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Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 2:22:50 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Another thread got me to thinking... never a good thing... I've seen threads about great scenes, great sex, embarrassing moments and romantic trists....... how about the WORST SEX you've ever had? You know, the one you set the standard by?

Mine... well, was having sex one night with my husband (not the one I have now, ok?) and I forgot we were having sex. No, my memory is NOT that bad, the sex was. About half way through I realized that I hadn't put away the left-overs from dinner (you know it's bad when you're thinking about cleaning the kitchen during) and I started to get up and go do it...... he stopped me, ask what I was doing... ummm, well, I told him I had to go put the left over spegetti up before I realized just how bad my timing was.

Jewel

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 2:46:44 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Oh dear... that is pretty bad.

I have a friend who stares up at the ceiling and wonders whether or not she should paint it another color.

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"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 3:43:25 PM   
sjacket


Posts: 152
Joined: 1/4/2004
Status: offline 		How about being vomited on? Talk about a mood killer...

Fortunately there was no spaghetti involved.

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 4:00:11 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have a friend who stares up at the ceiling and wonders whether or not she should paint it another color.


Isn't there a joke like that?

During sex,
- a slut says "faster, faster"
- a lover says "slower, slower"
- a wife says "beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige..."

Ha!

- LA

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 4:11:04 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

how about the WORST SEX you've ever had?


I have to say I have been fortunate in that I have rarely had bad sex, or at the very least have had to endure it. When I realise that I'm going over my to-do list while thumper is going at it, it's time for a trade-in.

There was this one time however, about 5 years ago, I was with this man, who upon getting to my house told me how much he had been craving all night to go down on me. So that's hot, right? He was a pretty good kisser so I figured that he would be good at this... well...

Wrong!! He was all over the place, inconsistent, and sloppy. Every now and then he'd hit a good spot so I'd moan a little to give him a hint and then he'd go somewhere else (hello!) and then he kept stoping to look at me and tell me how much he loved pleasuring me and I just grinned back.

Finally I started saying "yeah that's the spot!" and he looked up and said "relax chérie, just relax and let me do my thing". The urge to kick him in the head was very strong... but instead I performed my one and only faked orgasm... I mean it was that unpleasant!

- LA

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 5:04:16 PM   
Raphael


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		I've faked orgasm a couple of times because I wanted to go to sleep, I guess that's as bad as it's gotten for me.

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 5:46:10 PM   
Isolde


Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline 		I fell asleep during the act. I'd warmed him up for awhile with my mouth and then we switched to actual intercourse, in various positions. After about forty-five minutes of that, we switched to the missionary position and I fell asleep during. I was out for between twenty to thirty minutes, but he was still going at it when I came to. After another ten minutes or so I had to make him stop, it was just too uncomfortable. I still don't know if he realized I was asleep and didn't care or was just too focused on reaching the end and wasn't paying attention.

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 9:06:34 PM   
gretchen


Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Yes, it has happened to me.

My first time was in a public park. It was sooooo bad, I had a laughter attack in the middle of my..."3 minutes first experience"...
He stoped and demanded me to answer "what was so funny?"... Well, he was such a lousy lover, he never noticed that his member was out of my body the whole time. And, no, he wasn't a virgin. (Those poor women!).

I never had the courage of answer his question.


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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 9:13:24 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The most memorable worst experience was being on a date with a guy who talked forever about remodeling his kitchen EVEN as I straddled his hips and started taking off our clothes. He managed sex for about 5 minutes and then immediately launched into a long conversation about politics and then went on to talk about how I was too young to tie myself down as a slave yet.


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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 9:29:14 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		My worst sex experience wasn't my partner's fault. I normally cum quickly, often, and hard ... I always have, even with guys who were only 'so-so' in the talent area ... but this time, I had just started birth control for the first time, and it was NOT the right birth control for me. My hormones were entirely off, I was severely depressed, but I thought that if I could do something relatively normal for me, it would help ... so I decided to try having sex to see if it would bring me out of the depression (yeah, I know ... bad idea ... seemed like a good one at the time though) - it was with a guy that I had been seeing for awhile. Poor thing - it was a really bad experience for him, as it was his first time. I just couldn't cum - nothing he did worked, nothing I did worked ... and he knew my rep before-hand, so he figured that he was just lousy and should join a monestary or something.

And yes, after I came off of the birth control and got back to some semblance of normal, I did make it up to him ... repeatedly. But I'm sure that he still has issues over that first time.

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 9:29:16 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		WEHENEVER I HAVE BAD SEX ITS ALWAYS THE BITCHES FAULT BECAUSE IM ALWAYS HARD AND LIKE THATS ALL THEY CAN EXPECT IS'NT IT?

