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LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 9:03:48 AM)

this is just a place to exchange thoughts and ideas the world dose not end here.. I take a lot of heat. its fine what is funny when you meet them real time It is like a revalation or something.. life is karma like that. lol oh well. sometimes it is a control issue some feel they have an out let to speak and do things they would not normally do. I am the same online or offline. - the spelling stuff.. some times you just have to say what ever and move on



slaveish -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 11:39:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

this is just a place to exchange thoughts and ideas the world dose not end here.


Dammit. Now I'm going to have to change all the placards.



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 11:44:09 AM)

Heartfelt,

I'm not sure we can help either or even that we should try. I do think that most of those B) type statements are probably best left to stand on their own. If nothing else, they give a pretty clear indication on how someone feels on a given subject. That said, if and when I make a B) type statement, I am open to discussion on it that may change my mind and if I can be open to it, I have to believe that others can as well. Part of the reason I'm here is to learn something and if I already have all my B) statements down pat, I don't know that I'll be able to learn anything without examination of the possibilities.

Celeste



SimplyMichael -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 11:46:50 AM)

As some of you may notice, I do tend to point out in the most delicate way possible that saying "my way is the only way" is the less than preferred way of stating "doing x makes my cock hard/cunt wet".

I am also one to say if you can't handle me saying less than glowing things about you on the internet that perhaps exploring your darker side isn't something you are ready for.

I do my best to be open and honest about my issues to offset my tendency to pontificate but I get called on my shit by more than a few here and it keeps me honest.

I do my best to only lay into those who deserve it and I think for the most part I have called it reasonably well and on those times I haven't I have apologized in public and in private.

All in all I think Collarme is one of the more dynamic, open, honest, and wonderfully raw places of discussion and that is both online and in the real world.  Pretty high marks in my opinion.



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 11:48:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mefisto69

You can choose to respond as you wish. Polite, kind, mentoring, or all out fucktard. Yes, we ALL have to develop thicker skins because there will always be someone to take offense....even about a spanking, but - in the end, that's their problem. If they present as rude simply laugh in their face. After all, they don't know what they are missing. If their kink is not mine, I sometimes roll the eyes but seldom let it bother me. If the situation becomes extreme, the ignore button is your friend.


Oh, trust me I'm probably the strongest proponent of the ignore button on the site, but I don't necessarily think it should be used just because someone makes a B) type statement with which I disagree as those are personal to that individual and aren't being pushed into my own universe. What is said is more important to me than how it is said so if an A) statement is written but a B) statement is meant, I try to give someone the opportunity to ammend it before flaming or ignoring. Thanks for the input.

Celeste



sublizzie -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 11:50:25 AM)

~fr~

I work hard at being tactful and using "B" type statements. Since I have less experience than many here I try to remember that and word my answers accordingly. But I really appreciate what I read here, both the "A" statements and the "B" ones. They each teach me lessons that have helped me both in this side of my life and the other one. I see that as a very positive thing.

Just my thoughts.....



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 11:58:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

I think I understand you, that is DEEEP. ouch.

and no, I don't think (most) people are attempting to talk anyone out of their point of view. In general, I find most have quite logical points here. In areas and topics that are totally out-there, and a stubborn, set in my ways gal, I often think 'why can't they just think like me dammit and nobody will get hurt' lol.  Others, fortunately are way more patient.  I try not to A anyone, I hope I am a B. If I want to be an A, I stop myself. because that would make me a C. lol, not using that word.

k forget it, this is too deep for me, and you already saved my a$$ from two dead threads today, I can't think anymore.  Now the three braincells I have left today itch. lol 


Too late! You've made some very valid points and I think they should be addressed. I'll upload you some Gold Bond powder for the itching. [:D]

You said that most people don't try to talk others out of their point of view and I can agree with that to a certain extent.. until it gets into areas of controversy. Take any thread regarding 'limit's'. How often do we see A) statements abound in those threads with absolutely no possibility that 'no limits' exist for anyone else. When someone chimes in with a B) type statement for themselves, they are bombarded with A) responses no matter how logical, clear or seemingly resolute the B) might convey their views on the subject.

The other issue you brought up is the "why can't everyone just think like me!" Well, yeah! That would be great.. only it needs to be 'me' cuz I'm so smart and stuff, yanno? ::laughs:: Okay, seriously, the exact same thought does go through my head sometimes. I mean, I'm in a long term relationship that actually started as D/s and not vanilla. I've got my shit together, I've had a lot of different experiences in scads of different venues from North to South and East to West across the country. Couple that with having a D/s relationship that actually works and has been working for the better part of 12 years and I have to wonder.. why the hell isn't everyone doing what I tell them since I know what the hell I'm doing! I really have to stop and reflect that what I'm doing is absolutely working for me.. but no way is going to work for everyone else, so I smile, give my thoughts on a given subject then, generally, let it go.

