Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (Full Version)

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openmindedslave -> Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 2:10:06 PM)

In the last few months I have noticed, specially form submissive side, that I have spoken to some people who have asked me to play in a more of a switch postion.
They're response has been because while they perfer  a real Mistress( in the male subs case) , they have had little luck finding someone that wanted them.. So they were going  to explore male on male domination .

I am just asking , are some people open enought to share with others here , if they have in a sense gone a different direction than the profile may suggest because of lack of responses from what they perfer or  for other reasons they would care to share?



earthycouple -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 2:25:56 PM)

I have play partners that I know aren't "the one" but I make no mistakes or mislead them, nor they with me.  So if that means "making do" then yes. 

If taking on everything that comes my way, idiot or not; submissive or not is "making do" then no. 

I have no desire to do something with someone in which there is no "click" or serious enjoyment/like with potential for love.  Even those play partner are people that I truly enjoy and want to be around beyond flogging and getting my house cleaned and on some level I love em cause I consider them friends.



KiandPhoenix -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 3:36:38 PM)

I wouldn't make do. While we live a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle, my sub is my friend first, then my lover and fiancé. Only last does her being a sub com into play. Because we were the other things first, there is no settling.

If she asks me to scene with a coworker, as she has in the past, then it is not a settlement if I accept. It is not doing much for me, as I am acting in the role of a service top. I take care of their needs without much concern. We scene, have aftercare, maybe if it is pre-negotiated we might have some sexual fun. Even if we did that there is a good chance that it would be one sided, as my oral skills are rumored in high regard, and she tends to offer them up without asking if I am willing first. So in all a scene with others is not about me at all, and is therefore is not a settlement.

We are seeking a new female sub for me. We do it because we are secure and happy in our relationship. We don't NEED anyone else, we simply have talked and decided that it would be a very nice thing, and something we both want. We wont decide on someone fast, because it is not a need we have to fill, even if someone came to us today and asked to join. There is a process and it is slow. We wont settle for just anyone, they have to fit right, and as much as I am a get a decision done type of person, I am not going to compromise our relationship by making due with whomever might stumble into our house and say "I wanna be yours".

I think it is OK if you have no one who satisfies you to play with others as long as there is an understanding as to why you are doing it, and make no more than it is out of it. Enjoy it, move on, keep looking for the partner(s) who fit. If you do these things, you are not settling, just having some fun. As long as everyone knows what is involved, then there is not really a problem.

~Ki



Mystique567 -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 4:24:40 PM)

I have played as a Top, just for the sake of play,  I suppose it was for someone that felt they wanted to "try" and see what it feels like.

I have a submissive friend, who wanted a play partner outside of his regular vanilla relationship, since he can talk to me, he wanted that person to be me. Last night we talked, I asked him how it would feel if I told him that he was good enough to bottom for me, but that when I was looking for a companion I want someone that is completely different. That he would not be the person I wanted to be with all the time. Would he still have the same feelings or excitement for me, or would he feel used and discounted?

I have done my share of playing, I am sure that until I find the one who is looking for me I will do more of it. But I know that each and every person I have played with, I have had some kind of connection to, a "click" as someone said above.  I can't just play with anyone, there has to be something there.



LadyPact -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 5:52:50 PM)

I've been talking about this Myself on some other boards.  I posed a question in the "Ask A Mistress" forum, which was fairly similar.
 
In a sense, I am making do, which I see a bit different than settling.  Since My search for a boy of My own hasn't been successful (yet), right now I am in the position where I have been Topping friends these past couple of months.  My perspective on it is that, while I would rather have a submissive in My life, I can either decide to Top and play, or wait until I find what I am looking for, and have no play at all.  For Me, that's kind of a no brainer.  I want to play.  They want to play.  So far, these have all been wonderful experiences, and I actually broadened My horizons a bit.  That's a win/win in My book, even if it's not what I'm ultimately seeking.
 
How is this different than settling?  I see settling as taking a submissive who isn't especially a good fit for Me, and trying to make them into something they are not.  Maybe that would be better explained as trying to force something that just isn't there.  Be that a bad match for kinks, or a bad match for the vanilla things.  Perhaps the spark isn't there, or a hundred other things that make Me and a potential submissive badly suited for each other.  When I take a submissive as My own, I don't want him just because he is willing to be My boy.  I'll want him for who he is, not what I would rather he would be.



Elorin -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 7:32:03 PM)

I am not making do. I expect to always have a variety of play partners with whom I share a variety of forms of play.
So while right now I am getting my need for play filled with play partners, though I do hope for a full time sub who also enjoys play with me, it isn't making do because when I do find that full time sub I'll still play with the play partners.
That is part of what makes poly fun.



LaTigresse -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 7:37:22 PM)

I am making do by doing without. Just hanging out, keeping busy with work, friends, family and all of my other life interests. I don't feel cheated or anything like that. I have no desire to play casually and since I am not in a relationship........nothing going on.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 7:49:23 PM)

I agree with LaT, I have no interest in casual play. I have Angel and Kitten now, but when I didnt have them I just didnt play.  Id rather do without than settle for just anything to scratch the itch.
Neither of my boys are settling, and I was perfectly happy when Angel was my only one.

