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protective of Dom/me? - 7/1/2005 3:47:40 PM

softandshy

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If i may ask, do others here ever feel protective toward the Dom/me? i have a nurturing streak a mile wide and two miles long, and i can't help but feel that that must be relatively common among subs and slaves. However, there are days when i just really want to make it all come right for the Mistress, even when She has made the decision to do whatever is making Her miserable, or over-tired, or stressed. i've been very careful in dealing with this feeling when i have it, and i have, in fact, spoken cautiously to Her about the effect some decisions appear to have and asked Her to please take care of Herself. Still, what i'd really like to do is sit Her down and yell at Her that She's going to make Herself ill if She keeps it up (not going to happen, i'm not quite that nuts, thanks :) ). i do understand that She is a fully capable adult, that She makes Her own decisions about these things, and that She knows full well what load She can carry as well as what She can't, yet there are times when i worry myself sick. Any advice on how to deal with this feeling, other than just getting hold of myself (which has occurred to me already :) ), would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

< Message edited by softandshy -- 7/1/2005 3:48:49 PM >

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/1/2005 3:54:39 PM

slavedesires

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i kneel beside my bed and ask God to care for Him.
i have attempted, interferred and been "ass blistered."

Encourage her, let her know you care and see....ask if she might need you.....
then sit in your rocker chair and hold on to yourself, it will hurt like hell.

Been there, done that.

~~shy

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i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/1/2005 6:59:54 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Yes I feel very protective of the Owner, of all of my partners and specially my little nephews.

In the case of the Owner it's my job to try and make his life easier, but when he saw my protectiveness of him possibly interfering with his freedoms, he gave strict orders on how to control my feelings of protection and not to act on them in certain ways.

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/1/2005 8:20:01 PM

RiotGirl

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Yup, absolutely. i tend to run along the lines of "mother lion" It became more pronounced when my daughter was born and while they were putting me back together and sewing me up (c section) the only words out of my mouth was "give her to me" "i want her" "are you done yet" i'm VERY protective of the ones i love. Though some of the things i WOULD like to do, and its all i can not to do, i am not allowed, so i bide my time. i literally mean it that i would protect the ones i love with my life.

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/1/2005 8:21:48 PM

softandshy

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Thank you both for responding.

Would you mind being more specific Emerald? i could really use tips on exactly how to control those feelings because i'm going buggy. Is there a certain form of self-talk you use or something else? Or is not acting on the feelings in certain ways the control of which you speak? Please understand, i see both forms of control as valuable to the relationship, but i do separate them. One means learning to control my own thought processes for my sanity. The other means learning to control my behavior for Her sanity. :)

i've already tried the encouraging and asking, desires, but i've yet to invest in a rocker. It sounds worthwhile though and that may be what this comes down to. :)

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/1/2005 8:24:49 PM

softandshy

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Sorry Riot, i missed your post because i was writing as you were writing. :) Yes, i'm the mama bear also, and that does accelerate things doesn't it? So what do you tell yourself to keep from doing what is not allowed?

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/2/2005 12:04:03 AM

lonewolf05

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emotionally? not unless i find one that needs to be held while she cries. sorry. not my way.
physically? to a point. got my butt chewed just because i defended one on the net. i took away her chance to stand up for herself. so i wont do it again.
mentally? if she over works there is nothing i can do. it is out of my hands. that is between her and her boss.

so uh,.......looks like, no.

nor do i ever ask anyone to carry my battle flag either.
call me cold, but i am not, sticking my nose in and get kicked in the teeth again. nope.

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 7/15/2005 11:15:23 PM >

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/2/2005 1:40:59 AM

onceburned

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
In the case of the Owner it's my job to try and make his life easier, but when he saw my protectiveness of him possibly interfering with his freedoms, he gave strict orders on how to control my feelings of protection and not to act on them in certain ways.

I am thinking that this would be my situation too. For me it would only be natural to want to look after the well-being of my domme. But I would have to alert to when my desires wind up stepping on hers.

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/2/2005 8:45:56 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Having specific orders helped, I knew exactly which circumstances they applied to so I didn't have to worry when they arose.

Otherwise, teach yourself that sometimes the best thing is to not try and make it better. It's hard thing to learn and endure, but definitely necessary. A mantra might help you to get through it.

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/2/2005 12:27:46 PM

slavedesires

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there is a very similar posting on the Mistress forum called "White Knight Synrome"....maybe check it out?

~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/2/2005 5:40:33 PM

krikket

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A big part of who and what i am involves the nurturing of and caring for those i care for. i felt that way long before my knew i was a submissive, and i've seen it in others who are both D/s and 'nilla. i can't change those qualities about myself and don't want to..i like to think it will make me a better submissive.

OTOH, i know my place, know i couldn't make or change my Master's opinions and decisions, but i can be there to listen, to offer encouragement, and do those little things i would know he needs to make his life run smoother. i think we each get to this point in different ways and in different times --

cheers
jimini

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"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/3/2005 8:52:23 PM

fourpeas

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I agree, part of my role in the relationship is to make my Dom's life easier. MUCH easier. So to be that way with him, sometimes I feel that I might be overstepping my boundaries but most of the time he thanks me for being such a good little secretary/PA and telling him things like that. That said, we had a clear conversation about how he didn't want "saccarhine mommying" or that sort of thing, and the ways I care are usually not that mommy-ish. But I think that a lot of subs are very service oriented, even ones who might not think they are, and we all (as human beings) want to care for each other and make others' lives easier. ...... Maybe talk to your Mistress about how much you desire to serve her and make her life easier... etc.... ?

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/3/2005 9:46:29 PM

zaynab

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i love and feel protective of my Dom, i think that's a great quality for a sub....
it's hard not to worry about him though, he's very fit and strong but i worry all the time that something bad will happen to him.... he's a wonderful man..... *smile

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RE: protective of Dom/me? - 7/4/2005 7:46:13 AM

softandshy

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Thank you all for your responses. It's really good to know that i'm not the only one. i do realize that you're right also, in that it isn't wise to become bothersome with something like this. i like the image of the secretary/PA. Ultimately the Mistress will know what is right for Her.

ss

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