How to Find My Master

How to Find My Master (Full Version)

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submissive4u00 -> How to Find My Master (8/3/2007 3:54:27 PM)
I am new to this whole thing, and have been using this site and some others to seek potentional Doms to show me some new things. So what is the best way to find a compatible Dom? Where did you look for subs (so perhaps I can know where to be found)? Any advice on my search?

abda -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/3/2007 4:28:30 PM)
You finding a Master or him finding you takes time it doesn't happen overnight. You just joined this week so give it time. What about attending local events such as munches. Have you tried joining groups in your area?

Level -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/3/2007 4:58:24 PM)
Munches and joining a group can be helpful. Also, get to know yourself, and what you truly want in life. It'll make matching up a little easier, in the long run.

Babybass -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/3/2007 5:48:36 PM)
i met my Master completely by chance online - on skype!! i know that prob doesn't happen all that often - so prob the best advice is to get involved in the local community and realise that it is going to take time! you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!!

slaveish -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/3/2007 5:53:41 PM)
Apply your vanilla meet-o-meter to your BDSM one. No diff.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/3/2007 8:30:54 PM)
Don't. And by that I mean don't make a commitment, don't make someone "your dom" for at least 6 months. Date, meet, play, have fun. But don't commit.

SirDraco7 -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/3/2007 8:58:25 PM)
Well, First of all you need to know and understand yourself and what you seek and desire. Then, when you know that, you can move forward in looking for a Dom. Questions like.. does vanilla compatibility matter? Would you care about whatever music he may listen to? If he smokes? or if you smoke would you accept quitting if he wanted you too? Or does it not Matter? Does all that matters is what kind of Dom he is? how strict and stern he is? the activities he enjoys? Do you want him to be a friend and lover too? or just a Dom? Does age or distance Matter? Size? look? It all counts and is important in their own ways. So basically first think about and learn what you seek and desire. What would you like to see in a Dom? All that is the first and most important thing to consider. Doing so will save you a whole bunch of time. After that.. as others have said, take it slow and have fun. Get to know the dom and make sure you learn to trust them and that they are what you seek and desire before you commit too much. Just my stray thoughts for tonight. Hope they help.

julietsierra -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 2:41:53 AM)
Put yourself in places where dominants gather - munches, other bdsm events around your town or in a town/city near you. And then... don't look. Just go and enjoy yourself, relax, make friends, LIVE. Amazingly, when you can set aside the searching, someone invariably shows up - and you wonder why you never saw him before. juliet

Stephann -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 4:08:51 AM)
While I'll echo LA's 'don't' I'll reverse a part. Don't play, either. Watch others play. Don't let others suck you into playing, until you feel completely ready. There's nothing unsubmissive about refusing to be spanked by a man who's first name you can't remember. Do seek out lifestylers in your area, attend the meetings, attend the play parties, and make friends in the community. Get to know people who you feel match your interests. Don't be afraid to ask LOTS of questions. Anyone who says "Well, I can't tell you, I'd have to show you" is full of crap. If he can't tell you, he sure as hell can't show you. If he won't tell you, without laying hands on you (without you expressly inviting and desiring it) he's not going to be worth your time. You have nothing to prove as a submissive. They have a great deal to prove to you, as fellow human beings. Don't give the power to crop or cane you to someone that you wouldn't lend ten bucks to if you bumped into them at Wall Mart. After six months of this, you'll have a much better idea of what to expect, and no horror stories to share like so many newbies have. Stephan

SirEbonyPhoenix -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 6:08:08 AM)
Several other things to keep in mind is to first of all, see if you have some common interests (whether lifestyle or vanilla related) that you both share. And also, never meet someone in real time by yourself. One sure fire way to prevent this is by getting some information from his friends in terms of his level of experience, his character and if he has some excess baggage (emotionally, financially, etc.). And finally, and only if he offers it to you, do not accept a collar from him, which goes hand in hand with Lucky Albatross' suggestion of not making a committment to him for at least six month. Good luck to you!

