aMusingSubMerger
Posts: 6
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline
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Hi LOSTsub,
Warning: What you are about to read is my opinion based upon my own experience and that is all. Take what you like and leave the rest.
I felt lost, dazed and confused many times myself. I have been lead down many roads to seek answers and most of the time, it took sitting still and going within. There were times I did need someone to talk to so I could then make sense of what was going on inside of me.
I have found if you approach a Domme with respect, then if and when she has the time she may be able to answer your question. Just remember that there are many men on CM who have no respect and many of the Dommes on this site are inundated with a lot of e-mails from fakes. I am listed as a sub in my profile and yet, I get e-mails from sub men offering themselves to me. I check the who viewed me option only to find they have not viewed my profile and are just sending out a one line form letter. This is total disrespect . If a person has taken the time to write a profile then read it. It will answer many questions about what that person seeks and this will give one a big hint if there is even any common ground to begin communication.
The content of your question or questions may determine whether or not a particular Domme on CM is willing or even capable of answering. It may depend on level of experience not only in BDSM, but in the school of life as well.
As for Pro Dommes, and I speak from experience since I’ve seen many in the past, just because they are a Pro Domme doesn’t mean they have all of the answers. Some are quite knowledgeable and willing to help. Others, well, let’s just say they don’t have many answers. I had some wonderful experiences with Pro Dommes and again, a couple of not so wonderful experiences. Some Pro Dommes can be extremely arrogant and expect you to act like their slave once the session is over. I never went back to those.
Also, get as clear as you can about what you wish to ask. In some cases it may be a bit difficult in which case be honest about that and ask if you can run some ideas by someone, or even write in prose, or however you can get it out. I have been lucky in finding some kind souls who were willing to listen or read what I wrote so I could get clear about my feelings and not feel so alone. One of my greatest sources is a totally vanilla woman. She is my meditation coach and never judges me and one time I read her some graphic writings and asked her if she thought I was insane and she just smiled and said I was right on. It’s just energy flowing through me and I was fine and normal. I was too ashamed to share it with anyone on CM and after sharing it with her, and not being judged for it I realized I could share it with others.
When it comes to protocol, well, that’s a different matter. We each have our own niche in the the world of BDSM and I am one who does not fit well into the old school and heavy protocol. Thus I do not respond to any profile which indicates that person is of old school since I know we would not be a match. (Back to profile reading 101). I am clear about certain areas, and yet know that I am a work in progress and what may have seemed unpleasant or terrifying yesterday may be less so today. Who knows, it may even be pleasant. And what was pleasant yesterday may seem unpleasant today. Just remember respect, read profile and offer thanks and gratitude for the time offered. Maybe ROR would be better (Read, Offer thanks and Respect). That goes for anyone on this site, Domme/Dom subs or slaves. Everyone deserves respect.
Also, there are some kink friendly therapists if you find you need some counseling of some sort. I went to one years ago when I was deciding if I should come back to the world of BDSM. I had a bitter taste in my mouth from some not so ethical Dommes and had a very negative outlook on the scene in general. I learned that just because someone calls herself a Domme or a Mistress and talks about safety doesn’t mean she’ll practice it. So, always make sure you have a back-up when doing a scene with a new partner, whether that partner is a woman or a man. Also, just because you met them in a BDSM group that is founded upon safety and ethics doesn’t mean they’ll abide by those ethics and safety rules.
You are a precious being, as are we all, so have respect for yourself and those you come into contact with. If your intention is pure and honest then that will show and you will find some Dommes more than willing to help you out. And you can even get support from your fellow male subs. Also remember that if you don’t get a response right away it is nothing personal. They can be very busy and may not have the time to respond immediately.
I wish you the best in your journey and hope you get some answers to your questions.
I leave you with a couple of quotes from that wonderful philosopher, Groucho Marx: “A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.”
_____________________________
"Drink from the chalice of truth. And when you are full of it...you may speak." Donna in the movie The Truth
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RE: Dazed and Confused - 
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