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KiandPhoenix -> RE: Master training??? (8/5/2007 7:11:02 PM)
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When I first started Phoenix had played a bit. She had several prior boyfriends who knew her interest and used it to make demands without taking on the responsibility. I was a bit different.
Month 1-2. I read everything I could on safety.
Month 3 I spent every evening in either a Barnes and Nobles or a Boarders bookstore. Not being the most rich person they let me read the book for free in a nice environment. I spent looking at general things. I also spent a lot of time looking at the BDSM checklist that I had found and had Phoenix fill out. That gave me some direction. Personally I loved “The Complete Topping Book”, and “The Complete Bottoming Book” the best. Then I looked into safety.
Month 4 I spent looking into more seriously the things that she enjoyed, and found online resources, as well as the local group(s) here, and began going to meetings. I saw some nice scenes. Learned a lot. Asked a lot of questions. Got some new ideas. Learned as much about safe play as possible.
Month 5+ Learned from the web. Learned from anything I could read. Most of all I learned from my sub.
I am a partner in a relationship that should bring her as much satisfaction as it does me. I learn what she desires, and most importantly why. She learns what I desire. We talk openly about what she feels about everything, and I listen. Now I have tailored my style to her, but I have not given up anything of me from doing it. We both bent a little, but not much bending was needed. We found each other because we were a good fit, and we were willing to fail. We have been through four versions of scrapping the way we did things and trying again. I now know a hundred times about things than she does, and she has been doing BDSM play for 10 years. With me it is the first time she is not just playing anymore.
There is ALWAYS so much to learn. I don’t know the first thing about a ton of stuff. So you have to be willing to keep at it until you no longer want to practice the lifestyle. I spend hours every day thinking or reading or finding boards and asking questions, or discussing the lifestyle. I do it because my lady is worth every moment. I say that because you have to know the reason you want to do it. She has brought out a side of me I had hidden. If I didn’t have a reason to keep learning, I am not sure I would. So I think first thing to find out is what is the drive behind you. What type of Top/Dom/Master do you want to be? Then just learn from everywhere. And before you play be sure you know your responsibility.
~Ki
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