RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (Full Version)

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FelinePersuasion -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/1/2005 12:24:19 AM)

The sperm ended up having to be washed and artifically inseminated, cause they were trying to get pregnant.


Have your friend try using condoms.



dixiedumpling -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/1/2005 7:55:25 AM)

I think it was the time I was with this guy who had had WAY too much to drink. He couldn't stay in the right place. Kept trying to drill a new hole on my right inner thigh. Then he threw up on the floor and I had to clean it up. Fun, fun.



RiotGirl -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/1/2005 9:08:35 AM)

This is hilarious! Loved the OP!!!!!!

Um worst sex ever.. had been dating a guy. Never um had gotten frisky with him before.. and well it went that way and he pulled it out.. um soft (or so i thought) and um... well it wasnt..

and my question was "YOU'RE DONE?" and i thought to myself.. i didnt even feel it! i was as nice as i could be.... later found out he was impetent (sp?) or atleast its what he said. But he was all of about 3 inches!

An ex boyfriend of mine.. was um exceedling large.. and i swear it was terrible terrible sex, i worried the whole time about internal bruising and the thing wouldnt even go in all the way. Ow

And i tried the sand thing.. yeah it blows. So my standards are.......... not to small, not too big, and not at the beach! (cos blankets dont help)



SweetDommes -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/1/2005 11:48:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
Have your friend try using condoms.


Yeah, she knows - she's making him work on his condom issues because it's just too painful for her otherwise.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/1/2005 4:13:10 PM)

quote:

let's just say a blanket outside on top of the snow in 15 degree weather is *not* conducive to much more than severe shrinkage I wonder which of us geniuses came up with that idea anyway!


We Canadians ;) The Canadian men I know are more resilient to shrinkage though ;)

- LA



FangsNfeet -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/1/2005 8:47:33 PM)

Yes I've had bad sex. However, Bad Sex has still been better than No Sex [;)]



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 12:04:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
Yes I've had bad sex. However, Bad Sex has still been better than No Sex [;)]

I have heard men say this, but I disagree... I'd rather go without than not have fun or be somewhat uncertain it'll be fun (so we'll talk about how it's going to go down first.. M



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 7:24:03 AM)

quote:

Yes I've had bad sex. However, Bad Sex has still been better than No Sex


See, a lot of men say that.... Scooter USED to say it..... not anymore. We had a submissive living with us,(actually it was a blob that lived in front of the computer screen most of the time) it was one of those "we met online" things.. well, I don't know how old the pics were that she sent us... but they were old. It was a learning experience, I'll give it that. We learned what questions to ask and to be VERY specific... like when a woman says she shaves daily.... make sure you ask WHERE??? (this one had to shave her FACE daily.. yes, she had more whiskers then Scooter) And when they tell you they have false teeth, we now ask... Do you wear them?? (No, she did not wear them, she just HAD them)... and as I said, her pics were nothing more then dreams of what she may have been at one time in her life... So Fangs... picture a large (and I'm being kind here) woman with a serious five o'clock shadow and pruned up lips from being toothless for too long coming at ya.... then picture her slobbering all over your jiggly parts and calling it a blow job? Scooter is all biker.... the crack of dawn makes him horny and he said no f*cking way to that again... now he will be the first to admit... oh yeah, doing without sex is better then that.

Jewel

PS... yes M... we have had an interesting life... lmao



LadyAngelika -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 7:37:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
Yes I've had bad sex. However, Bad Sex has still been better than No Sex [;)]

I have heard men say this, but I disagree... I'd rather go without than not have fun or be somewhat uncertain it'll be fun (so we'll talk about how it's going to go down first.. M



I disagree as well. Bad sex leaves me feeling empty and slightly depressed. My jack rabbit vibe however doesn't ;)

- LA



LadyAngelika -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 7:40:24 AM)

quote:

Scooter is all biker.... the crack of dawn makes him horny and he said no f*cking way to that again


No more eating breakfast while reading collarchat.com. ;)

- LA



FangsNfeet -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 8:21:26 AM)

I was just refering to all the sex I've had in my experience. I'm not speaking for every guy who has been laid. Hence the word "has" instead of "is"

For me, the worst sex I've had still felt pretty darn good.



sanita -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 9:32:43 AM)

ok, i am posting here, because i made a post in the faking orgasm thread, and brought this up. the only thing close to bad sex i have had was not all-out sex, but was really bad.

it was not the situation, it was not the physical attraction, it was the guy. he kissed like a giant-mouthed hoover. his mouth would cover mine completely, and he'd suck at my face. it hurt, when my lips were being sucked against the edges of his teeth. not biting, just flattened. and when i actually whimpered and cried out and backed away, he assumed it was passion, and pulled me tighter. finally, i managed to break the kiss and suggested we go in to dinner. he cheaped out at the restaurant (after i had driven 2 hours, and gotten a place to say to meet him) by using a buy-one-get-one-free coupon and offering to go dutch.

