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Acceptance - 8/9/2007 2:20:29 PM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
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There is a situation that troubles me. It's when a male tell his wife that he is cross dressing (no problem) but then wants to be his fem persona 24/7 (oooooooooooookay), but THEN he wants to be only with her with him behaving as another female in the bedroom.

Now this is where I feel it's unfair. The wife is heterosexual. He says he is the same person on the inside (true).
If the wife refuses to have sex with his female persona, she is considered close minded or unloving. Uh, it's more that she is heterosexual and simply not attracted to a female in this venue.

So what do you do? Just be friends while the wife mourns the loss of her husband? Part company to find your heart's desire? (Yeah, I was watching the Greg Behrend Show today)

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RE: Acceptance - 8/9/2007 2:32:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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When it goes beyond crossdressing, then you get into serious feminization and perhaps even transgender or transsexual. That's more than your ordinary wife should/can deal with and needs to get some very good therapy to help things be healthy within themselves and the relationship.

It's not about fair or unfair- people are who they are, fucked and unfucked. This goes back to Kyra's thread on change- how much is too much? It's ok for him to express these desires, but it's also ok for her to say she can't handle them.

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RE: Acceptance - 8/9/2007 3:39:14 PM

Grlwithboy

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Joined: 2/8/2005
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Some people can adapt to that, and some can't. It's only unfair if he doesn't respect her timeline at all and it's only unfair if she insists she can accept something she never will.

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RE: Acceptance - 8/9/2007 4:46:07 PM

Hiskat

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Joined: 2/12/2007
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Both deserve happiness. A huge part of happiness is acceptance. If a person in unable to except the choices the other is making then the happiness fades away. Change is inevitable, some changes are easier to handle than others. If she cannot handle the circumstance then perhaps imo it is time to become just friends. It must be a hard thing to have to face.

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RE: Acceptance - 8/9/2007 5:46:11 PM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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Oh my. She didn't sign on for something this big. I'm personally thinking it would take someone of very strong constitution to be ok with this. I can't say how I'd react but I can't blame the wife for being upset by this. I would think I'd try to work it out before I simply ran away. I sure as heck wouldn't stay there miserably and doing nothing about it....either couples councilling or something...gosh it's hard cause if my husband wanted to dress and act enfemme I'd support it. I can't get in her shoes at being squicked out by it.

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RE: Acceptance - 8/9/2007 6:09:58 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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~Fast Reply~

When a woman marries a man, she does just that... she marries a man. While there is nothing wrong with transexuals, transgender, cross-dressing... whatever... when a person changes gender they can't expect their heterosexual spouse to continue to be attracted to them. Even as a bisexual, I don't think I could handle it if Valyraen changed gender. I would respect his decision, help him as much as I could but I would be losing the man that I loved and I don't know if I would also the love woman.

When transgendered people take the next step and actually change, they aren't exactly the same with different external parts. Their behavior does change a bit and while it's not wrong the things that attracted their mates to them may not be there anymore.

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