RE: Dom/Domme Romance

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RE: Dom/Domme Romance - 8/7/2007 2:39:53 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I agree with much of what Padriag said (as usual)

Does this mean I'm habit forming?

quote:

but disagree on one aspect, I don't think it HAS to be as equals, it has to be as partners, meaning you work together not against each other.

I think the difference is a matter of perspective. Reading your remarks about your relationship, you aren't equals, but then she's also submissive with you. Ava seems to be in a situation where neither is nor is going to be submissive to the other, and in that case I think they have to learn to view and respect each other as equals to avoid the constant power struggles. Taggard said something that I think demonstrates this very well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

When Elle and I first got together, I think she was really worried about that. She had never met a dominant man who wouldn't get his back up if she asked him to do something. Personally, I don't find dominance in refusing to do simple things for the lady I love (nor do I find submission in doing them either).

Sounds very much like what I was trying to get at. Neither is submitting or dominating (or attemting to) the other, they simply respect the other for who they are and work together... very much, as you said, a partnership.

quote:

Communication isn't talking or moving your lips, it is openly and deeply sharing which means making yourself vulnerable to your partner and trusting them with that vulnerability. Talking about the Mets isn't communicating, talking about your fear of losing power or appearing weak or whatever your issues are with him and the relationship, THAT is what real communication is all about.

Nicely put.

quote:

'course having a fuck buddy isn't bad either but having a partner, one who knows you deeply and intimately and whom you can trust with that, that is pricelss.

I agree, which is why I'm quite picky about those companions.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Dom/Domme Romance - 8/7/2007 4:01:01 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
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Just another vanilla couple? I don't know, I think you're at least a little queer if you're poly or in an open relationship and if you continue to participate in BDSM with others, particularly others of your own genders. Do you mean that it's vanilla insofar as it doesn't involve any inequal authority, d/s arrangements? Yeah, in that sense, it is vanilla--are you finding that problematic?

I've been in a relationship with a fellow dominant for a while now. It has not been without difficulties, nor has it been without many, many rewarding experiences. We both switched when we first got together, although that has lessened over time and we're now at a similar point to yours--neither of us really bottoms any longer, so we have essentially vanilla sex (with, I might add, separate mental fantasy reels), we co-top to enjoy BDSM together, and we enjoy one another's company in many other ways.

(in reply to goddessAVA)

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RE: Dom/Domme Romance - 8/8/2007 2:09:56 AM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

Just for the record, I think Padriag nailed it. The Mister and I have been married for nearly 6 years
and have a very happy marriage and have a blast together doing our favorite lifestyle related activities.
We enjoy each others company, see and treat each other as equals, and have a very exciting sex life,
which we freely admit is mostly vanilla. We even joke with our lifestyle friends about how vanilla our
life is, since we don't own a slave at this time.

Don't worry so much about the label. As long as you're both benefitting from the relationship, and arrangements
you make therein, regarding fulfilling both of your kinky desires, who cares? If you feel like it could grow into
something good, go for it. If you're not sure, talk with him about it and see where he stands. If he looks at you as a FB
only, and that's all you really have in common, no big deal. Make the best decision for you, and forget what others think.

Best Wishes,
MrsShadows

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Post #: 23