*sigh* i should have walked away then, but i thought maybe we could play a bit without kissing, and it would not be a total disaster. i kept reminding myself that he was charming and intelligent on the phone and when we first met before going to dinner. friends that mess around was not a wrong concept to me.

ok, let's just say i tried to avoid kissing by offering to do something i usually love doing. when someone who loves sucking cock as much as i do spits it out, because it tastes so bad (i don't think he showered very close to date-time), that is bad.

that's about when i shut down. amazingly, he did not seem to notice that i didn't even get into it, before stopping, spitting, and going to rinse my mouth out. he just tried to move on to other things.

me? i just remember literally hanging on to the waistband of my clothes until he gave up trying to get them off. that, and faking an orgasm while he was all over me (outside my clothes), in order to bring an end to the evening.

i feel a little torn, here, because he cannot defend himself. but to be fair, i did tell him nicely a couple of days later that i was just not clicking with him, and he hurt my mouth (in a bad way) when he kissed me. i didn't tell him he tasted bad/stale. i couldn't.

did not hear from him after that.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 12:46:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
See, a lot of men say that.... Scooter USED to say it..... not anymore. We had a submissive living with us,(actually it was a blob that lived in front of the computer screen most of the time) it was one of those "we met online" things.. well, I don't know how old the pics were that she sent us... but they were old. It was a learning experience, I'll give it that. We learned what questions to ask and to be VERY specific... like when a woman says she shaves daily.... make sure you ask WHERE??? (this one had to shave her FACE daily.. yes, she had more whiskers then Scooter) And when they tell you they have false teeth, we now ask... Do you wear them?? (No, she did not wear them, she just HAD them)...
Jewel
PS... yes M... we have had an interesting life... lmao

ROTFLL [sm=lol.gif][sm=lol.gif][sm=lol.gif], Making snorting noises... You're too funny, and probably too nice to not have sent her back as soon as you saw a different person (diffent by >5years oic).. M




kisshou -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 5:41:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

WEHENEVER I HAVE BAD SEX ITS ALWAYS THE BITCHES FAULT BECAUSE IM ALWAYS HARD AND LIKE THATS ALL THEY CAN EXPECT IS'NT IT?


why does L&M's alter ego posts always make me so horny!!!

<clears throat> back to the thread

the worst sex I ever had was with this really hot girl .

She was lovely eye candy but when I went for a taste, I tasted icky lotion (this was before Jessica Simpson's yummy candy flavored lotion).

While panting , moaning and certain noises are erotic...... sounding like a bad porno soundtrack isn't.

The next time I slept with her we showered first then had a guy join in and he gagged her, that solved the taste and noise problem *giggles*



Raphael -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 6:53:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

She was lovely eye candy but when I went for a taste, I tasted icky lotion (this was before Jessica Simpson's yummy candy flavored lotion).

While panting , moaning and certain noises are erotic...... sounding like a bad porno soundtrack isn't.


Dammit, I had repressed those memories perfectly, and now you make me remember.

*sighs and mutters*



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens (7/2/2005 7:06:47 PM)

quote:

ROTFLL , Making snorting noises... You're too funny, and probably too nice to not have sent her back as soon as you saw a different person (diffent by >5years oic).. M


Ok, I admit it, we let her and her daughter... (who, by the way, used out brand new $2000 kitchen table for a cutting board) stay for way to long, the two of them ate us out of house and home and when she did leave we did everything short of throw away the towels in the guest bathroom that she used, (I didn't know towels could smell that bad?) and had to take a shop vac to clean up the food particles around her computer area. We were happy enough to see her go that when she had another offer.. (ok, we aren't that nice, we didn't warn anyone...) from someone 3 states away, we didn't mess around with Greyhound... we drove her! Not a mistake we will ever make again........

Live and learn.

Jewel



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