It was a learned response. ::chuckles::

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:05:50 PM)

::snipped for brevity::

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

No one person can possibly shoulder the burden of trying to help everyone be the best person they can be.  In a social setting, people of like mind will gravitate towards each other; two people who don't care to bathe will likely end up talking to each other; if for no reason than nobody else will.  These lessons are harsh.  So're income taxes.

Stephan


 
You make some excellent points (as usual) Stephan, but Himself often tells me that I have to quit trying to save the world all by myself and my response to that is.. If I don't try, who will? ::grins:: That said, I'm a realist and I only try so much before I consider the effort futile and move on.
 
Celeste
 
 



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:08:11 PM)

Heartcream,

I think that's a great attitude!

FYI:

wiitid = what it is that I do.

wiitwd = what it is that we do.


Thanks for the input! I enjoyed reading your post.

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:11:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

What we do is ask questions and wait to see the responses and discuss with people.
We should also understand that we can't do anything and that everyone is responsible for themselves.
 
We all have our insecurities.  Michael posted a fab post opening a part of his soul and showing that we do.
But how we deal with those insecurities is our own responsibility - how we process information is personal responsibility -  and it doesn't matter how much of a 'community' we are.  It still comes down to the self.
 
Peace
the.dark.

 
Michael's post along with a couple of One True Way threads is what prompted this thread. I agree - it was a wonderfully honest view into Michael's brain. It's squishy and warm in there and I'm so glad I'm able to appreciate the glimpse's he shares with the rest of us.
 
Thank you .dark. for your thoughts. I tend to agree with them but that shouldn't surprise you! [;)]
 
Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:17:23 PM)

Thank you, Cyntilating, for the comments and the compliment. :)

I've been a strong advocate of tolerance for a very long time and I'm equally secure in my own place in the universe and don't want anyone stepping on my toes with 'their' ways. At the same time, I believe what I believe and don't think it's necessary to remain silent on my beliefs. Maybe a bit of a slippery slope at times .. IE the thread in Off-topic about the freedom of speech and what is considered a socially unacceptable website and the repercussions of the state mandating thought. But, I'll go there to address that thread. I don't want to highjack this one! ::laughs::

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:21:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

One other point, though. I've seen lots of times when someone posts something that is naive (a good example is the ice cream cone sub who has just come on board and says "where are all the Dommes?") and everyone just piles on him or else they say "oy vey, I am standing back to watch the coming conflagration". In this case, it's always lovely when an experienced person steps in and explains the landscape a bit.

Smythe





I agree and I do try to steer folks in a direction which can help lead them to thoughtful posting rather than a series of whine. I also have no problem with pointing out things in a profile (if I'm asked) that may be part of the dilema they have in finding a partner. My helpful advice is not always welcome though, even when it's asked for by a specific request! ::laughs:: Such is life, eh?

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:23:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55

I don't try to convince people of anything.  Left that behind long ago.  My intent is to share my own experience.  Sometimes as a juxtaposition.  Someone can take from that what they will.  I think differing experiences and points of view are really useful in that the encourage IMO people to seek their own answers, to understand that for many things there are no absolutes.  And with that I think there is a freedom.


I find this to be wise counsel and do, firmly, believe it would lead to a lot less ulcers from reading message boards. [:)]

Thank you for the input!

Celeste



BitaTruble -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:28:26 PM)

::snipped for brevity::

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

AND the anonymity of the Internet. What a wonderful tool for aggression that wouldn't usually be present in a face-to-face conversation. This aggression, of course, can be caused by all of the above, or it can be a matter of someone powerless realizing he or she can be a big scary barking dog online. Anonymity gives people a certain sense of power and can lead to provocative displays of verbal flexing.

Combine that with the day we had and it's a recipe for ... any number of things.

Thousands of diminuitive processes come into play, and usually very quickly, if not immediately. I don't usually sit and try to process each  little thought that goes through my mind before I post, or try to figure out what triggered a rabid response to any particular post - I just respond. I don't particularly like to argue, I don't particularly like being harsh. I much prefer to be pleasant and funny and nurturing ... but damn ... sometimes the bitch just shows up.

Combine that with some people's enjoyment of arguing and whining and goading and the stubborn death-grip on stupidity, and there we have a recipe for just a few of many possible reasons there are blow-ups on the boards.


Great post, great points Slaveish. I am fairly careful when I post to make sure it's not coming from a place of personal crisis (or fucking menopause) and that what I'm saying at any given time is what is actually going on in my brain and not what's going on in my life, but being human, that's not always the case. There were a few months this year where life was so hectic that I steered clear of message boards because I 'knew' that it was going to spill over and color my view in a negative manner. Rather than spew forth a bunch of bullshit just to exercise my typing fingers, I stayed away, took care of business and came back when things had calmed down in my life.

I learn most from my fuck-ups, so, again, this was a learned response. ::grins:

Thanks for the wonderful input.


Celeste



kyraofMists -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:28:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Okay, so all that said, while those B) category statements might not bring out the flame throwers, if they are brought out to a public board, are we throwing ourselves into our own A) category if we try to talk someone out of their B) ideas?


