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New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 10:02:32 AM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

Master has given me a new task of becoming more social. i am a very reserved person until i know someone. So, Master has had me go into the chat rooms and speak as soon as i enter, because i normally wouldn't do that. i would normally just watch what people say and may not speak for months. If i meet someone for the first time i usually wont speak unless spoken to. Master would like me to be able to start a conversation with strangers or her friends, but i cannot do that. i am actually a very outgoing person once i know someone.

Are there any of you out there that are very reserved and Master has helped you to come out of your shell? If so, what worked for you? Or maybe you have tried things on your own without the help of your Master?

-carolyn

Post #: 1

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 10:14:55 AM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

I am painfully shy. It used to be more of a problem both face to face and online, but even still I tend to stay back until I feel confident and secure in a setting (real or virtual). I feel awkward opening conversations (or starting threads

) and awkward during conversations and awkward ending conversations. It doesn't come naturally to me until I've known someone for awhile.

What first helped me was enrolling in an HIV/AIDS Educator course through the local Red Cross. I was a teen at the time, and interested in becoming a peer counsellor. It taught me how to speak in public, how to present information in a clear and understandable format, how to adopt a confident 'mask' that I could draw on when I needed to. It didn't make me any more comfortable in front of a crowd, or talking to a single person, but it did give me the ability to fake it convincingly and after awhile, I learned I had a passion for teaching. I went on to teach CPR, first aid, emergency response, lifeguarding, pet first aid and then eventually to build emergency response teams for large businesses, and to train instructors myself. I even worked as an EMT for awhile, and loved the feeling of providing something of real worth to the world, of serving in a greater way.

I've never figured out how not to feel awkward in a social setting but that never seemed to matter as much so long as I was able to learn how to hide the awkwardness and do something for other people.

Not to say you should rush out and sign up to become an instructor with the Red Cross. I know that's likely to be a painful step for someone with social anxiety. But taking a class in public speaking or something along those lines might help you learn some coping mechanisms if you find yourself in a situation where you do have to appear more confident than you truly feel.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 2

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 10:15:08 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney

Master has given me a new task of becoming more social. i am a very reserved person until i know someone. So, Master has had me go into the chat rooms and speak as soon as i enter, because i normally wouldn't do that. i would normally just watch what people say and may not speak for months. If i meet someone for the first time i usually wont speak unless spoken to. Master would like me to be able to start a conversation with strangers or her friends, but i cannot do that. i am actually a very outgoing person once i know someone.

Are there any of you out there that are very reserved and Master has helped you to come out of your shell? If so, what worked for you? Or maybe you have tried things on your own without the help of your Master?

-carolyn

ok. i'm not girl. duh. but when it comes to chat rooms? no. i have never found a chat room i'd give ya 10 cents for. it's why i only do msg boards.
but it's what HE wants, so i cannot say what is right or wrong.
good luck to you.
btw? i am a recluse. i hate to socialize.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 3

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 10:51:15 AM

Mylee

Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Oh yes, I'm very very shy, I've got a job that I am face to face with different people and I can have conversations, but the minute I leave work and I strip my public persona...oooh the shyness hits! Even just posting here makes me squirm. Everytime I get shy my Master nomally tells me something He loves about me, almost like having a cheerleader of my own whispering in my ear..maybe I should get him a set of pom poms?

~my'lee

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 4

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 10:52:51 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I've never frequented chat rooms on any sort of regular basis. Although I am the exact opposite. My dom has tried to push me inside a bit more. I'm a little too blunt for his taste on some areas.
So, my advice to you is...its only the internet you are annonymous. These people don't know you...nor do they know who you are. You can be yourself and nobody will care.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 5

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 11:01:24 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Learning to socialize is a LONG SLOW process which needs to be taken as such. First, focus on body language. How do you present yourself? What are you wearing? Watch yourself in the mirror a few minutes a day. HOw is your posture? How is your body etiquette? Become aware of your personal space and how it interacts with those around you.

Next, start at small gatherings. Go with a few friends to public areas and make it a point to make eye contact with others, smile, get small reactions.

After awhile you can go to larger events, force yourself to get to know one other person there who might be interesting. Everyone loves to talk about themselves if you give them the opportunity.

And again, take it slow and return to the basics when you get confused or upset. I'm NOT a social butterfly, I'm naturally shy. This is a fact which surprises many people these days, but it's been something I've taught myself to do and is something I continue to work on.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 6

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 11:12:19 AM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Learning to socialize is a LONG SLOW process which needs to be taken as such. First, focus on body language. How do you present yourself? What are you wearing? Watch yourself in the mirror a few minutes a day. HOw is your posture? How is your body etiquette? Become aware of your personal space and how it interacts with those around you.

Next, start at small gatherings. Go with a few friends to public areas and make it a point to make eye contact with others, smile, get small reactions.

After awhile you can go to larger events, force yourself to get to know one other person there who might be interesting. Everyone loves to talk about themselves if you give them the opportunity.

And again, take it slow and return to the basics when you get confused or upset. I'm NOT a social butterfly, I'm naturally shy. This is a fact which surprises many people these days, but it's been something I've taught myself to do and is something I continue to work on.

Actually i always speak if someone speaks to me first. i just have the problem of intiating conversations. i am always polite with people. i will say hi and smile to people i do not know. i just don't know how to jump in and introduce myself or jump in on a conversation.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 7

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 2:46:35 PM

dominmd

Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I am shy as the day is long. I can talk to people when doing business but, if I am interested in a girl (vanilla) then I have a most horrible time getting up the nerve to do something about it (definitely have this problem right now). I was very apprehensive about putting my pic up since I literally know so many people in my area. But as a very nice Mistress and others in a group I joined pointed out "If they are here that means they are just like you". At the munch I was reserved but people got me talking. And you know what, now I feel better.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 8

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 3:19:14 PM

softandshy

Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

Hmmm, i'd have to agree with you dominmd. It's a lot easier to speak when there's a definite topic, like work.

