Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005 Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: MissPriss88 Yet I'm almost afraid to ask my question, but perhaps it will help anouther submissive who sees it. What are you actually afraid of... that we'll rip into you... or maybe where the answers might lead you? quote:
I've been in a growing "relationship" as much as He hates to call it that ... Now why does he "hate" to call it that? Growth is a healthy thing, its part of being alive. If you aren't growing, you're dead. quote:
But as of recent I grow weary of my submission, and am constantly struggling with my own insecurities. Is it your submission you're weary of... or just the situation? Just a first impression, but I don't think its the serving or the pleasing or the submitting you're tired of. quote:
Tonite He is gone, with another woman, and I sit at home alone. We have discussed the prospect of this happening, and I have always expressed to Him that whatever makes Him happy, makes Him happy and that's all I've ever wished for. But... here I sit alone at home, and I .... am not happy. I'd ask why you aren't happy, but you answer that below. I am curious, why he didn't take you out with him as well. Personally, I'd much rather have a woman on each arm, than just one and one at home. quote:
Did I decide, when I made my choice to submit to Him to give up my happiness for the betterment of anouthers? Like Em said, being a submissive does not mean being a martyr. It could, if that's what did it for you (and there are some for whom it does), but you don't seem the type. You ought to give that some thought regarding what you do need. Like you said, this is a growth relationship, you're learning about yourself and this lifestyle, exactly what you should be doing. So learn, grow, explore yourself, get to know yourself better. quote:
I haven't truly expressed any of this to Him, and I know the first answer I will receive is to express my fears and concerns to Him. Ah, allurette, communication is the key to any strong relationship. So write in a journal allurette, let Him know how you're feeling through a letter of sorts.... My whole life has been spent avoiding conflict and trying to make others happy. You're right, at some point you need to discuss it with him. But right now sounds like you need to discuss it with yourself. My impression is you're still coming to terms with your own feelings. I know there is that urge to just supress things and avoid any potential conflict... but that's not healthy. Those feelings are going to seek some form of expression anyway, and if you keep repressing them, odds are that form of expression will be destructive when it happens. quote:
But when I decided to submit, didn't that mean that I was supposed to make Him happy?.... Yes quote:
and that my life was no longer about me? I never liked seeing it put that way. I view it as being a little more complex than that. More about putting his wants above your wants, his needs above yours... but at the same time, both's needs need to be met. Saying that your life is no longer about you too easily sounds like you cease to exist, that there's no consideration given to you... and that would not be healthy. quote:
It's not so much that he's with anouther girl. It's the fact that I'm not enough, and it makes me hate myself. What if you never could be enough? That's a very romantic thought, that one person can be everything another person needs... but its unlikely to ever be literally true. It also assumes everyone has the same needs and that everyone wants monogamy... neither of which are true. You might be a wonderful person, a great lover, and terrific submissive... but suppose he simply needs more than just one? Can you be two people? See what I'm getting at? It hurts you because it makes you feel like you are LESS than what you thought. What if that isn't the case at all? quote:
And to that He responds, but allurette, You are mine, and You know that, so my relationship with others shouldn't have any affect on my relationship with you. Is this true???? Should I.... believe this?? Is this... just standard? I think its a bit naive of him to think his relationships with others won't affect you... they absolutely will affect you both. However, he may also be trying to say essentially what I said above, that his wanting someone else isn't a reflection on you, it doesn't mean you are any less. Whether that's the case is something you need to decide. quote:
Everything seems.... slightly overwhelming at the moment and I'm constantly faced with my own insecurities. I suppose my final question is, how do you, as a sub or a slave, deal with your own personal insecurities to move onwards in your relationship? When you know that you don't want to lose what you have, but can't see the light at the end of the tunnel? I can only tell you how I deal with it as a dominant when, inevitably, I see a slave I'm in a relationship struggling with her insecurities. I put my arms around her, I hold her, I talk to her, I remind her of the good things about herself, and I help her see that her fears aren't as big as she thought. I try, metaphorically, to lift her up on my shoulders and change her perspective... because fears and problems always seem smaller when you're looking down on them from above.
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Padriag A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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