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Paradoxic -> RE: Am I a REAL DOM? (8/9/2007 12:16:06 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57
I've read that genuine DOM males are very rare. I've only had three scenes with two subs but in each case when I take control (usually by grabbing their hair) I get a sexual rush that is truly intoxicating. It's far beyond anything I've ever experienced during vanilla sex. The orgasm that follows later is incredibly intense.
But the important factor is - the rush I feel is wholly dependent on the sub going into sub space. If I can feel her gasp, see her eyes roll back and her muscles go limp - I get the rush.
Lacking the response I'd get little or no pleasure. I'm not by nature a violent person quite the contrary so I'm no rapist. I'm also not a control freak nor am I an egoistic person so I don't think this is an ego thing.
It seems to me that my dom fantasy feeds off her sub fantasy. The more pleasure she displays the more excited I become.
What is this rush? Is it an indication that I'm the real thing - a REAL DOM? Still trying to figure all this out...
=- MasterSteve57
I'm going to give you what is probably going to be a controversial answer and state YES - in my opinion - you are a Dom.
You wrote that "It seems to me that my dom fantasy feeds off her sub fantasy. The more pleasure she displays the more excited I become" In my opinion, this is a true Dom. I'm expecting those here to disagree, but this shows that you are truly connecting to her submissive pleasure in a non-judgemental and deeply emotional way. Because her submissiveness connects with your feeling of control, her submissive pleasure becomes your Dominant pleasure, which in my opinion is one way of being a true Dom.
Many years ago, a very hot 20-something girl I was dating (with Daddy issues) did this strange pose on the bed that vaguely reminded me of a photo I saw on the Internet. I later found the photo, discovered that the girl in the photo was being submissive in a scene, and it was this thing called BDSM.
I had heard the term but never read about it. This being at a time of Internet Explorer 4, there was little on the web, but I was lucky enough to have an advertised BDSM house (a very big house) operating as a business within a 2 hour drive.
I want to share what I was taught in that House - I was taught that there were three factors to being a Dom:
- The submissive must consent to my control. It must be consentual. It you try to force it, that's being a bully and you risk reprisal.
- You must be flexible. If your sub "moves" to a different emotional submissive state that you've never been to before, you need to adapt. This flexibility also involved Creativity. (Ten minutes into my first scene as a Dom, when I said to myself "what do I do now?", that's when I understood this factor.)
- There needs to be an emotional connection between the people involved. This lets me know, without even looking at her, how she's enjoying what I'm doing.
Now, I know that some people are going to jump out and claim you can't just say there are three rules, yada yada yada. I'm just sharing with you all what **I** was TAUGHT - my experience.
This teaching prevented a lot of beginner's confusion.
There was a lot of discussion on #2. Those in LTRs didn't think it was all that important, those of us that were searching for a wide variety of emotional experiences felt it was vital.
I was also taught that there are more pretenders than real Doms. I'd seen Pretenders in the House. Often they eventually tried to bully the wrong person, which sometimes got the pretender humiliated in front of everybody. I found that Pretenders were liars, argumentative, can't connect with most people, and intolerant of other people's opinions.
Those of us that are here can talk about sub-space, and trance, and going deep, but someone that is brand spanking new to the terminology (like MasterSteve57) is ripe for pretenders to shovel their ignorance upon him. He's asking beginner's questions, don't chastise him because he's not experienced.
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