Mistress Streotypes

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AMADF -> Mistress Streotypes (8/7/2007 11:06:14 PM)
Recently i got a mail from a sub i knew some years ago. That day we meet have some dinner, some whine and evethough was nice time i didnt thought we match, so didnt call back, nor him call me back either. So was the end of story. He mail me back some years later saying that he saw my profile and recognice my photos and that in that meeting he didnt thought i was a "real dominant" cause i look kind of vanilla in our meet , but after reading my profile he regrets. Well too bad in in mex now and not europe any more :P I have had lots of dates, some of them ok some dont, like all in life, but makes me very courious this mail since this is the 3rd time in my life i kind of get the same comment. Even my actual sub (whom i will get marryed next year :) ) told me the same: the first time i play with you cause i thought you where pretty and had beautiful legs, but seem so harmless...then we go in bedroom and dr jeckill go away and came a fantastic mr hyde. Maybe its because how i look or act. Im small girl, size 5 and im very polite. I have a doctorate in politics and study journalism, i have also been international correspondant, im actually an academic girl: do reserch in big university. Im used to be polite. I like yoga and life in balance. But that me!! I mean i hate those people who are rude all the time. When i see a girl that just becuse she like to beat people in private expect that even the waitress kiss her foot i become mad. I think in this previous meetings its not necesary to be bossy or a bitch or take control of the meeting, were just showing who you are. I Dont try to impress them, nor in my speech nor in my dressing (i have very nasty outfits but dont take them to my first interview), i dont think this is necesarr since im inly there to see if were compatible. In that moment i dont act like mistress but instead observe his behaviour. If were compatible, then i will become bossy and bitchy mistresss, but not before, simply because i dont know who he is or how he will react. I have know those "bossy" ladyes how yell at everyone. But i think that just because they do bdsm doesnt have to be a reason to stop being a polite lady. I indeed have a small size, but i compensate that with other thisgs like accurate technique, and toys that makes things easier no matter how tall are you. So i dont see wheres the point. So after this i decide to ask you subs: does subs have also estereotypes in searching a mistress? I The fact that they see this short polite lady size discourge them since theyre looking for a big rude lady talking with bad words and dressed in black?

came4U -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/7/2007 11:28:00 PM)
There is in no way shape or form that you studied any of those mentioned in English. The question then is..? Do subs have stereotypes of Mistresses? well, you do. saying you are a small, polite lady dissing big rude ladies. That in itself is rude and discriminatory. Small, small, small, you mention that a lot. People don't assume since I am small that I have such a big mouth either. lol. I am the same size, maybe smaller than you, doesn't mean that I am more submissive (acting or looking) than the average taller gal. This is no different than a Dominant, a quiet dominant, claiming he is being appraised upon his subtle charms outside a bedroom. I am no Mistress nor do I appeal to any or inspire to find one. But, what I think you are asking is the same a Dominant might ask 'does a guy have to be loud and boisterous to attract submissive females'?? The answer is no. But, if you are trying to drum up business, you sure are insulting to some of the 'larger or louder' women who are strict feminists. Not because of their size, but because of their personality that some sub men adore. What exactly is your point?

unbroken33 -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 3:11:49 AM)
Personally, i don't stereotype Mistresses. You are unique, just like everyone else. But here is a question. Do You stereotype subs?

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 3:16:53 AM)
I don't know if she stereotypes subs, but she sure seems to stereotype mistresses... Kind of interesting. Anyway, in response to what I think the point was: I think she and the former sub erred in judging each other, each had his/her expectation of how things should look/go. Whether they are/are not compatible is unclear, but there is no reason AMADF couldn't meet again with said sub and find out for sure whether or not there is chemistry, since they now have a clearer understanding of what the other looks like/behaves like/wants. M

