Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How to Find My Master


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> How to Find My Master Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How to Find My Master - 8/3/2007 3:54:27 PM   
submissive4u00


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline 		I am new to this whole thing, and have been using this site and some others to seek potentional Doms to show me some new things. So what is the best way to find a compatible Dom? Where did you look for subs (so perhaps I can know where to be found)? Any advice on my search?

< Message edited by submissive4u00 -- 8/3/2007 3:55:10 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/3/2007 4:28:30 PM   
abda


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		You finding a Master or him finding you takes time it doesn't happen overnight. You just joined this week so give it time. What about attending local events such as munches. Have you tried joining groups in your area?

(in reply to submissive4u00)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/3/2007 4:58:24 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Munches and joining a group can be helpful.
 
Also, get to know yourself, and what you truly want in life. It'll make matching up a little easier, in the long run.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to abda)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/3/2007 5:48:36 PM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		i met my Master completely by chance online - on skype!! i know that prob doesn't happen all that often - so prob the best advice is to get involved in the local community and realise that it is going to take time! you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince!! 

(in reply to submissive4u00)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/3/2007 5:53:41 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Apply your vanilla meet-o-meter to your BDSM one. No diff.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Babybass)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/3/2007 8:30:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Don't.

And by that I mean don't make a commitment, don't make someone "your dom" for at least 6 months.

Date, meet, play, have fun.  But don't commit.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/3/2007 8:58:25 PM   
SirDraco7


Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		Well, First of all you need to know and understand yourself and what you seek and desire. 
Then, when you know that, you can move forward in looking for a Dom.

Questions like..  does vanilla compatibility matter?  Would you care about whatever music he may listen to?  If he smokes?  or if you smoke would you accept quitting if he wanted you too?  
Or does it not Matter?  Does all that matters is what kind of Dom he is?  how strict and stern he is?  the activities he enjoys?  Do you want him to be a friend and lover too?  or just a Dom?

Does age or distance Matter?  Size?  look?   It all counts and is important in their own ways.

So basically first think about and learn what you seek and desire. What would you like to see in a Dom?
All that is the first and most important thing to consider.  Doing so will save you a whole bunch of time.

After that..  as others have said, take it slow and have fun.  Get to know the dom and make sure you learn to trust them and that they are what you seek and desire before you commit too much.

Just my stray thoughts for tonight.  Hope they help.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 2:41:53 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Put yourself in places where dominants gather - munches, other bdsm events around your town or in a town/city near you. And then... don't look. Just go and enjoy yourself, relax, make friends, LIVE. Amazingly, when you can set aside the searching, someone invariably shows up - and you wonder why you never saw him before.

juliet

(in reply to SirDraco7)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 4:08:51 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		While I'll echo LA's 'don't' I'll reverse a part.

Don't play, either.  Watch others play.  Don't let others suck you into playing, until you feel completely ready.  There's nothing unsubmissive about refusing to be spanked by a man who's first name you can't remember.

Do seek out lifestylers in your area, attend the meetings, attend the play parties, and make friends in the community.  Get to know people who you feel match your interests.  Don't be afraid to ask LOTS of questions.  Anyone who says "Well, I can't tell you, I'd have to show you" is full of crap.  If he can't tell you, he sure as hell can't show you.  If he won't tell you, without laying hands on you (without you expressly inviting and desiring it) he's not going to be worth your time.

You have nothing to prove as a submissive.  They have a great deal to prove to you, as fellow human beings.  Don't give the power to crop or cane you to someone that you wouldn't lend ten bucks to if you bumped into them at Wall Mart.

After six months of this, you'll have a much better idea of what to expect, and no horror stories to share like so many newbies have.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 6:08:08 AM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		Several other things to keep in mind is to first of all, see if you have some common interests (whether lifestyle or vanilla related) that you both share. And also, never meet someone in real time by yourself. One sure fire way to prevent this is by getting some information from his friends in terms of his level of experience, his character and if he has some excess baggage (emotionally, financially, etc.). And finally, and only if he offers it to you, do not accept a collar from him, which goes hand in hand with Lucky Albatross' suggestion of not making a committment to him for at least six month. Good luck to you!

_____________________________

"If it takes one to know one, then you must be one."

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 6:28:25 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

 And also, never meet someone in real time by yourself.


