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unbroken33 -> married subs (8/5/2007 10:17:15 AM)

Question to subs who are here and married.  Do you find yourself often judged by others you never approached just for being here?  If so, how have you dealt with it?



BitaTruble -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 10:20:52 AM)

Life's full of judgements. You're an adult, so deal with it as an adult. You can either let it get to you or fluff it off since those who don't think you should be here aren't going to be compatible with you anyway. Seriously, this is the Internet.. everything happens here.

Celeste



unbroken33 -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 10:50:30 AM)

True.  i guess that's what the ignore buttons are for.  Just hard to believe hearing it sometimes.  But when someone treats you like you have no business even being here and then tries to start something, how do you handle it?  i guess that's what i'm really asking because i'm currently going through it. 



adoracat -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 11:05:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbroken33

Question to subs who are here and married.  Do you find yourself often judged by others you never approached just for being here?  If so, how have you dealt with it?


perhaps by some, yes.  however, i know the true state of my marriage, and i know that i'm honest and honorable, so does he.  my deities demand it, and i obey.  so no, others people's opinons might sting for a bit, but they do no lasting damages.

Sir knows who and how i am, and he is pleased.  that's the bottom line.

kitten



velvetears -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 11:06:09 AM)

Just let them spout and make idiots of themselves and go about your business.  Does it really matter what a few pixels on a screen mean if what you do, and are comfortable with, is your business.... screw em.



BIllCT -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 11:13:00 AM)

some people will not divorce or split from the person they married due to financial reasons or due to personal reasons but they still wnat to be in BDSM or D/s and can't live without it. So, if you think because someone is married they can't continue in the lifestyles or have sex outside of their marriage that is crap.



velvetears -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 11:16:11 AM)

*hands Bill a fire retardant suit and runs for cover yelling... good luck*



adoracat -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 11:22:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

some people will not divorce or split from the person they married due to financial reasons or due to personal reasons but they still wnat to be in BDSM or D/s and can't live without it. So, if you think because someone is married they can't continue in the lifestyles or have sex outside of their marriage that is crap.



condense this down to "some people are always going to lie and cheat to get what htey want", and i'll agree with you.

thinking that all married people who seek outside relationships are cheaters isnt logical.

kitten, who isnt.



GhitaAmati -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 11:54:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbroken33

Question to subs who are here and married.  Do you find yourself often judged by others you never approached just for being here?  If so, how have you dealt with it?


Wait...is the OP asking about married subs who come here looking to find a Master other than her husband, or about subs who also happen to be married to their Master.

Cause Im here, and Im a married sub, and I dont think I get judged too much about being here..cept when I make smart assed comments and stuff, but thats to be expected I think.



MisPandora -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 12:00:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbroken33

True.  i guess that's what the ignore buttons are for.  Just hard to believe hearing it sometimes.  But when someone treats you like you have no business even being here and then tries to start something, how do you handle it?  i guess that's what i'm really asking because i'm currently going through it. 

In no way shape or form were you treated like you have no business being here.  And nothing was "started" -- an opinion was expressed and you didn't like it.  Perhaps some thicker skin might be in order if you're putting yourself out on the internet where your personal business IS public.



BitaTruble -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 12:01:00 PM)

quote:

But when someone treats you like you have no business even being here and then tries to start something, how do you handle it? 


that's what the ignore buttons are for. 

You already answered your own question.

Celeste



unbroken33 -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 1:53:48 PM)

So Celeste, that's how you'd handle it?

Thankyou velvetears, for helping me put it in perspective.

And GhitaAmati, i'm talking about those of us who are in 'vanilla' and still wish to serve outside of that, yet get folks that judge them--basically they make a post and someone reads their profile and then proceeds to start something over their status, or they apply to someone who doesn't state 'no married folk' and they get ripped a new on in their response.



BitaTruble -> RE: married subs (8/5/2007 1:57:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbroken33

So Celeste, that's how you'd handle it?