MHOO314 -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 6:00:33 AM)
oy, I had to read this one like 6 times to get the essence--I do believe that many "fantasy" subbies nahe their images of what their Mistress should be----and who in their real mind expects someone to walk in to a restaurant with stilettos, leather and brandishing a whip is just that----a do me---and no matter what One is, bossy or polite, it isnt going to click-- As for height, I prefer the big boys, something about bringing them down to size that is a rush, I'm not as tall as I was once, having lost 2 inches to age--but when they are kneeling at My feet--pfftt I reign supreme. There was once a Domina on CM that was 4'10--and she had a boy who was 6'6--she at times had to use a stool even when he was kneeling, but there was no question who was in charge--its all in One's demeanor and carriage. now as to social graces---I'm not getting that, I know very fwew Dominas who are social bitches---I almost get the impression She is trying to set Herself up as better to boost Her new business---sounds more like a sneaky ad, then a true post--- *A line from a Shakespeare play : "Me think thou dost protestest too much"---*

Laure -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 6:08:55 AM)
laughs It never crossed my mind that a woman had to be Ma'amZilla to be a Domme! Also, various people being rude isn't something one finds exclusively in the world of BDSM.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 8:09:46 AM)
I embrace my pink bunny self- and all the dominant juiciness it contains :)

Archer -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 8:27:30 AM)
You mention that you are there to observe and check for compatability. If the person shows no outward sign of submission then you don't get to evaluate that aspect of the person and may go away thinking poor match. However the other way around is true also if you show no sign of dominant behaviour then they, who are also observing you to check for compatability, may leave the meeting thinking poor match. This is not to say you have to display a goddess or bitch mentality, but rather that you do need to display your natural level of dominance in a discrete manner. They are evaluating you as much as you are evaluating them. Note displaying natural Dominant attitude is not the same as assertin dominance over the person in question. That has not been negotiated.

MistressCass -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 8:28:30 AM)
Hmmmm....I'm short, very pale and look TERRIBLE in black.....I guess I am not a real Domme......and I use my manners with everyone......and yet no one has EVER confused me for a sub.....quite the contrary.....I have had more than one sub, at an event, address me as "Ma'am" without knowing me prior to that event. I guess it's an air I have.....smile....

earthycouple -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 9:18:11 AM)
This reminds me (maybe a hijack, not sure if it matters) of someone who told me that vanilla meetings on even footing would ruin the entire future relationship. (Go figure he's never had a dominant). He also said that the BEST way to meet a dominant was for him to leave a key...ok here's where you have to keep up and suspend that disbelief... leave a key at the hotel room desk. He would be naked, blindfolded and he would lock himself in cuffs and leave the key on the other side of the room. This, according to him, is the absolute safest way for anyone to meet a slave because they are cuffed and naked. Meaning they can't get free and can't be hiding anything because they are naked. So there you have it. Safest and most successful way to meet a slave. Let's all go do this! We'll make the Marriott our signature hotels, even. This idiot even went so far to say that it would be impossible for him to have the upper hand but meeting in a resturant is unsafe because he could pull a knife on me in the parking lot or follow me home. I suggested that same knife might be under the pillow but he said that was impossble. Overall the point for "my friend" was putting a slave in "his place" with the first meeting sets the tone for the rest of their blissful, never real life always naked and chained existence. He was a real slave.....S Geez We didnt' talk again after that.

sub4hire -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 11:02:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AMADF He mail me back some years later saying that he saw my profile and recognice my photos and that in that meeting he didnt thought i was a "real dominant" cause i look kind of vanilla in our meet , but after reading my profile he regrets. Well too bad in in mex now and not europe any more :P But that me!! I mean i hate those people who are rude all the time. When i see a girl that just becuse she like to beat people in private expect that even the waitress kiss her foot i become mad. Intelligent people don't stereotype without knowing someone. Although not everyone in the world is intelligent either. As you've stated. There are rude people everywhere you go. Yes, there are rude stupid people everywhere you go as well. People have stereotyped me as well. Telling me I am dominant because I know how to handle myself when ordered to. Does it bother me? Not so much, that only tells me I could probably dominate them. Which doesn't show much for who they are. Of course that is my reasoning. It happens with dominants, it happens with submissives. Don't let morons get to you. You know who you are and your partner also knows who you are. That's all that is required to make you happy in life.