DV




openmindedslave -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 8:32:22 PM)

This as been my experience  with a few subs that have spoken to me as examples of what I have discovered.. They have been searching for a Mistress to be involved with and have found  that their search has not  been successful.What they were asking was  to have another sub to become a switch so they could be submissive to someone.Not the sexual interest they desired  but more so  I think so that they can live  out real submission.   And while they  can not or will not  expose themselves to a 24/7 realtionship for what ever reason, I think many out here have taken a stance of  will someone please let them feel  what they so dearly need to feel. Even if that means  playing with the same sex when they clearly perfer  not to.Or to have one dom  , dom and other dom as a submissive.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 8:37:19 PM)

Am I 'making do'?! That makes it sound like my relationship is meaningless unless MJ is 'the one.' My relationship is very fulfilling and meaningfull. I'm happy, I'm relaxed. Things are great.  I don't play casually, for me, THAT is meaningless and unfulfilling. My relationship with MJ is what it is, its our relationships, its strong, its rewarding to say the least.  
 
I prefer quality over quantity.
 
I will admit, I was a Mistress {gasp} for a while, it was out of 'default;' no decent Masters where around or at least none that I was able to find, so I ended up topping for a while. It wasn't fulfilling or who I was, so I went back to my roots and never looked back.



MzMia -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 9:16:27 PM)

I am on the same page as Ki, LaT, DV and SlaveRoseBeauty on this one.
**Ki I wanted to add, I admire men that admit that they have no desire to settle**

I am totally making do, and I am busy as a bee.
I have a great family and a good life.
I have NO desire to play casually, it does nothing for ME.
I don't engage in casual sex NOR casual play.
A lot of what I enjoy the most involves intimacy and very close contact. [:D]
I wish I could be satisfied or content with casual play, but I don't desire it or want to be bothered.
Also, casual play would only make me feel empty, because what I desire the most I can only enjoy in
a serious relationship. 

 I am not knocking those that enjoy casual play at all, it is just not for me.



hsagnev -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 9:31:52 PM)

can of worms that question is



addisonclarkgirl -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 9:41:20 PM)

Unfortunately, i am making do.  i'm a little girl who is searching for a Daddy, and i just haven't found Him yet.  i know it's supposed to be a role that only one man should fill for a little girl, but because i haven't found the perfect fit yet, i have three Daddies who i play with.  They all have different qualities which make me love them, but none of them are open for anything serious.  i suppose that i am fortunate in that i have these men to keep my company and play with me, but sometimes i think that if i just walked away from them, then the right one would appear.  Maybe being with them is holding me back?? 




hsagnev -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 9:51:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: addisonclarkgirl
..... but sometimes i think that if i just walked away from them, then the right one would appear.  Maybe being with them is holding me back?? 


could be



came4U -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/7/2007 10:04:27 PM)

making due hmm

are toys considered making due? count me in as making due then. lol

Getting sum, or meeting someone below my standards is a no-no just because I didn't find the One. 



taintedgypsy -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/8/2007 2:08:23 AM)

Hmmm interesting thread. Making do ... I do not go without some sort of sexual release for any long period, and toys and self indulgence just does not scratch that itch. If no fuck buddy is available then I will hunt. I enjoy uncomplicated sex, outside of, or within a relationship. As I face the future without a relationship, I have wondered how a need for play will work. I think as my time of abstiance goes on this like my other itch will have to be scratched. I think I will "make do" with casual play partners, but time will tell. It will also be interesting to see if both itches will be scratched together, also if my need for play will be satisfied without the intimate conection of a relationship as my sexual needs can be.

I have enjoyed reading the opinons on this thread.



RavenMuse -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/8/2007 3:46:36 AM)

In basic terms, yes I am 'making do'

I am seeking to replace what I had for 20 of the last 26 years, long term, TPE M/s live-in, what I seek isn't common and that search may take a long time. I'm not going to hermit away in the meantime. I take on lower level dynamics, playpartners, enjoy the scene with 'just friends'.... I have fun. I'll have much more fullfilling fun when I find what I seek but I guess what I am doing in the meantime could be viewed as 'making do'



daddysliloneds -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/8/2007 5:16:34 AM)

nope; i'm always getting something out of my investment, as it should be, whether that be play partners and/or long term relationships.



openmindedslave -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/8/2007 5:36:27 AM)

I think the term "making due" might be making some people think its settling on less than you deserve in life.While easily  it can mean that, the essences of my question involved  have you had to make  changes to your needs to  keep you in this lifestyle or to  experience something as long as you know in the long run that this not really what satisfys you ..
It rminds me of Sopranos episode when their dealing with a gay mobster member. Basically when your in prison , and you need  sex' you do what you gotta do". lol



thetammyjo -> RE: Are you making do until you find what you are really looking for? (8/8/2007 5:49:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I have play partners that I know aren't "the one" but I make no mistakes or mislead them, nor they with me. So if that means "making do" then yes.

If taking on everything that comes my way, idiot or not; submissive or not is "making do" then no.

I have no desire to do something with someone in which there is no "click" or serious enjoyment/like with potential for love. Even those play partner are people that I truly enjoy and want to be around beyond flogging and getting my house cleaned and on some level I love em cause I consider them friends.


Exactly.

For me it is also the fact that each new person helped me learn something about myself, about Ds, about SM, and about the human condition.

I've trained more people than I've owned; I've played with more people than I've trained. Each one taught me something and I'd like to think I did the same for them. I know that I have for some because I've heard from them over the years or remained friends with them.

Years of experimenting and growing helped me become the woman who could have the honor that almost forced a strong, intelligent, loving man to be her slave for nearly eight years now. I hope that this relationship has helped the entire family learn more so that we can incorporate others in the future into the household.

I suspect I once had the romantic fantasy that there would be only one, that perfect one, that I should hold out for. Thank the Divine I let go of the fantasy and opened myself up to all these wonderful learning experiences. I think it has made me a much better person and certainly a much better top and dominant.



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