Ok...now that's just a bit over the top. Sure, meet in a public place, but damn! what is someone supposed to do? Take mom along? I can see it now..."Hi this is my mom...she's here to supervise."

Meeting someone in real time is meeting them. Have a little common sense. Come with your own mony, your own mode of transportation and a way of getting ourself away from someone that just doesn't work out (some people use safe calls, some don't).

3-5% of the population is said to engage in the way we live. One kook out of that simply does not a trend make. Statistically, I suppose, the opportunities of meeting someone you don't get along with are pretty high. Meeting a nut is significantly lower. Have some common sense and make a plan for youself that you can live with and be done with it.

juliet




(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 8:43:45 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

And also, never meet someone in real time by yourself.

I agree with Juliet.

Don't meet someone by yourself IF you are not a competent functionining adult.  If you are a functioning competent adult, then meet whoever you want.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 11:05:19 AM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		Clarifcation: That's what I should have said. Certainly I would not suggest that one would have their parents accompanying them if they are a competant adult. But definitely meet them in a public place is the safe way to go. And to add to your suggestion, make sure when using a safe call, have a fully charged cell phone with you in case things get hinky.

_____________________________

"If it takes one to know one, then you must be one."

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 11:18:54 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think the original "don't meet alone" was ment to mean, Don't meet them in a way where you are ALONE with them, hotel rooms, their home, your home, a private secluded spot.
Somehow it has evolved into a don't meet without a dedicated chaperone, (which I agree is overkill)



(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 12:25:41 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I'll also chime in; I don't ask for references.  I consider myself a good judge of character, but a reference is only as good as the person referring.  I'm unlikely to be given the reference of someone who thinks the other person is a complete psycho.

Taking your time and not being afraid to ask questions is much more helpful.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 12:37:03 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissive4u00

I am new to this whole thing, and have been using this site and some others to seek potentional Doms to show me some new things. So what is the best way to find a compatible Dom? Where did you look for subs (so perhaps I can know where to be found)? Any advice on my search?



I'd first  as you, what are you looking for?
Exploring your desires in bdsm?
A top to have some fun with?
A relationship?
 
I did it in that order. But that is me and you are not me.
I'd also add, you need to know what you want to experience (to show me some new things) before you decide what dom is gonna show you.
 
I'd agree with the 6 months rule on relationshps.
I hate munches, they are politcal, clicky and boring ....but that is my area and my view of them in my area (but I am NOT alone in this view).
 
Sir's cumslut

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to submissive4u00)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 12:56:42 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		~tongue in cheek~..umm..go to Borders bookstore, and see who is in the kinky section, and what they are looking at?..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to submissive4u00)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 1:49:53 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I'll also chime in; I don't ask for references.  I consider myself a good judge of character, but a reference is only as good as the person referring.  I'm unlikely to be given the reference of someone who thinks the other person is a complete psycho.

Taking your time and not being afraid to ask questions is much more helpful.

Stephan



On the other hand I do like and ask for references, knowing that the reference is likely to only give me a biased view, but my evaluation of who they chose and how there  references talk and speak of the person tells me more than the reference person themselves.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 2:52:23 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I agree with Juliet.

Don't meet someone by yourself IF you are not a competent functionining adult.  If you are a functioning competent adult, then meet whoever you want.


Sub/slaves are supposed to be functioning competent adults?  Who made THAT rule?   

I'm thinkin' I should start a thread about this misguided attempt to force us into reality!  Stop it already!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How to Find My Master - 8/4/2007 3:14:49 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Start by making a detailed list of the qualities that you're looking for. This means physical details, who he is, what is habits are, what the core values are (Politics, family, religion and morals), and how you want the role of Dominant fulfilled. Choose the 10 items on that list that are the most important to you.

I also recommend making a similar list about yourself.

You can't find what you're looking for until you know what you're looking for. And once you know, don't settle for someone that doesn't fit those top 10 items.

ie: My top 10 were:

He had to be single and looking for a committed relationship (This meant no girlfriends, no submissives, and not "seperated" unless that seperation could be verified)

Nonsmoking

No drugs

Steady Employment

A sense of honor and sticks by his word

A love of animals

A sense of humor

Intelligent

Sadistic, but not take himself too seriously

Naturally Alpha

If he didn't fit this ideal, I moved on.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/4/2007 3:19:42 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> How to Find My Master Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.093