; but they are just a mior part of our scene
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 6/29/2005 6:39:11 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For a totally clueless newbie, start out slow, talk about bondage, sensation, flogging. And remind them of the communication, negotiation that goes on as well as other precautionary measures like DMs.

Keep it light and humorous, tell them only one guy lost his limb and they were able to sew it back on, make jokes so that they can see that you are confident in what you say.

But over time, warn them of things they MIGHT see, some blood, some cutting, electricity, etc, but remind them that it's totally between the people doing it and that they don't have to watch if they don't want.

Reiterate that it's the people's choice to do what they want. If they can't wrap their minds around that, it's best they don't go public yet.

(in reply to dovemagic)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 6/29/2005 6:43:59 PM   
fourpeas


Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Keep it light and humorous, tell them only one guy lost his limb and they were able to sew it back on, make jokes so that they can see that you are confident in what you say.





LOL, ROTFL


(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 6/29/2005 6:49:35 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

For a totally clueless newbie, start out slow, talk about bondage, sensation, flogging. And remind them of the communication, negotiation that goes on as well as other precautionary measures like DMs.

Keep it light and humorous, tell them only one guy lost his limb and they were able to sew it back on, make jokes so that they can see that you are confident in what you say.

But over time, warn them of things they MIGHT see, some blood, some cutting, electricity, etc, but remind them that it's totally between the people doing it and that they don't have to watch if they don't want.

Reiterate that it's the people's choice to do what they want. If they can't wrap their minds around that, it's best they don't go public yet.



Yeah... what she said.

****Applauds Emerald****

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 6/29/2005 7:09:57 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have seen up to sone very hard edge play. So when they ask "what happens there, what do you do? How much do I tell him? If i start describing either bathroom sports or blood or needle play, he may never come; but they are just a mior part of our scene


You say people have many different fetishes and they live them out at the dungeon. Then answer any and all questions they pose while there.

(in reply to dovemagic)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 6/30/2005 3:47:32 AM   
MzBerlin


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline 		I'd have to agree with Gloria *again!* here.
Perhaps you could take the friend with you to the dungeon with the intention of NOT playing that evening and being a sort of guide to show them around, answer questions and socialize.
Perhaps you could purchase SM101 for the friend before the outing. It would give him/her a chance to peruse it and at least become familiar with different types of play in a realistic manner. I give that book to at least one person every two months. (Jay Wiseman should be sending ME a check!!) I have gotten nothing but positive feedback.
As Always
b

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(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 6/30/2005 7:35:24 AM   
Jayxkes


Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline 		Some good advice already.
In similar circumstances I like to chat positively about lots of the things they are likely to see, and how much they are enjoyed by all concerned.
I ask if they have any phobias, like needles, so that I can keep them away from any such activity. This tends to reassure that they will be safe and protected from anything likely to upset them. I try and get there early and show them around and discuss the various furniture and toys and how they are likely to be used.

Also be sure to emphasise that they will not be expected to do anything unless they choose to.

Basically, positive talk about the all possibilities.

Jay

(in reply to MzBerlin)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 6/30/2005 8:55:14 PM   
SadistDave


Posts: 801
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		You have found yourself in a position that has 1001 things that can go wrong, and only a very few positive endings are possible. Personally, I feel that being totally honest with your friend is your best bet. Humor is good, but only up to a point. Your friend really needs to know that the joking has some basis in fact.

Frankly, I would have to say that if you are unsure your friend is ready to become involved in the scene, then perhaps you should re-think exposing him to it on a large scale.

You should take some time to educate your friend through whatever means you have available to you. The more you can prepare him, the better off you'll both be when he is faced with a situation that he finds to be either exciting or disturbing. If your friend is unprepared, it could cost you your friendship, or worse.

Clubs and parties can wait until you are more comfortable in his ability to cope with what he may encounter.

-SD-

(in reply to Jayxkes)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 7/1/2005 6:53:54 AM   
Kiaban


Posts: 124
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline 		I personally think it would be a much idea to expose them to mild websites and articles and then perhaps more of a munch then a play party so they can get to know folks who play as individuals.
This of course depends on how naturally tolerant or "squishy' a person seems to be, but if you want to take the safest road to discovery , in my opinion this is it.
As well some books such as "different loving' can help people get a perspective of why some enjoy various kinks and if I remember correctly some sections of the book can be found online.
good luck
Kiaban

< Message edited by Kiaban -- 7/1/2005 6:56:33 AM >

(in reply to SadistDave)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 7/1/2005 8:46:16 AM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I think honesty would be the best policy here, but I would limit the information to being little chunks at a time.
Give the person a few books to read, answer their questions to the best of your ability. If they are interested in hearing more about different forms of edge play...well...tell them, explaining the whole "your kink is not my kink" philosophy.
When you finally take this person to a dungeon, let them know that they always have the right to walk away if they see something disturbing. Talk to them about what they saw...and remind them that they can pick and choose the activities in which they wish to participate.

~Thorns

_____________________________

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(in reply to dovemagic)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 7/2/2005 10:51:16 AM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		If this person is sincerely asking what happens there, then full discloure is the only honest response. Basing your answer, your level of disclosure, on whether you might scare them off is a sacrifice of their right to choose for you hopes.

Far better for you to be totlaly square, tell it like it is, and trust them to make up their own mind, then to hedge, and then have them see things that you should have discussed.

If I felt I couldn't tell someone the real deal - I'd feel they weren't ready to go to a dungeon.

(in reply to MrThorns)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 7/2/2005 4:16:50 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir
If I felt I couldn't tell someone the real deal - I'd feel they weren't ready to go to a dungeon.


I totally agree. I'd rather over prepare someone than not prepare them well enough. I do think the suggestion to go as a 'guide' for your friend is a good one. Don't play that night, just show them around and let them know that if at any time they want to leave to let you know and you're out the door.

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 7/2/2005 8:55:40 PM   
terah


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
Status: offline 		I always give people information such as who will you see their IE; the Owner ,a DM and what their role is in the dungeon, types of stations they might have there.Types of play. Sounds and gestures people make while in a scene. I also explain not all sensations is felt alike so we all don't react alike.(AGAIN ) Sounds may be scary. I also bring out a few of my toys so they can hear the sound of a flogger and whip and even ask them if they want to touch or feel any of them, a light senation.beating the fear of the unknown.

But foremost I tell anyone new, you have the right to leave and without notice but with respect to those in the scene.If they do leave it would be nice giving me a cue.. a hand shake would be nice..LOL and walk out the way you were brought in, and that we will meet when the scene is over.


< Message edited by terah -- 7/2/2005 9:00:32 PM >

(in reply to MsIncognito)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 7/3/2005 6:30:51 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Try taking them to a group meeting first. That was my first official taste in the lifestyle. They will meet people in their mainly vanilla clothes. The topics are not really that hardcore and there usually is little to no play, mainly discussion. As when I start talking to a sub, I go slow and basic and build from there. This is just my way. I have had several girlfriends who turned out to be kinky. We started slow and built upon each experience. I have been a sub to my girlfriends before, they were my Mistress. And we always switched from the first time I really started out until now.

I can tell you a very long story about the first 2 weeks of me really being introduced into BDSM when I was 18. It is interesting to say the least, and made me a more confident man.

But slow and easy can never really go wrong in introduction to BDSM. Too quickly, and there could be problems.

(in reply to terah)
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RE: how much would you tell a newbie - 7/4/2005 10:22:21 PM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I like to relate it as what is one person's ceiling is another person's floor....

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 15
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