I think it depends on how you go about trying to talk them out of it.  If the tactic is "your are just wrong to think/feel that way" then yes, I think they are getting too close to "the way".  On the other hand, they can offer a different perspective, i.e. "have you looked at it from this angle..."

I have my own things that squick me and push my buttons and for some of them he has purposely exposed me and required me to expose myself to different perspectives on the issue.  Looking at things from a different angle can sometimes get me to change my opinion.

quote:

How do such B) statement make you feel when you read them on a public board and they apply directly to your gender, your kink etc? 


As long as they are genuine "my way" statements and not "the way" statements that are trying to masquerade as "my way", then to each their own.  I don't want everyone else to think like I do or have the same opinions as me.  I have learned a lot from listening to other people's perspectives. 

I am also very thin skinned and I have a lot of rat's asses sitting in the closet.  I have just learned over the years how to decide who is worth showing that side of myself.  Sometimes I choose poorly but other times I choose very well.  When I put something out on a public message board it is because I have decided to handle whatever emotional fallout comes from my statements. 

Other people's emotional fallout is for them to handle, especially if they are a stranger on a message board.  When I post something, especially if it is likely to be controversial, I make sure that I meet his high standards for how I am to behave towards others.  How people deal with what I write is a decision for them to make.  If they decide to seek clarification from me, then I do my best to provide it.  If they decide to get all offended and feel attacked then that is their choice.

Knight's Kyra



MisPandora -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:34:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Other people's emotional fallout is for them to handle, especially if they are a stranger on a message board.  When I post something, especially if it is likely to be controversial, I make sure that I meet his high standards for how I am to behave towards others.  How people deal with what I write is a decision for them to make.  If they decide to seek clarification from me, then I do my best to provide it.  If they decide to get all offended and feel attacked then that is their choice.

Knight's Kyra

There is some truth in 90/10 principle in relationships.

What is the 90/10 Principle? It means that 10 percent of life is made up of what happens to you; 90 percent of life is decided by how you react.

http://www.connectathum.com/relationship_stories/90_10_principle.html



kyraofMists -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:41:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
There is some truth in 90/10 principle in relationships.

What is the 90/10 Principle? It means that 10 percent of life is made up of what happens to you; 90 percent of life is decided by how you react.

http://www.connectathum.com/relationship_stories/90_10_principle.html


Thank you for the link, MisPandora.

Several years ago I learned that I can control my emotional state or let my emotional state control me.  Since it wasn't doing such a good job, I decided that I needed to take over.  Taking responsibility for my emotions has let me keep my sensitive nature without being mired down in depression and anxiety.  I am a much happier and content person now.

Knight's Kyra



slaveluci -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 12:53:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy
I don't think it's fair to expect people to let the latter go unchecked all the time, or accuse them of "insecurirty" and reading things into stuff if they choose to respond


quote:

.....I guess my point is people should think "do I sound like an ass-face if I say this?" before typing or talking and assume that you are speaking to the face of someone who is a member of the group you're about to characterize. I don't think this is a horrid form of oppressive censorship, just a taste of the golden rule that makes it more pleasant to be around each other

Beautifully stated, Grlwithboy.  I couldn't agree more.  I was formulating a response but you seem to have summed it up.  I have always been amused at how someone can say: "35 year old bisexual female slaves from Arkansas suck."  Then, as a 35 yr. old bisexual female slave from Arkansas, I chime in and say, "Hey, hold on.  Not all of us do, thank you very much."  And then they say, "Gee, you are such a self-centered paranoid.  Why do you have to make everything about you and take it so personally loser?"  Ahhh, ok.  Pardon the heck out of me for thinking that statement may have included me since I match it exactly[8D].

I'm with everyone else that feels that if you're emotional well-being centers around what virtual strangers on the 'net say, you need to toughen up.  But I also feel that when people gather together in a forum to discuss issues and someone makes a habit out of making blanket statements and judgments against others and then calling them overly sensitive when they take issue with that, that they are the ones who need to look in the mirror a bit more closely.  Caring what strangers think may not be the wisest thing to do but neither is taking your personal frustrations out on others while hiding behind the anonymity of being online.

As you said in another post after this one, if you're going to set yourself up as the one whose going to toughen up all the "whiners" with your own personal version of "tough love," you need to be prepared to be labeled an asshole yourself.  Some wear that as a badge of honor, I know, but it bears pointing out.  Thanks for doing so...........luci






Grlwithboy -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 1:04:08 PM)

luci, thanks. You got what I meant perfectly. Additionally, this is sexuality we're talking about - there's nothing more personal, and I think every one of us has varying degrees of insecurity about our sexualities on this board because there's not one of us that isn't "wrong" culturally. If I really want to hear how bad I suck, I can do that anywhere any day.




slaveluci -> RE: Outcasts: Thick skins & Rats asses (8/7/2007 1:12:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy
luci, thanks. You got what I meant perfectly

Great!  I don't hear that too often[;)].
quote:

If I really want to hear how bad I suck, I can do that anywhere any day

Ahhh, I doubt that[:)].  Seriously....great posts.  I totally agree........luci



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