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 10:07:47 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I almost want to shoot myself after reading some of these responses...lol. How depressing! I've been trying to think of a story of my own to add, but the only thing I can think of happened when I was really young, and it wasn't really bad sex...let's just say a blanket outside on top of the snow in 15 degree weather is *not* conducive to much more than severe shrinkage I wonder which of us geniuses came up with that idea anyway!



f

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 10:20:15 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Oh lord, bad sex. ;)

My bad sex wasn't the fault of either my partner or I. My pink bits are, apparantly, -incredibly- sensative to lubricant. We'd been together for quite a few months, and never bothered with the stuff, but when I got on BC my hormones changed and we figured we'd give it a try.

So we got some astroglide and are figuring out exactly what we're supposed to do with it and start getting more serious.

And my bits start to burn.

I figured it was just friction or something and it'd sort it self out.

But it kept getting worse and worse and worse. Finally, I had to tell him to stop. I swear, I was just about crying from the way this stuff burned. We were at his place, with his roommates, so I had to scamper around trying to find my clothes before dashing off to the bathroom to shower. Of course, I couldn't actually get it all to go away. It sucked.

When I got back to the room, too, he was worried :) He thought he'd done something wrong. Poor boy.

We were -careful- with our experamentation after that.

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 10:27:31 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
was having sex one night with my husband (not the one I have now, ok?) and I forgot we were having sex. No, my memory is NOT that bad, the sex was. About half way through I realized that I hadn't put away the left-overs from dinner (you know it's bad when you're thinking about cleaning the kitchen during) and I started to get up and go do it...... he stopped me, ask what I was doing...
Jewel[/color]

Yikes, that sucks... I don't have a particular experience like that, but have had bad sex, where some poor bastard is trying all the moves he saw in some porno flick, accrobatics, coming too soon or too late, or he falls asleep way before I'm satisfied....
Yes, I've faked it; don't think I'll ever fake again, but I have been known to do a thing or 2 to avoid hurting a lover's feelings.. M

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 10:39:40 PM   
fillepink


Posts: 124
Status: offline 		<giggles at Lam..the only man i ever heard admit that such a thing as bad sex existed>..i thought men liked sex, no matter what..unless a prision sentence came later, LOL.

will NOT be all moody and discuss bad sex...but did once act out my "sex on the beach" fantasy. Mother of God. For awhile i thought i was permanently disabled. Sand is used to make sandpaper...follow me? It gets EVERYWHERE..and not a thing helps....you just have to wait for time to pass. In my case...about 3 months..no s**t. Beach blanket bingo, indeed. ROFL.

fillepink




Attachment (1)

< Message edited by fillepink -- 6/30/2005 10:42:28 PM >

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 11:00:52 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Sand is used to make sandpaper...follow me? It gets EVERYWHERE


Sand? How about poison oak? Had sex in the woods. Wasn't bad, but the next few days sure were!

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 11:24:13 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		That reminds me of the old episode of ER where Dr. Green and his girlfriend were being frisky in the woods. She didn't know what poison ivy looked like, made a wildflower bouquet including it, then gave him a hand job. Throughout the episode, they show him scratching at his groin discreetly.

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Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 11:43:15 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		How about the ER ep where the wife is alergic to sperm, so everytime her husband fucks her she has an alergic reaction, so one day carter has them do it at the hospital and they're fucking away making the gurny rock and knock and everybodies like what's that banging noise, and then suddenly she starts crying yesss yes oh god yes.

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 11:43:41 PM   
Raphael


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

I almost want to shoot myself after reading some of these responses...lol. How depressing! I've been trying to think of a story of my own to add, but the only thing I can think of happened when I was really young, and it wasn't really bad sex...let's just say a blanket outside on top of the snow in 15 degree weather is *not* conducive to much more than severe shrinkage I wonder which of us geniuses came up with that idea anyway!



f


I have to say, laying on a blanket outside in <15 degree weather is a part of one of my BEST memories, so I don't know what y'all did wrong, but...



< Message edited by Raphael -- 7/1/2005 1:08:02 AM >

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RE: Really bad sex... yes, it happens - 6/30/2005 11:55:45 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

How about the ER ep where the wife is alergic to sperm, so everytime her husband fucks her she has an alergic reaction, so one day carter has them do it at the hospital and they're fucking away making the gurny rock and knock and everybodies like what's that banging noise, and then suddenly she starts crying yesss yes oh god yes.


Holly and I actually have a friend with this problem. It's horrible, she is miserable any time that he cums inside her, and if he doesn't and it gets on her skin, well, at least she can sit comfortably if that happens - but it's still not pleasant.

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