julietsierra -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 6:28:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix And also, never meet someone in real time by yourself. Ok...now that's just a bit over the top. Sure, meet in a public place, but damn! what is someone supposed to do? Take mom along? I can see it now..."Hi this is my mom...she's here to supervise." Meeting someone in real time is meeting them. Have a little common sense. Come with your own mony, your own mode of transportation and a way of getting ourself away from someone that just doesn't work out (some people use safe calls, some don't). 3-5% of the population is said to engage in the way we live. One kook out of that simply does not a trend make. Statistically, I suppose, the opportunities of meeting someone you don't get along with are pretty high. Meeting a nut is significantly lower. Have some common sense and make a plan for youself that you can live with and be done with it. juliet

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 8:43:45 AM)
quote: And also, never meet someone in real time by yourself. I agree with Juliet. Don't meet someone by yourself IF you are not a competent functionining adult. If you are a functioning competent adult, then meet whoever you want.

SirEbonyPhoenix -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 11:05:19 AM)
Clarifcation: That's what I should have said. Certainly I would not suggest that one would have their parents accompanying them if they are a competant adult. But definitely meet them in a public place is the safe way to go. And to add to your suggestion, make sure when using a safe call, have a fully charged cell phone with you in case things get hinky.

Archer -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 11:18:54 AM)
I think the original "don't meet alone" was ment to mean, Don't meet them in a way where you are ALONE with them, hotel rooms, their home, your home, a private secluded spot. Somehow it has evolved into a don't meet without a dedicated chaperone, (which I agree is overkill)

Stephann -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 12:25:41 PM)
I'll also chime in; I don't ask for references. I consider myself a good judge of character, but a reference is only as good as the person referring. I'm unlikely to be given the reference of someone who thinks the other person is a complete psycho. Taking your time and not being afraid to ask questions is much more helpful. Stephan

shyinini -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 12:37:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissive4u00 I am new to this whole thing, and have been using this site and some others to seek potentional Doms to show me some new things. So what is the best way to find a compatible Dom? Where did you look for subs (so perhaps I can know where to be found)? Any advice on my search? I'd first as you, what are you looking for? Exploring your desires in bdsm? A top to have some fun with? A relationship? I did it in that order. But that is me and you are not me. I'd also add, you need to know what you want to experience (to show me some new things) before you decide what dom is gonna show you. I'd agree with the 6 months rule on relationshps. I hate munches, they are politcal, clicky and boring ....but that is my area and my view of them in my area (but I am NOT alone in this view). Sir's cumslut

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 12:56:42 PM)
~tongue in cheek~..umm..go to Borders bookstore, and see who is in the kinky section, and what they are looking at?..Tempting

Archer -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 1:49:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann I'll also chime in; I don't ask for references. I consider myself a good judge of character, but a reference is only as good as the person referring. I'm unlikely to be given the reference of someone who thinks the other person is a complete psycho. Taking your time and not being afraid to ask questions is much more helpful. Stephan On the other hand I do like and ask for references, knowing that the reference is likely to only give me a biased view, but my evaluation of who they chose and how there references talk and speak of the person tells me more than the reference person themselves.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 2:52:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I agree with Juliet. Don't meet someone by yourself IF you are not a competent functionining adult. If you are a functioning competent adult, then meet whoever you want. Sub/slaves are supposed to be functioning competent adults? Who made THAT rule? [8\|] I'm thinkin' I should start a thread about this misguided attempt to force us into reality! Stop it already! [;)]

OsideGirl -> RE: How to Find My Master (8/4/2007 3:14:49 PM)
Start by making a detailed list of the qualities that you're looking for. This means physical details, who he is, what is habits are, what the core values are (Politics, family, religion and morals), and how you want the role of Dominant fulfilled. Choose the 10 items on that list that are the most important to you. I also recommend making a similar list about yourself. You can't find what you're looking for until you know what you're looking for. And once you know, don't settle for someone that doesn't fit those top 10 items. ie: My top 10 were: He had to be single and looking for a committed relationship (This meant no girlfriends, no submissives, and not "seperated" unless that seperation could be verified) Nonsmoking No drugs Steady Employment A sense of honor and sticks by his word A love of animals A sense of humor Intelligent Sadistic, but not take himself too seriously Naturally Alpha If he didn't fit this ideal, I moved on.

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