RE: Your Core

RE: Your Core (Full Version)

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darkinshadows -> RE: Your Core (7/6/2005 1:27:25 AM)
I am not entirely sure I get your point to your post? Of course there are shades of grey, but nonetheless domestic violence is exactly what it says on the can. I wouldn't judge a couple either - but I didn't understand why using Domestic violence as a reference in the way it was - made it 'appear ok' because it's their 'core'. If a women is provoking her husband/boyfriend/lover into hitting her - and he does it, without realising that she is manipulating the situation, then the reality is that it isn't consensual - because of the provocation. In the same way as a women being hit just because he wants to and she doesn't - again a nonconsensual act. Domestic Violence is a non consensual actof violence - at least that is what it is in the UK - I can't speak for other interpretations worldwide, although I understand it is the same - If they are doing it for mutual benefit - it's of course consensual and has SM ties, even if they are not understanding of the whole context of what SM is. I had nothing against the OP - I just pointed out that it left itself open to questioning. My question would be, how can something be your 'core' if its non consensual, or has a reason behind it - surely the reason behind the act is the actual core? Peace and Love

GentleLady -> RE: Your Core (7/6/2005 7:12:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir Another sadism response, and a service response. The three general "core" answers seem to be "ownership," "service" and "sadism/masochism." Actually I would define My core more along the lines of intense teasing and the responses from it. Pain was not a factor in what I was describing believe it or not. My submissive certainly did not register any of the physical feelings as painful. Gentle Lady

GentleLady -> RE: Your Core (7/6/2005 7:14:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foxglove716 for me the core isnt the abuse, the abuse is an afterthought. The core is looking into his eyes right before something is going to happen, or rather, his eyes burning into mine. I dont know if it is going to be the ritualistic paddle or something completely unexpected. My soul is exposed to him in that most vulnerable moment, and he sees it, and I trust in him that he knows what to do with it. Excuse Me foxglove716 but where was the abuse in what I posted? Gentle Lady

Faramir -> RE: Your Core (7/6/2005 9:00:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GentleLady quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir Another sadism response, and a service response. The three general "core" answers seem to be "ownership," "service" and "sadism/masochism." Actually I would define My core more along the lines of intense teasing and the responses from it. Pain was not a factor in what I was describing believe it or not. My submissive certainly did not register any of the physical feelings as painful. Gentle Lady Ok - then powerplay or D/s interplay? I like to classify things :)

Faramir -> RE: Your Core (7/6/2005 9:03:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GentleLady Excuse Me foxglove716 but where was the abuse in what I posted? Gentle Lady GL< I didn't read her response as being directly in response to you, but rather the OP, and I read "abuse" to be "SM" the way she used it.

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Your Core (7/6/2005 6:50:35 PM)
I don't think it has to be consensual to be one's core. In my example, her core appeared to be getting hit. His appeared to be otherwise but, by virtue of the the fact that they stayed together, one would assume that each had their core needs met. They might not have shared a mutual "core" but that wasn't the question posed by the OP, unless I misread it. I do think a relationship works best when both parties have their deepest needs met in a symbiotic manner, but I doubt that is the case for the majority. I believe that more often than not core needs are met in a negotiated manner, "my tat for your tit", if you will. As to the topics of domestic violence and abuse, I believe both occur but I don't equate one with the other simply because the sometimes occur together. I may be completely radical in my thinking here, but I do believe that sometimes non-consensual domestic violence is NOT abuse. I have interacted with those who chose to accept the violence because their greater needs were met in other ways. While they did not consent to the violence, they did remain within the situation of their own free will, even given viable options. Perhaps the case could be made that metaconsent exists in such circumstances, but I don't want to completely derail the conversation parsing words. Before I'm branded as a completely insensitive SOB, let me say that I have the utmost empathy for those who find themselves abused within relationships they can't escape, but I also believe that is the minority of cases. Be well, Timothy

HiTop -> RE: Your Core (7/6/2005 9:16:25 PM)
I was going to offer up that it was the ownership that was the core for me, but .... quote: then powerplay or D/s interplay This really focuses in on the core issue. These are the moments we share, the exchanges that tap the core energy between us. How they play out is the fun part, finding new creative activities for my s or the sheer exchange of energies when anything is communicated through that channel.

GentleLady -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 4:58:06 AM)
quote: Ok - then powerplay or D/s interplay? I like to classify things :) Perhaps control would be closer...but a specific control of arousal. As much as I enjoy giving pain I could leave that behind if I had to. Control as a function the of D/s relationship may be the best way to phrase it because I know that I will no longer live with someone outside a D/s relationship and for Me that deep control is essential to My D/s dynamics. Fascinating topic. Gentle Lady

GentleLady -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 4:59:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir quote: ORIGINAL: GentleLady Excuse Me foxglove716 but where was the abuse in what I posted? Gentle Lady GL< I didn't read her response as being directly in response to you, but rather the OP, and I read "abuse" to be "SM" the way she used it. Okay....I must have misinterpreted the post then. Thank You Faramir Gentle Lady

Faramir -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 7:02:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GentleLady Perhaps control would be closer...but a specific control of arousal. Gentle Lady That's a fascinating response, but it makes sense to me. It's not my groove, but I can get a handle on it - controlling your partner's level of arousal is intensely symbolic - that's where the rubber meets the road. There have been some very interesting responses here.

GentleLady -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 7:38:45 AM)
If You go back and re read My original post You can see the thread of control through it. he responds to My touch and I control that response right through to the end. Thank You for asking the question. I have struggled for a long time trying to identify what My main kink is and have finally worked it out. Answering this has allowed Me to refine it and put it into words. I use pain sluts primarily so some level of pain is almost guaranteed to be there to heighten the pleasure but it is not the pain/pleasure I am seeking....it is the control of his sexual responses to Me. Gentle Lady

pandoravampire -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 12:30:38 PM)
Zaynab, may i enquire? your masochistic need to be used by your ex partner in this sadistic fashion....... had you known then, that you'd need repeated corrective surgery to repair the damage caused by this form of play, would you still of consented? ie was it informed consent? pandora

Youcantmakemeeee -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 12:56:59 PM)
I guess for me it would depend on if we're talking about D/s or SM. I've done one without the other. With D/s, it's mental. With SM, it's the need to receive pain from harsh floggings. That's a more physical release, not that there isn't some mental things going on though. Oh I am too preoccupied. I don't seem to be making sense. Oh well, maybe next time. <smiles>

caitlyn -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 3:24:13 PM)
I'm pretty sure I have a core. I'm more sure I don't know what it is. I'm completely sure that if I did, I wouldn't share it with anyone. I have a friend in the Corps though. [;)]

Faramir -> RE: Your Core (7/7/2005 5:13:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: caitlyn I have a friend in the Corps though. [;)] Oorah!

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