I have 70 people on my block list and virtually every post I read either educates me or entertains me (unless it's a first post by a dork in which case, I didn't know before they posted that I was supposed to block them!)  Does that answer the question? [8D]

Celeste



elsie -> RE: married subs (8/6/2007 3:41:29 PM)

 I have never been negatively approached about being married (currently separated) but have been asked if he was aware of what I do/am, if he was dom or sub, etc.  My reply has always been that he is aware and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I don't do the cheater thing, on my part or with potential partners.



chgosubmale -> RE: married subs (8/6/2007 6:00:15 PM)

I've found that so long as I am honest about it up front - which I am since it is in my profile - people deal with it a lot better.  Certainly it can be a deal breaker for some folks and I totally respect that.  But I haven't gotten any gratuitous abuse for it.




BalletBob -> RE: married subs (8/6/2007 6:41:48 PM)

I never had a pesonal attack on myself, but know what your talking about. I am married and lLOVE my wife. We will be married for 33 years this Nov. I just like being a Sub, and she doesn't want any parts of it. She also know she can trust me, and I am not in this for SEX. She even met MADAM a few times when we having sessions, and knew everything.

I have no idea why some people go out of their way, saying this is cheating and all that other stuff.

I usually just ignor them, but thanks for the info on the IGNOR BUTTON. I can't wait to try it out.....LMCLAO

Still having fun, (even without a Mistress for now), Sub BalletBob



bbwbutterfly -> RE: married subs (8/6/2007 7:03:20 PM)

I am married to my husband who is vanilla. I have had previous Doms and I have always been upfront and honest about my marriage to them and I have always kept my husband in the loop on things as well. With some people they are unable to share and that is ok, no hard feelings or anything. It is something that, in my opinion, cannot be jumped into or taken lightly. I have had people say some pretty rude things about me being married and wanting to be involved in D/s but I feel that that is between me, my husband and the Dom I am with. I also feel that it is very important that everyone meets so that any possible questions that may be raised can be answered directly from the person that it is being asked about. One other thing I always make sure is known that if at any point in time my husband feels I am neglecting him or my desire to be involved in D/s starts to cause problems in my marriage I will have to stop. My marriage is always first and that too can cause problems for some Dominants. It is sometimes very hard to be both but with the right one it can be very rewarding. Again in my opinion, honesty and even a little compromising from everyone is very important to make it work.



whipass -> RE: married subs (8/6/2007 7:20:45 PM)

I don't judge you at all. Well, except a naughty smart assed sub needs at least a good sound spanking regulary.



MHOO314 -> RE: married subs (8/6/2007 7:50:27 PM)

How would you handle it "out there"? Its no different, what do you care what people think?



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: married subs (8/7/2007 6:40:26 AM)

Anytime you put yourself out there, someone will be judgemental about it.  

Regarding the married issue - try for a moment to see the other perspective - that of  lifestyle Dommes who are constantly approached by married men to be their subs.  We're asked to accept part time submission (because if you're primary relationship is elsewhere, it's only ever going to be around THEIR schedule), we're asked (more often than not) to accept that the wife has no knowledge of their activities, we're asked to provide them with all of their fantasies (more often than not including sex), and we're expected essentially to stay in the background of their lives like we're a dirty little secret. 

We get offers like this on a daily basis.  Essentially what many of these men are looking for is a prodomme service (they show up, get their kink met, go home, little further commitment), but with out paying for it (because that would somehow not be "real" or "true" BDSM).  

It gets really really old, really really fast, to be expected to be a free fetish delivery service on someone else's schedule.  This isn't what the lifestyle is about for me.  If I want casual play (and it's VERY easy to find), it's much simpler to seek it from the unencumbered - much less complicated.

If it hurts your feelings too much to be seen in this light...ask yourself - what is different about YOU and YOUR situation, and how can you project that when you contact someone?



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