RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/3/2007 8:35:35 PM)

I'll agree with you on that.

But the mere act of getting into a relationship is a selfish one.  It's a choice for the self to do something involving the self to become more of the self.



MadRabbit -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/3/2007 8:51:21 PM)

You started off really good. I liked where you were going with what you were saying.

It seems the real issue was more in miscommunication. It seems you were using ego as more in terms of arrogance and not in a psychological definition. The wounded ego of an arrogant man, delusional and irrational, unable to make a clear decision about what is best, but rather what keeps him from being wrong.

Not too bad of a tidbit of wisdom. A shame you screwed it all up by preaching and going off on tangents rather than staying focued on the point you were trying to orginally convey.




exogenous -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/4/2007 12:50:43 AM)

(fast reply)
 
Ego: (a) the enduring and conscious element that knows experience (b) the complete person comprising both body and soul. Now, what is so wrong with that?
 
Then there is egotism: conceit; self-importance. This could lead to a downfall of any type of relationship.
 
Also, self-esteem doesn’t necessarily equate to arrogance; it’s self-confidence and inner-strength and, to me, is an extremely attractive quality in a person. It can be subtle or it can be bold, but self-esteem is not a negative thing. I would not find it easy to have trust in someone who didn't have a healthy, positive ego, or self-esteem.
 
While we often idealize the concept of putting others before ourselves, the truth is that without the self, we have nothing to give to others.



interestingtimes -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/4/2007 1:24:12 AM)

self aware and full of ego, id say was a find indeed...im blessed as well..lol, 



ExSteelAgain -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/4/2007 4:24:28 AM)

I have a frigging superego that says id all don't matter.



Bobkgin -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/4/2007 5:29:57 AM)

We are already in relationships with one another, whether viewed through the spiritual lens or as a simple recognition that all elements in society influence to some degree all other elements.

The difference is whether we are passive partners or active partners.

You seem to be suggesting a selfless individual cannot be an active participant in a relationship. That the choice to participate must be a selfish one.

I'd disagree. The selfless decision looks to the benefits for others. If active participation in a relationship will benefit others, it is selfless to make that choice for that reason.

The bottom line is that selflessness works for me and those who have been in relationships with me.

If selfishness works for others I do not expect to change their minds.

But personally, I find two people loving each other enough to place the needs of the other ahead of their own much more satisfying than two people who are out to score whatever they can get from each other.

The selfish paradigm has always appeared to me to be get as much as you can for as little investment as possible.

It does not surprise me in the least so many marriages (and relationships) fail.

Were selfish ego such a boon for relationships, I'd expect the number of divorces to be significantly less.

Wouldn't you? (o.O)



Rover -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/4/2007 7:08:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Were selfish ego such a boon for relationships, I'd expect the number of divorces to be significantly less.

Wouldn't you? (o.O)


Do you have any documentation, study, or data to support this contention?  Or is it simply a WAG? 
 
John



AquaticSub -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/4/2007 8:07:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Were selfish ego such a boon for relationships, I'd expect the number of divorces to be significantly less.

Wouldn't you? (o.O)



No.

The bottom line is most people aren't meant to be together forever. Look at how many failed relationships your average person has before they get married. I think about a 50/50 shot of a successful marriage is perfectly reasonable. Besides, if memory serves correctly, it's arranged marriages who have the highest rate of succeeding and that it's the selfish desire to make a marriage work that actually builds the foundation.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/4/2007 8:35:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
But personally, I find two people loving each other enough to place the needs of the other ahead of their own much more satisfying than two people who are out to score whatever they can get from each other.

And I find that dangerously close to unhealthy behavior and what leads to abuse, neglect and lack of support.

Perhaps because I'm poly I understand that the best people for poly tend to be the ones who refuse to compromise what they need for THEMSELVES. 

What I have said since the beginning is that I think both must exist for healthy relationships and that one should feed into the other.  If both people are looking out for the best interests of eachother, then that will sometimes mean that the one person knows "OK I need all attention focused on ME now" and needs to know how to accept that.

A lot of subs have problems with that- they can't do that at all, they think it's too "selfish" to take any of their own needs into account even to the point of refusing to let another person do it.  So when the master tries to say "OK go do something you enjoy" they get confused, sometimes even angry and suggesting the dom is less than a dom- all because they can't be selfish even to the point of taking care of what needs to be taken care of within themselves.

Selfishness is not a bad thing, it's a very necessary thing.  As is selflessnes.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/5/2007 9:02:27 PM)

why is it  people have to over anylize and automatically put us in a class of subprimates. Who all the want to do is screw or be in a heard..What is wrong with you people.hello did the brain pilot light just shut off.. get over it. love is what makes the world a better place if two people want to be just one unit a cool mabe there is a real reason for it... the human mind is so vast that if you can not spend a whole lifetime learning and creating with one person .then huston you have a problem.. I see the point of ego.. nothing wrong of being proud of something you do well. it is when that ego causes you to be distructive in a unhealthy way. pride with out humilty =  chaos -- there are many types of ego you can have a ego about the person your with so in a nut shell let go of my ego



DarkWriter -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/6/2007 6:40:30 AM)

This goes for both Dom and Sub: Ego has a place in that it defines us, but not if it rules us. Maybe its my Zen talking, but I don't see ego as a particularly helpful thing when it comes to D/s activities. Both sides have to play their parts, focused on their partner and not themselves.



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