AMADF -> RE: Mistress Streotypes (8/8/2007 11:02:43 AM)
It seems that there were so many ideas in my head when write this question that was kind of messy, yet some of you take time enough to undestand it and answer it, thank you. The question that was on my head was that maybe those subs dont think were compatible since i didnt look like the mistress we saw in movies or other things: im not nor big nor big tits, and in this previous meet, i was kind of the opposite of what i act in a session. So the question was if subs do expect this kind of bossy bitch behaviour even in previous meets. I wanted to share with you this question since i act pretty much the same in previous meetings, and up ntill now had good results. But in this 3 cases i mention obviously was something that was not comunicating ok. I was reading all you nice answers :) and interesting question you made me came4U youre right in that men dont have to be bousterious to find a girl, but my question is that if some subs hope to find this in rhe prevous meetings, and if they dont found it maybe feel desilutionated. About me stereotyping mistress, thats a good question. I dont think theres a unique mistress but but sure the most popular one is the one ypu see in bdsm movies: big ladyes or tall lady or or big breast lady. I have my favorite video mistress: dom karin who relyes more in good tecnique more than bousterious behave, she is slim, small breast and session almost nacked, except fom fatnastigh tioghts and boots. but have to admit that the other movies are much popular or commun than this lady. About insulting anyone, dont think so. Im a bdsm teacher, i give classes in a classroom in cultural center, and its not the same as having a session. So first of all i recspect pro doms cause otherwise hundred of men probably will never know bdsm, since not only theyre never seem to be enough particular mistress. Also think its a good option for mens that for instance are married and cannot comit fully in a relation. So what i do its different: tech bdsm basic so you practice in private with whom ever you like. So its not on my mind to insult someone. unbroken33: good question aboult stereotyping subs. Maybe not by his phisical appareance. But i honestly addmit theres sometimes where i say: oh here we go again!! this is where a sub tryes to cheat and lie and invent things to have a session. For instance a man claims to have a permanent 24-7 relation and then you talk with him and he says: but im married :S In those moments i think "then what?" are you gonna bring your vanilla whife to live with us? and things like that, like a newby saying i have NO limits, so i answer "ok so i can order you to change sex hput 50 needles on your cock and nipples no?" of course i will no do that with newbyes but those people claim to be searching things but maybe they dont really know what does imply what theyre saying. So up untill now this is the ontly stereotipe i found, but has nothing to do with phisical aspects. FullfigRIMaam: yes that could have been a good idea, meet and the asking him why didnt he though i looked like a non dominat girl. Asking his point of view of how dom girls "should" act. Unfurtunately now i live in other country, but it would have been a very good idea. Thanks MHOO314: I also like big boys :) Im about 1.53 mts and his 1.95. Were inloved now and have talked about the firts impressions: he told me that the first time i meet him he thought it might be diffcult that being small he controll me, but when we actually play he chag e his mind :P I do confess that i use some trick to deal with his size (i cannot slap him while his standing since) but slap him very confortable whiñe his lying down or so. Im sorry if the qestion was confusing, i remake it and try to be more clear. I say it again my business is not comercial session but classes inly in mexico city, in a former classroom, no sexual contact, nor session, nor cyber sessions, but bdsm basic for newbies. I certanly dont try to impress students. I write a lot this days cause im in summer vacaction. When got back to university, i centanly dont have so much free time. Laure: Ma'amZilla jajajaja i never heard that expression. Yes its true, rude people its everywhere not only bdsm :) but i was wondering if subs are actually expecting that a mistress acts like Ma'amZilla in the previous meets. I will remeber this expression. LuckyAlbatross :) thats so cute Archer: thanks a lot!!! i see the point. I think this is exaclty what has been going on. Sometimes i also forget theyre also evaluating me. Mybe this situations were kind of miss undesrtanding: they were wainting for me to display dom to become sub and i was waiting them to display sub to became dom, so at the end none of us show anything and both went without displaying anything. Upps MistressCass: jijijij certanly a ggod air :) Thanks a lot to all for your post, so nice to be here :)

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