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Termyn8or -> RE: Question? (8/4/2007 8:20:04 AM)
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Man that is fucking heavy.
I have a question, are you bringing up the subject and she is what ? refusing to talk about it ? or does she claim you really did it ?
As a Father I think I would be more concerned about the daughter's grip on reality rather than extracting an empty apology. When someone truly apologizes for something it is because they want to, that they "feel" they should, that they know they wronged you.
And then you got this situation that is bent totally out of fucking shape, because you want to forgive an adult for something they did as a child. It seems your forgivness is already there, but you want something in the way of a confirmation from her. I can understand that, but you can't always get what you want.
And I don't even want to get into what the courts did. If you weren't convicted you should have all your rights, to see and interact with the children. Of course you're not a Terminator, but I'll tell you this much, as soon as the lawyers drained my pockets for the defense against this farce, I would immediately get more money and go to court to get custody, full time, non-joint custody of the children. She is an unfit Mother.
But of course our legal system doesn't think teaching kids to lie is bad. After all they do it all the time. What a shame.
If you are simply seeking an empty verbal apology, you are an ass, but I think it is something more. It has to do with reality and the kid's grasp of it. In that spirit I am with you. In that light I say this :
I use this on people in real life and it works. Withold yourself. Withold your affection, conversation, everything. Remember this is not to get an apology, this is to make her wake up and realize what she did. And also it is up to you to decide how important it is that she repent for something she did when she was eight. But then reality is reality.
And I also think that one must look inside one's self before going on to right others. If you have forgiven her, why do you need an apology ? I realize you probably spent ten or twenty grand defending the case, that your name was wrecked for a while, and I wonder if you even have credit to this day. These things are devastating, but you also have to realize that she didn't do it. Legal costs are caused by the government, and the whole damn thing got started by your ex. So keep that in mind.
You really know how to pick em, like a couple of friends of mine. You think you got a bad one ? I know one guy who's ex was connected, he was told there was a restraining order on him, then she filed on grounds of abandonment. There was no restraining order.
Anyway, perhaps cause and effect. "I'd buy you that car if I hadn't been ruined by a certain court case years ago" or something like that. As a Father I think you want your offspring to be well grounded in reality, and shit happened. This is part of both of your history.
And I think it is a damn shame that when you are exonerated they order you to have no contact. I would've told them to fuck off. But that's me.
Good luck whatever you decide.
T
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