It's the small talk that i have trouble with. i did actually take a public speaking class also, and it helped me to speak when i am on topic. However, when things are free flowing, i tend to be quiet. i listen well, or at least actively, but i'm very happy to let others do the speaking.

Here's a small hiccup in the topic. i actually have more trouble speaking with someone i've already met once or twice than with a complete stranger. The reason for this is that i believe people keep a running list of all the idiotic things i've said. :) Or at any rate, that's what i believe when i'm nervous. And most of the strangers in my life have conveniently remained that way. :)

Online is easier for me than face-to-face. Hope it will be for you also, honey. Still i have to admit, it would not be easy for me either.

(in reply to dominmd)

Post #: 9

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 3:40:53 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Learning to socialize is a LONG SLOW process which needs to be taken as such. First, focus on body language. How do you present yourself? What are you wearing? Watch yourself in the mirror a few minutes a day. HOw is your posture? How is your body etiquette? Become aware of your personal space and how it interacts with those around you.

Next, start at small gatherings. Go with a few friends to public areas and make it a point to make eye contact with others, smile, get small reactions.

After awhile you can go to larger events, force yourself to get to know one other person there who might be interesting. Everyone loves to talk about themselves if you give them the opportunity.

And again, take it slow and return to the basics when you get confused or upset. I'm NOT a social butterfly, I'm naturally shy. This is a fact which surprises many people these days, but it's been something I've taught myself to do and is something I continue to work on.

Is this a prescription?

If it were, i'd be in a nut house.

....looking for the door out...for i read and responded to Emerald......

padded? dammit!!
handcuffed down? f**k it

......laying back......relaxing...breathing deep....soon this nightmare will be over.
*grabbing another klonopin AND the phone to call my therapist!

~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 10

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 6:40:42 PM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I am exactly how you described.

Master has helped me with this in many ways. First by his example, he is friendly , confident and outgoing.

He has introduced me to all the neighbors and all the people he works with.

He gives me encouragement and rewards me when I strike up conversations with others.

Instead of chat rooms , He has allowed me to post on the forums and email people.

He has taken me to a local munch meeting, which was so fun.

He has me work on expressing my feelings both orally and with the written word.

He encourages me to develop hobbies and other interests, to meet people and have things to discuss.

Thank you for posting this topic , it really hit home with me :)

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 11

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/1/2005 9:24:25 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

um im shy in real life but on the net words come freely to me. Im not afraid to argue or give my view point or anything. So I dont see why he told you to go online.

(in reply to kisshou)

Post #: 12

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/2/2005 5:37:47 AM

RandBcouple

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

It's taken me so many years to slowly come out of my shell. Since i met my Master, however, i find that i have become much more sociable and not as self conscious about interacting with others. i think some of it has to do with the fact that He's very sociable Himself, He brings that out in me too and i also have a much higher self esteem now than i ever did before, and i feel my shyness had lots to do with my own self confidence.

i started coming out of my shell a little when i began chatting online, so i can see how that will begin to help you. It's much easier to be open and carefree with what you say online than it is face to face with someone, but as you chat with others online you start realizing that you do have something worth saying, that other's might actually want to know more about you and that it's ok to let yourself be heard.

One thing i can't stand is the spot light, i just want to crumble up into a ball and hide whenever i am placed in any situation where i am the center of attention...but Master is completely opposite, which is one of the traits i just admire so much about Him, and it's suits us just fine since it's another area in which we complete eachother so well...if we go somewehre He is the one that get's all the attention and it takes loads of pressure off me, and by the same token it pleases Him to have that spot light for Himself...but i find that i am much more comfortable now in social settings than i ever have been before in my life.

i wish you the best of luck!

~hugs~
Babygirl

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 13

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/2/2005 7:58:29 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

i think to all that say i just need to get out there and socialize more is probably my best bet. i think it is more when i am around others and dont know what to talk about. If i go to a munch i may be more likely to speak before spoken too there because i will have questions.

Thanks all for your replies.

-carolyn

(in reply to RandBcouple)

Post #: 14

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/3/2005 10:39:20 AM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

i used to be very social, outgong and friendly to everyone but after being in abusive relationships and experiencing random acts of abuse as well, i became a hermit for about 10 years, then i met my Master.

he is understanding about why i am this way and he does encourage me to be more social.... im working on it.... chat rooms are a great way to work on this.....

today, i still like being a hermit.. over the past few years, i brought everything that i love to my house and now, i simply enjoy it... my Master encourages me to be more social but this causes me some distress so he doesn't require it...

in the future, im sure he will have us meeting other people for some fun, and i'm sure i'll be very shy at first.... as long as he's with me, i know i'll be ok.... it will quite a fun adventure..... *smile ~ z

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]

quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 15

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/3/2005 5:18:18 PM

esclava

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/1/2004
Status: offline

i think the trick is to continue to go to one room and get a feel for the regulars, perhaps befriend another sub/slave.. this may help overcome initial anxiety.

would he be willing to enter a room with you?

_____________________________

I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships.

(in reply to zaynab)

Post #: 16

RE: New Task...learning to socialize - 7/3/2005 8:46:14 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline

I always think of "We are together much stronger than we are alone"... use the strength of your Master and allow it to carry you. Or, you can always just view it as a task. that's what's helped me. :D

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 17

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